Diamonds, schmiamonds.
Finally, the day I get to talk about how much I hate Valentine’s Day commercials, and all-year jewelry commercials.
He went to Jaaared! Great! You’re the proud new owner of an inherently worthless hunk of metal and rock. But it’s symbolic, right? It proves he loves you. You’re worth it.
Sorry, I don’t get it. And I don’t think it’s necessarily women who perpetuate the bullshit that they must have expensive jewelry. At the very least, women are not the whole problem.
Many years ago, I was dating a guy whose name was not Derek but that’s what I’m calling him. I liked Derek SO MUCH. He was smart, very cute, extremely funny, and I liked everything about his entire personality. Until the discussion about jewelry came up.
We’d been seriously dating for three months when one day he told me one of his friends had gotten engaged and had given the girl a $5,000 ring. This friend was a college student at the time, and so was the girl, both about age 24. The girl was apparently thrilled right out of her panties about this ring and cried and cried with joy when he gave it to her.
Obviously, I openly scoffed. I laughed derisively and said that was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard, a broke college student proposing with a $5,000 ring and another broke college student being happy about it.
As I went about my scoffing, Derek grew increasingly dismayed. I noticed this and asked him why he was staring at me with that frown. He said, “If I ever propose to you, it’s going to be with a much bigger ring than that.” We’d never talked about getting married; we weren’t that serious. He was being hypothetical and we both understood that. It was a theoretical argument but still. I asked him, “How much more?”
He said at least $10,000.
I said, “I would never accept that. No way.” Derek said that he didn’t mean tomorrow, he meant some day when he was making more money. I said I didn’t care, there were no circumstances in which I would ever in my life accept a gift that cost $10,000 and that just sits on your finger. It doesn’t keep you warm, feed you, entertain you, or bring you any comfort or use whatsoever.
Derek explained to me that that wasn’t the point, and that the purpose of such a ring was symbolic. He actually said with a straight face, “An expensive ring on my woman’s finger tells the world that I have money and that I love my woman.”
Horrified, I told him that I didn’t give a shit what the world thinks about how much a man loves me, and that it was the height of shallowness to care about what the world thinks about your wealth. This angered Derek and he demanded to know what I was trying to prove. “It’s okay for people to know you’re successful, there is nothing to be ashamed of.”
Jesus, Derek. Just Jeeesus.
We went around and around on this issue for days. Finally, when pressed, he admitted that no matter what I thought about it, if we ever got engaged, he was buying me a $10,000 ring and would expect me to wear it because it was that important to him to have that visual symbol of his wealth stuck on his woman. At least he was honest about it.
I found this concern with superficial bullshit a complete dealbreaker, and broke up with him. We stayed in touch, and sure enough, within a couple of years he found his very own princess, bought her a $15,000 ring, married her, and knocked her up within a year. She stays at home with the kid now. He cheats on her regularly. But she wears that ring to parties, dammit, and people know how much money Derek has and how much he loves his wife.
So it’s not just women, is what I’m saying. There are plenty of men like Derek.
But I’m not about to give the chicks a free pass. Ah nah. I have been paying very close attention to the sisterhood my whole life, and this is what I have witnessed.
Had a coworker named Lucy when I was about 20; we were the entire staff of a very slow doctor’s office and thus spent all our time immersed in girl talk. Lucy was engaged to Paul and they were both college seniors. She came from Houston, with money, and every day for months she gave me the latest about her wedding, which ended up costing $70,000. She had a ring on her finger that had cost Paul the equivalent of five months’ salary, and when I asked her what the hell, she said, “He’ll have it paid off within three years! That’s nothing when you’re talking about me being happy with my engagement ring for the rest of my life. It’s the most important thing I’ll ever own!”
Poor Paul. Nah, screw Paul. He should have realized he was marrying a moron. I’m sure he found out how happy his money could make her when they got divorced.
Had another coworker named Lisa when I was about 25. She was dating Mark for three years when he bought her a Valentine’s Day gift that was a diamond tennis bracelet. She told me one morning, all giggly and embarrassed, that the night he gave it to her, she was so moved with delight that she gave him the first, uh, what rhymes with joe blob, of their relationship. And then she said, “I hope he didn’t get used to it ‘cuz that’s only happening whenever he gives me jewelry.” Spoken like a true hooker.
There’s nothing wrong with one adult buying a nice present for another adult if it makes them both happy. My ex, John, bought me some small but high-quality pieces of jewelry that I knew were well within his budget, just because he wanted to; he thought they’d look pretty on me. (I gave all but one piece of it back to him when we split up; he traded them in for a nice watch.)
But I really don’t get the obsession with it. Have people not seen “Blood Diamond”? Sheesh. And why would you rather spend thousands of bucks on something that goes around your wrist/neck/finger instead of something you can actually use for something other than impressing people? I think it’s silly. Your mileage may vary.
Anyway. Valentine’s Day commercials. Can someone please explain to me what kind of adult, non-retarded female enjoys getting a cheap teddybear with a heart T-shirt on him? The ads show guys giving women these toys and the women act like they just got handed an angel straight from heaven. So lame.
Sometimes I think I have a lot more to say about something than I really do, and then I just peter out. That just happened. Later.
Personally, I could not care less about “blood diamonds.” If the Africans can’t get their act together, their continent will be Mad Max Land for a long, long time, diamonds or no diamonds.
That said, I do think that the stupid things are overpriced and over-rated—particularly since the average person can’t tell the difference between a top-quality stone and one that’s “industrial quality.” Also, there are processes that can make artificial diamonds, and if De Beers didn’t keep the price artificially high, they’d be much cheaper.
Thank all the (nonexistent AFAIK) gods, though, my best-beloved’s not into bling. Matter of fact, she scolds me for spending money on her, since she knows I’m not in the best position financially. If I weren’t—well, turning her loose in a big bookstore with my credit card would be a Very Bad Idea, but she doesn’t care about jewelry.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:55 pmI’ll agree with the commercials(they drive me nuts and I mute almost all commercials anyway) I’m not a jewelry fanatic but have gotten some truly special pieces in my life and I couldnt care less if they cost 5 dollars or 500..it really is the thought and the memory attached that counts..for me anyway heh.
But if anyone I knew spent THAT much on a piece of jewelry I’d slap the shit out of them(especially since I dont really know any richy rich people)bunch of crazy folk pfft.
Oh and yes I saw ‘Blood Diamond’…never really liked diamonds much anyway and wouldnt spend jack diddly on them hmph.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:57 pmI was considering buying you a motorcycle for Valentine’s Day, but since you don’t like expensive gifts, perhaps I’ll get myself one, instead.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:02 pmI feel your angst, and whole heartedly agree w/ it. I bought my now wife a ring I could afford. And she loved it. I bought her a band to match said engagement ring. And she loved it as well. All of this cost well under $5K. And she gets compliments all the time, go figure. And that is literally all she wants. I’ve joked about getting her a bigger ring, but she has flat out said “Nah, I’d rather have that as a down payment on a boat.” or something to that tune. Man, I love that woman.
I was at a friend’s wedding many moons ago, and being the sentimental woman my wife is, she asked to see the brides ring (first time to see it, not close friends of hers). Within about 0.0056 seconds of her sticking her hand out to show her decently sized ring she says “Yeah, well, in a few years we are definitely going to upgrade. I need to be wearing something much bigger than this if I’m going to be a laywers wife.” I nearly shit on the dance floor and left. I looked at my wife (we were yet to be engaged) and said “If you ever say shit like that in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.” Needless to say, I don’t much care for that girl.
I find it absolutely absurd to spend that kind of money on a peice of jewlery, no matter the type. I had some very well-to-do friends in college. One of them wore a Rolex and had since he was 14. A $10K watch. One day he was telling me about the intricacies of it and why it was far superior to my Fossil and I looked at him and said “What time does it say?” He told me. I looked at mine. Two minute difference. “Well, it keeps shitty time. Doesn’t look like it was worth it to me.”
I’m so w/ you on this one. I could rant and rant for hours on the need to be accepted monitarily, but it does not good.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:03 pm“Commercial”? Oh, that’s the thing that is the primary motivator for television shows, isn’t it? The commercial is the reason there is a program in between the commercials…
I went to college with a slut that required her man get her at least a 1 ct diamond. If he didn’t have the money to do that, she knew he wouldn’t be able to provide for her properly. Did I say ’slut’? yep.
I work with a beautiful woman who is happily married. Her wedding ring consists of a simple gold band that is engraved. Very nice. I believe it is Indian.
I love the commercial from one of the animated shows (Simpson, Family Guy, I can’t recall) where they make a parody of the commercial where they only show the silhouette of the man and woman. It shows her starting to go down on him and the caption says; “She’ll pretty much have to.”
Post more doggie pictures or there will be blood diamonds, that’s fur shur….
February 14th, 2008 at 1:06 pmSorry, just in case some freak event caused the wife to read this, not using my normal name on this comment.
My wife is one of the shallowest people I know (didn’t realize that before the wedding). She recently said something to the effect that I had never gotten her an engagement/wedding ring set. I asked what the hell she was talking about, I most certainly did, and she replied that she didn’t count the piece of crap I had bought her. I had gotten her what I could afford, while spending most of the money I was making every time she had a whim to do something (Yeah, I was blind). She watches these jewelry commercials and gets teary-eyed because I can’t get her the things she sees there (because I never have any money). That said, she would go for the Heart Teddy Bear, because she loves stuffed animals.
Anyway. The biggest ones I complain about are the Osterman’s commercials, where the younger guy gets his woman a big diamond whatever, and people ask how he knew about Osterman’s. It’s always because someone suggested it to him (In one, the young guy’s mother told his father to suggest it to him - yeesh). IT COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE THE 8 GAZILLION COMMERCIALS about the blasted place playing every 10 minutes, huh?
February 14th, 2008 at 1:17 pmExpensive rings…thats how Sucre wound up in stir.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:21 pmblood diamonds? Who cares? I care about how they get to the jewelery store as much as I care about sweat shops in Asia. The alternative is simply starving.
deBeers does manage to spend multi-millions on commercials so that they can continue to charge megabucks for strong glass. Heck, it’s amazing what that glass will cause — watch Ice Truckers to see where they operate some Canadian diamond mines (and I had a chance to buy into that when it was first being surveyed … back when investing was a dirty word to me). Nobody sane is actually forced to buy the damned things.
Rupert … motorcycle is cool … I have 4 parked in the garage so far and, as long as I buy my wife flowers and the occasional shiny thing, she has never objected. She even pushed me to buy the last one. Every once in a while, in the summer, she’ll even hop on behind me, stuff the poodle in her papoose carrier, and we’ll go out for a ride to some ice cream place … LOL. The rest of the time I get to enjoy riding …
PS >> I spent a measy $2.5k on her ring, and spent $10k on a wedding and honeymoon in Hawaii instead … 11 years ago today. The memories go a lot further than a larger chunk of ice on her finger!
February 14th, 2008 at 1:21 pmThe Kay Jewelers commercials are especially offensive.
My wife and I found a really shiny ring with huge stones on it for $8 at Wal-Mart. It was fake, but pretty. We bought it.
My wife would rather get a cheap teddybear with a heart T-shirt on him that I personally picked out for her than something expensive but useless or something useful. She doesn’t consider screwdrivers or hair spray to be romantic but also doesn’t want me spending money we don’t have on useless trinkets.
The nice thing about a cheap teddybear is she can lose it to make room for another one next year…
February 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pmJon - the term you’re looking for is “whore”. Sluts do it for free.
I’ve seen women like this before. Thankfully, I have “princess repellant” in the form of a dirty 15 year old Dakota and a propensity to wear t-shirts whenever and wherever I can, no matter how appropriate they are for the situation I’m in. It helps keep the signal-to-noise ratio in check. That said, I love the woman I’m with now. Big weddings? Nope - she doesn’t like crowds, so the idea of paying thousands of dollars for one is completely absurd to her. Flashy, expensive jewelry? Nope - she doesn’t want anything she’d be deathly afraid to lose. The list goes on like this.
Ultimately, I think a lot of this has to do with upbringing. Princess whores breed more princess whores, or guys that firmly believe that the only way to say “I love you” is through dollar signs. Let them have each other - they certainly deserve each other, if nothing else. The rest of us will be laughing all the way to the bank.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pmThank you, Rachel.
I hate women who think nice jewelry is the most important thing in the world and I hate men who think giving a woman jewelry is the same as an all-access pass to her pants.
But it’s the women that have me the most flabbergasted here. What is it about shiny things that gives so many women the Goddamn vapors? If men were this interested in useless pieces of glittery junk, feminists would use it as “proof” of how women are so much smarter than men.
Only once in my life have I ever given a girl a piece of jewelry and it was a signet ring with her initials in it (she was into quirky gifts like that). She actually came right out and told me that a diamond would never live up to that.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:29 pmHubster and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day… nary a card or flower or chocolate comes near either of us. It’s just not important to celebrate this Hallmark Holiday. Also, hubster bought me a beautiful engagement ring, matching wedding band and anniversary band and still spent under 2 thou for the whole shebang. And I would not upgrade nor trade a piece of it for the world. He has made comments before about upgrading it, but I tell him no. I tell him to save that money so that we can buy something for us, or the house, or perhaps a vacation instead. But I admit that from time to time I get suckered into consumerism mode and eyeball jewelry that I shouldn’t want and can’t afford. Probably because most of my female family members are that way. I usually lay down until the urge to spend goes away.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:34 pmThe teddy bear commercial is bad. The one with the Pajama-gram is just as bad. If a guy buys a woman sexy underwear or pajamas, the gift really isn’t for her. I think we are all on to that aren’t we?
Rachel, my husband and I leave for Florence and Rome on March 6. I really enjoyed reading about your trip.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:35 pmMy wife likes jewelry. A nice diamond is expensive, but they actually do go up in value over time, so I don’t mind. They give her a lot of pleasure (and a good sense of security).
I like electronics — which may give me some great pleasure but quickly become antiquated and, in the case of computers and TV’s, ten to loose massive value very quickly.
A really nice 3-year-old diamond can be sold for probably more than you paid for it. A 3-year-old computer is quickly approaching useless piece of crap status.
Just a different take on it…
February 14th, 2008 at 1:36 pm“What is it about shiny things that gives so many women the Goddamn vapors? If men were this interested in useless pieces of glittery junk, feminists would use it as “proof” of how women are so much smarter than men.”
Holy bullshit batman. Men get the vapors about shiny things too. They are just called something different. Like electronics. Which I love BTW. My husband practically has to put one of those harnesses you stick tiny children in - to find me in a FRY’s electronics store.
I don’t know why this seems like rocket science. A lot of women are vapid and shallow. Problem solved.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:40 pmNo really, in spite of this, take me seriously.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:43 pmWe were broke college students when we got engaged and then married. The stone in my original engagement ring is a third of a carat but very high quality. It did NOT come from a jewelry store. We have a good friend that makes jewelry in his garage. My husband designed our wedding bands and we actually got to carve out the molds for each other’s rings. There was still blue wax in that couch when it finally went to the dump. We were scraping together everything we had so that we would be able to pay for our rings. At our wedding shower, we received a card from our jeweler. Inside he told us that his wedding present to us was our rings! Yeah, we didn’t pay a dime for them.
Our ten-year anniversary will be in December of this year and we want to do a restatement. We want to do it like we wanted to do it before but couldn’t afford to. The 3 carat rock pictured in the blog? It’s not a natural diamond. You wouldn’t know it. Most machines wouldn’t know it. It’s a diamond hybrid and not any where near as expensive. We again purchased it through our jeweler friend, and this time we did have to pay for it. I will always love my original wedding set. We want to get new ones because we are in a different place in life than we were and it’s neat to be able to see how far we’ve come. We are so much closer now than we were then and so much more in love.
My point is that there is nothing wrong with giving and receiving nice jewelry. The problem is drowning in debt to do it, or whoring yourself out to get it. And yes ladies, if you perform favors to your husband only when he gives you jewelry, that’s what you are doing.
Best comment I ever heard on a man buying a woman a diamond out of sense of obligation/guilt/whatever:
That ought to shut her up!
February 14th, 2008 at 1:53 pmWhat is that line that Ron White says should be the truth-in-advertising diamond commercial?
“Diamonds… That’ll shut her up.”
February 14th, 2008 at 1:53 pmWow, that coworker when you were 25… I wonder what she’d have done for the guy who bought the $15,000 ring.
I bet it would involve a trip to the ER and a good laugh for the doctors.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pmack, double post
February 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pm“And why would you rather spend thousands of bucks on something that goes around your wrist/neck/finger instead of something you can actually use for something other than impressing people?”
Becuase they just want to impress people with the amount of money they can spend; they don’t want anything useful. Just look at the Jared commercials; the whole undertone of all their commercials is basically “cheap bastards who don’t care about their wives shop at places other than Jared”.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:55 pmWell, in some ways a fancy ring does make sense — it used to sort of be the gift you gave to guarantee the woman would have something valuable to use to take care of herself. There are many cultures that still do similar things. (Sort of like a dowry, only it’s a gift to the wife-to-be). I don’t think we really need it here though, with the laws and courts the way they are.
Also, requiring a gift that takes years to pay off seems insane. My engagement ring was about $400, and my wedding band $25. (Both silver, the engagement ring has a cute little emerald in it). I think my new wedding ring (the other is, ahem, to small for my post-baby finger) is actually maybe $500 or so, since it’s platinum.
I’d rather have a trip to Hawaii than a $10,000 ring. Or a house. Or a car — at least a fancy car *does* something.
I like jewelry, but I don’t think I’d ever wear anything that someone would want to kill me for.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:03 pmLet me think — diamond or motorcycle — diamond or motorcycle….
Motorcycle. Definitely! You can’t fly down the road on a diamond, wind in your hair, bugs in your teeth….
I used to be fascinated by jewelry. I grew out of it, I guess. I have no need for it, really, and now when I see women wearing big rocks I can only wonder what they’d do if someone decided to take them. The thought of some thug cutting my finger off for a ring (not that he’d be able to — seven years of karate is good for something) takes the glimmer off. Besides, I’d just whack it against something while working in the yard.
I didn’t get anything for Valentine’s today. Hubby forgot. He forgot several years ago, too, and I was royally pissed. Today — eh. Maybe it’s getting older, realizing what matters and what doesn’t. What matters is he’s here, stuck around for nearly 26 years, he has a job, he’s responsible, he doesn’t worry me (except for the heart attack and diabetes, which he takes meds for). He’s my best friend, even if he does or says things occasionally that make me think with a little more provocation and a little less self control I might cheerfully beat him to death with a chair.
Diamonds I don’t need. Stuffed bears with hearts on them I don’t need. In fact, I don’t need anything but what I’ve got. And I’ve even got stuff I don’t need.
I’m making no sense. Bottom line — Rupert, the motorcycle is a really great idea!
February 14th, 2008 at 2:15 pmrachel, you honestly keep astounding me. as a 25 year old female who’s had her share of those girlfriends who want THE BIG ROCK and the flowery proposal and the bending on knee and the earnest looks, it is SO refreshing to keep reading about your views on romance and love and cheesy shit like that.
i couldn’t care less if i had a rock. i couldn’t care less if i didn’t wear a wedding band. all i see is money that could go into stocks, into a down payment on a house, into a car, things that are useful. i hate wearing jewelry. probably the only piece of jewelry i wear every day is a tiffany’s necklace that my parents gave to me as a graduation present. and i only wear that because i can forget about it and not deal with it during the day.
i remember one of my drama queen former friends and i were walking in nyc and she wanted to go into cartier. she ended up looking at rings well into the $20,000 price range. then she looked at a $28,000 ring. if she can afford it, great, but i would have walked out the store before trying anything one.
is it bad that if i get married (big IF) that i don’t want a wedding either? just a big party and a nice dinner and our closest loved ones? i think that’s probably more important than a $70,000 wedding with all the trimmings.
i do believe in buying nice, high quality things. for example, a friend of mine has a birthday coming up. he loves single malts, so i think i’ll be getting him a nice 21 year if i can. and i’d like a porsche some day because it’s a powerful, but conservative car.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:15 pmMy wife was happy with an $1800 engagement ring when we got married (this was less than two weeks’ pay for me at the time). Since then she has never asked for more expensive jewelry, and she’s gone medieval on my ass when I’ve made noise about buying it for her. She’s perfectly happy with fake stuff that looks expensive because most people can’t tell the difference anyway. She bought a $10 bracelet at Kohls for her birthday and tells everybody that I bought it for her. And I would have been happy to — it looks like it’s worth a hell of a lot more than that.
We prefer to have houses and cars and feed our cats and take a nice vacation a couple of times a year. Expensive jewelry doesn’t do a thing toward advancing that agenda.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:17 pmI don’t see anything inherently wrong with expensive jewelry as gifts if it makes both parties happy, though the mindset of hanging a shiny thing to advertise “I MAKES THE BUX” off your partner strikes me as severely creepy.
On the other hand, if my husband gave me an expensive diamond ring/bracelet/whatever, it would definitely send a message. That message would be: I don’t know you and I don’t care enough to try. I wouldn’t be in a blowjob frame of mind. I’d be in an ANGRY frame of mind.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:19 pmI think “Derek” should have bought an 18-karat cast miniature phallus mounted on a ring for Rachel’s hand, because it was clearly all about him.
Seriously, though, guys–most women aren’t Rachel. Buy them jewelry they want that fits in your budget, if it makes them happy. Because you want them to be happy. Don’t overthink it.
But when it comes to buying an engagement ring, stretch the budget to the max. Try to buy a ring that’s appropriate for your financial status ten years from now.
As for Rupert: Dude! She has an irrational fear of bicycles, for cryin’ out loud, and gets cold in November in Texas–indoors! And you’re contemplating a motorcycle? Sumpn’s wrong here…
February 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pmGo on Google, and look up the terms “Diamonds” and “CVD” (chemical vapor deposition). CVD is basically a way of making real diamonds, indistinguishable from mined diamonds even under close scrutiny in a lab. In a nutshell, it’s carbon placed under the same conditions that create a diamond naturally. CVD diamonds are as hard as real diamond, and can be cut just like real diamonds.
What we need now is for someone to successfully market them as jewelry.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:32 pmThose commercials have always sort of stunned me because I don’t understand them. Frankly, I thought it was Madison Avenue trying to shove too-expensive jewelry on us, and that any thinking person would never buy a ring worth 3 months salary!
Neither hubby nor myself wear rings, so we just didn’t bother with wedding rings. On our first anniversary he bought me a nice pair of earrings, but that’s as far as it goes. And they didn’t cost anywhere near 10,000!
February 14th, 2008 at 2:34 pmWhew, this one really stirred things up, eh?
The Jared commercials kind of irritate me, too, because there’s the implication that someone who doesn’t go there is a complete loser.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:35 pmI was just thinking last night, thank heavens Valentine’s day is tomorrow so I don’t have to listen to any more jewelry store commercials. They start before Thanksgiving and we have to hear them for a good four months. They drive me crazy. And if my husband every gave me a stupid ballerina jewelry box with a piece of crap ruby heart or something, I’d probably have to slap him and ask him what he was thinking.
When we got engaged and I picked out my ring, they quoted us the price, and at just over $1000, I thought it was way too much. But he saw that I really liked it, and insisted. Then the jeweler started going on about picking the diamond. What? The main stone wasn’t real? It looked good enough to me, so I just said we’ll get that later, the small stones were real and that was plenty for me. 10 years later I still have the same sparkley crystal thing, and I still love it, and nobody (except you people) knows it’s not real. We never bothered with a matching band. I just don’t see the point in spending the money. We also planned our wedding in less than 7 weeks, and spent less than $5000. I made my dress and we had it in my parents back yard, very simple but nice. We still remember it as just a nice, relaxing day.
Valentine’s day consists of him giving me a bunch of flowers (from the grocery store), and not long-stemmed red roses with baby’s breath-I hate that crap, and a gift card to the bookstore, and I’ll be bringing him a bucket of KFC tonight. Nirvana all-around in our house :o)
February 14th, 2008 at 2:36 pmThis is a sticky one for me because I WANT people to buy jewelry - jewelry that I make with my own two little hands. I don’t use diamonds … yet. But if I do it’ll be because I find some funky organic-y looking ones. Probably in black.
That said…I HATE those jewelry commercials and all the crap and pressure that says a guy has to spend 3 months salary on a ring. How friggin’ retarded are people? Hubby thankfully let me determine the price of my ring - hell I picked it out. It was around $2k and it was perfect. Simple. Small. And it was both wedding and engagement ring. Unfortunately it got stolen.
But *shock* we are still married because IT IS JUST METAL AND ROCK!!!
Now I have my grandmother’s ring. She died last year and it’s one of the few things I wanted.
Our wedding cost less than $2k - we got our cake at the grocery store (it was delicious), my grandpa smoked a turkey and a ham, and we got fruits/veggies/ meat trays at the store and had a buffet style. No alcohol. Some punch. The event and the reception both at the church. The photos cost the most and those are worth it.
It’s not the most important day in either of our lives. Women who think that are just shallow and retarded.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pmI worked with an emigrant from Korea, a CPA, who at age 29 was about to enter into an arranged marriage like in the old country. The girl expected a diamond engagement ring like they do in this country, much to his disgust. As an accountant he cringed at the price markup.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pmIs this safe for work? Guess it depends on where you work…
February 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pmLucy…I am SO with you!
KFC would be a fabulous V-day dinner. I personally don’t want anything - even flowers. No card thanks. Waste of money. We’re going to spend the evening decorating his mom’s new apartment for her birthday. =) Way more fun than a lame crowded dinner somewhere.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:38 pmYou’re too pragmatic. I can’t believe they allow you to use the Internet.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:38 pmYay! A fellow sane person!
A coworker of mine just recently got engaged, and the rock on her finger weighs a ton (I was shocked, she let me touch it.) Of course, I just about dropped it when she told me what it cost - $16,000! Holy shit, that’s a car on her finger. Simultaneously she’s telling me how she convinced her fiancee to give her the money he was planning to pay off the ring with, so that she could pay off her lower-interest-rated student loan. It was as though she didn’t realize that when they were married, they’d have combined money problems.
Me, I’m just scared at the prospect of wearing anything expensive that could go towards a house or car or *anything* more worthwhile.
Last story, I swear! I’m in a rant
My former boss got proposed to, but beforehand she’d gone ring-shopping with her soon-to-be fiancee. His response when she showed him the ring she wanted?
“Can we upgrade it? It’s not showy enough.”
And sure enough, after the proposal they took it in and got it “enlarged.” Meanwhile she was being sued for negligence and he was enlisting. It’s like the current housing problem — people buying houses (or rings) that they can’t and *shouldn’t* try to afford.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:41 pmIn 2006, while I was in Afghanistan, I received an e-mail from my wife of almost 6 years thanking me for my generosity and thoughtfulness on Valentine’s Day. It was just what she wanted.
Subsequent e-mail and pictures informed me that I had just purchased her a new pump-action shotgun.
Sig
February 14th, 2008 at 2:47 pmHAHHAHAHA Sorry, anyone notice the DeBeers ad on the right? -laughs her head off-
February 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pmAside from her wedding band and her watch, and the occasional small earrings, my bride doesn’t wear or like jewelry. She does miss the very modest (Army PX in Germany) engagement ring I bought her, which was stolen by the Germans who packed our belongings. but I knew that she was the one for me when she whispered in my ear, “Let’s elope.”
Going on tewnty years…
February 14th, 2008 at 2:57 pm“If you ever say shit like that in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.”
I love it. I’m going to use that one sometime.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:06 pmGood lord.
DeBeers just lost a class action suit and is going to pay hundreds of millions to the suckers they ripped off for the past decade or so. What do the ladies do now? Take the cash, or demand a bigger diamond?
Google diamond class action lawsuit.
My wife never cared for jewelry, so we won’t get a dime. I’m anticipating the reaction of the “lady” who traded the bj for the diamond. Does the guy have to give her a bigger diamond? Does she demand the cash? He can’t give it back… They could make a reality tv show about this.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:12 pmA nice diamond is expensive, but they actually do go up in value over time, so I don’t mind.
Have you ever actually sold a ring or jewelery before? Pawn shops don’t pay jack, and neither do jewelery stores. Yeah, they may give you a “certificate of appraisal” that says this is worth $X, but they’ll give you 1/5 of X when you try to sell it, and that’s if you’re lucky.
Friend of mine sold his grandma’s wedding ring to a jeweler to raise money for his fiancee’s ring. Got less than $500 for it. (which is probably more than Grandpa paid for it, but…) A few weeks later he went in with the bride- to-be to look at rings, and saw his grandma’s ring on sale for over $3,000! He should’ve taken her ring to someone who made jewelery and used the diamond and the gold to make a new ring.
Another friend got married two weeks into being employed after two years of being unemployed. He’d racked up >$50,000 in credit card debt. So his first paycheck went entirely to purchase her ring. Then less than two months later she had him buy her a >$5,000 ring to show his love. Then she got deported, and she had him keep making payments on the ring even though they didn’t have enough money, nor anymore credit, to pay for the lawyer or for paying the fees and fines associated with getting her back into the states legally. She actually told me on the phone, when I suggested that she send the ring back and they use that money to pay for getting her back, that I just didn’t understand. “It’s a very nice ring and I like it.” Ok…She ended up not getting back into the states for a year and a half. And after a year or more of paying on the ring they missed a couple of payments and it got repo’d. First thing she did when she got back here was to go ring shopping again. Then she got knocked up and kept the baby fat on (three years+ later) so she’s got a $7,000+ ring that she never wears because her fingers are too fat for it. I heard she was ring shopping again….
Gah!
I’ve got my grandma’s ring, and a few diamonds from her necklaces. A good jewelery making person can make something nice and modern looking from those raw materials. If the future Mrs. does not like wearing “used” gold or diamonds then she will not be the future Mrs.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:22 pmWhen we were planning our wedding, I told my husband, no diamond for me, just a band. He dug around in a drawer and found an 18 carat gold band that he inherited from a beloved great uncle (who was so well-loved that my husband and several other family members were named after him) and asked me if that was what I was talking about. I said yes, it was perfect. We had it resized to fit me and I cherish it more than any diamond we could have bought from Kay’s.
We spend a grand total of about $100 on the marriage license, wedding, and honeymoon, which included being married by a family friend who was a JP, a day-hike in the Texas Hill Country, and strawberries and champagne on the tailgate of his truck. It couldn’t have been any more perfect even if we had spent 1000 times as much.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:23 pm“$16,000! Holy shit, that’s a car on her finger.”
I suppose so, if you buy new cars. I drive a 1990 Mitsubishi Eclipse that I bought for $2500 about five years ago. I have never in my life spent $16,000 on a car.
So you can just imagine how likely it is that I would ever spend that kind of money on a piece of jewelry.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:29 pmDear Rachel,
February 14th, 2008 at 3:39 pmIt makes me misty eyed to read your post. Not because of the rock solid common sense, but because it reminds me that the true expressions of love have nothing to do with price tags and labels. When I was courting my bride back in the day, there was another man who was dating her. He took her to resturants, sent her roses, and bought her expensive gifts. The best I could do was gather a bunch of flowers growing wild and bind them up in a rubber band. For some crazy reason she chose me. We’ve had a lot of bumps along the way, but in all that time, she’s never changed. As our situation improved over the years I bought her some foolish things but I realize now it was more to prove something to me than for her. Flowers in a rubber band make her as happy today as they did thirty years ago.
OH! I am a woman who totally, totally loves shiny things!!
Sooo… I found internet sites that sell high-quality, very-well-cut sims (cz, mostly) and synthetics. They look better than the average diamond, because they’re cut better, and are much cheaper. The one in my engagement ring cost a whole ten bucks.
It’s one thing to love shiny things, I feel. I mean, they’re pretty! But it’s another to love them because they cost a lot of money, which I think is just weird.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:40 pmBlood Diamond is fiction, but not too far off the mark. The reality of diamonds (at least those that come from DeBeers, Africa, Central and South America, etc.) is manufactured mania that isn’t worth the damage done to those who source them for us.
Last year I read a book called “Heartless Stone” by an author named Tom Zoellner. Mourning the end of his engagement, he felt compelled to find the ’story’ of the diamond he had purchased for his former fiancee. Out of that desire came the book — I can’t recommend it enough:
http://www.amazon.com/Heartless-Stone-Journey-Through-Diamonds/dp/0312339704/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203020892&sr=8-1
In the book, he shares the story of how the myth of the diamond engagement ring came to life at a 1950’s advertising agency. It should be required reading of how precisely calibrated marketing campaigns can create cultural norms. The story of how diamonds came to marketed as part and parcel of the engagement process in Japan is just as compelling, and it is gladdening to hear that the Japanese have almost wholly rejected the conceit. They’d rather spend that money on a honeymoon, or as the downpayment for a home.
Another chapter focuses on the environmental damage done by the diamond mining process. Did you know that roughly two tons of earth must be moved to unearth every diamond greater than 1 carat? For those who simply must have a diamond, the book tells of where “non-conflict” diamonds are coming from and how to make sure you’re not getting one that has blood on it (look for diamonds from the Yukon Territories of Canada or Australia).
As for me, I’ve said I’d rather have a Cartier Roadster watch (no diamonds, no gold: just stainless steel) than a diamond ring. I wear watch every day, and I’d feel naked without one. Can’t say the same thing about a silly diamond. “Bling” is such a turnoff to me, so I’d rather have something classic.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:44 pmI watched way too much Price is Right in my formative years, so I always thought it would be really fun, if I was a millionaire, to give her some small, useful gift like a vacuum or something, and then, while she’s looking all sad and puzzled, go, “this should come in handy when you’re cleaning … YOUR BRAND NEW CAR!!!!!”
maybe if i’d be that rich i could even pay some people to act as audience members and cheer wildly. and since it would be valentine’s day, i probably would wait before i cheated on her with one of the barker beauties.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:04 pmThis is exactly why I bought my wife a pot full of tulips thiis year for Valentine’s Day. She loves planting stuff and I know she loves tulips. Now, she has a pot of pretty flowers o look at for a while, then she can plant the bulbs and they’ll be pretty again next year.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:12 pmI believe I said “useless pieces of glittery junk”, not useful pieces of electronic junk.
Electronic devices have a use. You buy a man an electric drill and he’ll use it for something more than showing off to his buddies.
What use is a diamond ring?
February 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pmNot electronics, just things that have names like Benelli, Glock or Smith and Wesson or Crimsontrace.
Wife’s ring cost ~$10-1500, Mom made all(?) of the dresses, and we all (family) made dishes, had a big potluck type of dinner, then it was ~$8K in Hawaii.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pmI hadn’t noticed ’til you said something, Tess, but that ad line is The Worst: “How far will you go for her love?” Ugh.
I am so with you on this one, Rachel! Could not possibly agree more. I have no diamonds and don’t want any. I would much rather have a two week trip back to Scotland, or - as I got for my birthday last year - a Glock. ;D
Yes, my husband knows me well. Get this, it was a huge surprise that my hubby and kids were in on. They were all giggling in my son’s room (where I learned later that my husband was fitting the handgun with a pretty, sparkly, deadly red laser sight), and my son proudly presented me with a card that read: “Mom, I can’t tell you what Dad got you for your birthday, but I can say it rhymes with CLOCK.”
Uhhhhh…. hmmmm…what rhymes with CLOCK?
Best. Birthday Gift. Ever.
I hate that commercial on talk radio: “Show her you know here with a Vermont teddy-bear.” Well, my husband “showed me he knowed me” [intentional sic] with a handy, dandy weapon and a paid-for CCL class for that next weekend.
Kick ass.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:30 pmWe don’t do Valentines Day at my house. I hate feeling forced to “feel” a certain way because somebody else says so. Screw that. I’ve got one of those great guys who brings me home flowers or small gifts throughout the year whenever he “feels” naturally moved to express his love in a more commercially gifted way. I love being surprised and he doesn’t feel forced. Who wants a guilt gift?
People who go into massive debt to impress the girl are foolish. Real women don’t want the men they love to put themselves in a financial bind over jewelry.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm@ gmsc
(for everyone too lazy to look up his/her comment) gmsc is talking about lab grown diamonds and why can’t some one find a way to market them as jewelry. If you look up “lab grown” or “created” diamonds, you’ll find a couple places that do sell them, either loose or in settings. And they are really affordable. The problem is DeBeers, of course. They want lab grown diamonds to be outlawed because their infiltration into the authentic diamond market would send prices into a downward spiral.
I am a scientist and I think the idea of making diamonds that are identical to authentic ones is rad. I looked for one for my engagement/wedding ring, but eventually got a band with lots of little authentic diamonds. It really pisses me off that DeBeers has the power to stifle the created diamond market.
Apparently there are people who care if their diamond comes from Africa or not. Why would someone care about that? It goes back to wanting to show everyone how much money you have. Some people don’t care about that, so maybe we make up the created diamond market.
Anyway, back on topic of the commercials: I really have felt sorry for men for having to withstand all the brainwashing. If you don’t buy her something shiney and expensive, she won’t love you. It’s sad, really. Again, DeBeers’ fault.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:32 pmMy husband and I married 15 years ago with his and her wedding bands that cost $150 total. We didn’t even have two nickels to rub together. I wear that band on a chain around my neck now. I shopped diamond wedding rings, but I didn’t find any I liked for under $10,000. No freaking way I would ever wear a $10,000 ring! I found an antique style white gold band for $600 and I get complimented on it once a week. It doesn’t snag on anything and I never take it off.
I don’t get these spoiled, pretentious chicks and metrosexuals who think I should be impressed by their financial ignorance. These people can’t even afford their own health insurance, but will drop money each month for five years for a ring.
If you can afford a $10,000 ring straight out, and love it, then I say this is America! Wear it proudly!
February 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pm“What use is a diamond ring?”
Personally I’d use it for glass cutting. If it wasn’t mine of course.
“You buy a man an electric drill and he’ll use it for something more than showing off to his buddies.”
Yeah… but the showing off is a huge deal. Make no mistake about that. When my contractor showed me this new tool he’d bought:
http://www.danairinc.com/palmnailer.html
You’d have thought he was a girl with a brand new diamond ring. They are pretty cool though.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:45 pmhttp://www.diamondhybrid.com/
February 14th, 2008 at 4:54 pmThe ring I mentioned earlier cost us less that $1000. Because we are very good friends with our jeweler. If the girl is stuck on the idea of a mined diamond, she’s not a quality girl. She is making bad judgments that will just put you debt for your marriage
Rachel–Girl, it’s amazing how much alike we think. You & I need to get together sometime & drink lots of margaritas. Invite JJS too, because she sounds a lot like me.
I just got engaged over the holidays. I’m 48 & this is my first wedding (yes, I’m a proud old maid). He’s 16 months younger (as he likes to remind me of my advanced old age). He makes seriously good money. However, jewelry leaves me cold. I mean, cold. Does nothing for me. I just don’t get it. However, I did like the idea of an engagement ring.
Now I’ll say this–those commercials that say you should pay 3 months’ salary? I’d slap a guy who did that! There is no f*****g way I would see that much money spent on a rock. We started looking at rings, & all I kept thinking was that I was looking at a house payment. I did finally find one I absolutely love–I’m proud to say we got the set (engagement & wedding) for $1200 (& even then I thought it was a bit high) & it’s gorgeous. This is a guy who could afford the $15,000 ring, but there’s no way in hell I could spend that kind of money.
And as for the wedding? Ditto jjl’s statements. We’ll do the church thing (we’re both Catholic & want to), but no fancy reception. We’re just inviting family & a few close friends, & we’re going to our favorite Mexican restaurant where we can eat great food & drink lots of margaritas. We’ve both agreed that we’d rather spend money on our honeymoon, house payments (he has no debts other than the house), & 401Ks, shooting for early retirement in 10 years. Retiring comfortably when you’re in your 50s–now THAT’S a turnon!! Way more so than expensive jewelry.
But Rachel & JJL–if you’re in the DC area later this year, you’re welcome to stop by & drink margaritas on us till you fall down. And then one more after that!
February 14th, 2008 at 4:57 pmQuestion for all you people who inherited a ring or stone from your grandmother or other family member & used that . . . what if you hadn’t had that? What you have done?
I do love beautiful, high quality jewelry, and I don’t see anything wrong with having a couple of simple pieces that I wear everyday and enjoy very much. Maybe I will be able to pass those along to a child one day, and hopefully they will become the treasured heirloom for the next generation.
I don’t see much point in having jewelry that’s too fancy to wear everyday - I mean, how often do you go to the opera or some fancy cocktail party anyway? (NEVER)
My husband bought me a beautiful ring, and spent way more than I would have wanted him to on it, but I didn’t get a say. I didn’t ask, demand, bribe, or even want him to spend a lot. He actually went in thinking he was going to spend a lot less but just wasn’t satisfied with lower quality stones, he could see the difference in color and to him color was very important. And it’s sure sparkly! I would have been just as happy with something smaller or less quality. More important to me is that he designed the setting himself and it’s one of a kind, just for me, and unusual. And since it’s the only ring I wear, and I’m planning on ever wearing, I don’t think it’s a bad bargain for the rest of my life.
My point is that expensive fancy jewelry that sits in a box and never gets worn? Bad bargain. Beautiful jewelry that marks a very special occasion that you love, wear all the time, and plan to pass on to your children? Totally worth it, expensive or cheap it doesn’t matter. Assuming of course, that you’re not going into debt over it. There are lots of things you spend money on that are gone in a flash, wear out, or are obsolete in a few years (electronics?) Jewelry that you will have for the rest of your life is a pretty good investment in my book. How many other things that you buy will be around that long?
So please just don’t assume I’m shallow, moneygrubbing, or a whore just because I have a pretty ring OK?
(On the other hand — 16K? 26K? holy fucking crapola are people INSANE?)
February 14th, 2008 at 5:03 pmWhen we got married, my husband went to the local lapidary and had them make me a ring out of an old wedding ring and an opal. I also had a cutwork band that we had gold plated. Wore them both until the cutwork band broke and the opal was stolen. For our 25 wedding anniversary, he had a jeweler make me a black star sapphire necklace with matching earrings. I think that cost $1000. The last piece he had made for me is a gold turtle with an amber back. The gold is a melted Krugerand. He’s always loved having jewelry made for me.
I wear a collection of old rings from my relatives, in place of a new wedding band. I’ve got my mom’s wedding band and engagement ring, a wedding band from a great uncle and one on my thumb that my husband found for me. There are diamonds in the old engagement ring, but that’s not really important to me. The marriage has lasted a lot longer than most rings (37 years to date) because the relationship has always been more important than jewelry or income.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:13 pm“You’re the proud new owner of an inherently worthless hunk of metal and rock.”
I have to take issue with this statement, given the fact that refugees (like the Jews who escaped Germany), smuggled out diamonds and gold–sometimes converting their wealth into those things.
Further, I’ve done a little reading in books about the significance of diamond engagement rings. From what I read, it appears that they took the place of dowry from the bride’s father. We think of dowry as going to the husband (as in India, where they burn brides whose families don’t give “enough” consumer items). In ancient Biblical times, the purpose of dowries was to provide for the bride in the event of death of the husband or divorce. The dowry was to be increased (2 sheep or goats into a herd, etc.) by the husband (or father).
A diamond ring, is a vestige of that custom. From my reading, it is the modern day version of a herd of goats meant to support her in the event of death or divorce–although the husband is now the one providing it. (Maybe, in pagan European tribes the husband provided the dowry–I don’t know)
Perhaps we’d be better off if brides’ fathers provided sheep or goats–or hedge funds–instead of expecting grooms to cough up diamonds.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:17 pmFirst marriage–husband gave me a very nice, elegant ring set. Probably set him back at least $5k. Cheated on me and left me for another women. We had a 20 month old daughter at the time. Second marriage–I picked out the ring. It’s a gold braid, because I brought a daughter into this marriage and it was the three of us. I have been married almost 12 years now and we have two daughters together. I get contact dermatitis when I stress out, which is pretty frequently as I’m in grad school and my husband is deployed often, so I rarely wear my ring. I’ve been chastised by my best friend for not wearing a ring. My philosophy? It’s not the ring, it’s the marriage. I don’t ask for any jewelry or presents. I know I’m lucky to have a good marriage and a solid man who has come home in one piece from Iraq on three occassions. That’s all I need.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:18 pmI’ve been saying this for years. Hardly anyone that I know understands why I feel this way. Hell, I’m not even in to a formal wedding because I just can’t see the point in spending that kind of money on a one day event. I’d rather save all that money, go to city hall with a few witnesses and save the money for cool stuff or stuff needed. I don’t need a big show should I ever decide that I want to get hitched.
And as for a ring? The reason for me is because I would feel rather guilty that someone spent that kind of money and I would also, truthfully, be embarrassed. That may not make sense to a lot of people but it would downright embarrass me. When it comes to jewelry, I am a pretty simple person.
Now, if you truly wish to impress me, get down on one knee and ask me to marry you while presenting me with a brand new computer…with all the bells and whistles.
(Just kidding. Sort of.)
February 14th, 2008 at 5:24 pmbtw: Michellecag…I do the same thing at commercial time. I mute them because I can’t stand half the voices in those commercials….awfully condescending, really.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pmFunny that you posted about this today, Rachel. I just made this motivational poster this morning.
Great minds.
Mikey
February 14th, 2008 at 5:42 pmMy ex-fiance had this same attitude. She wanted a ring she could wear around her neck… like Frodo. Really. She was a big LOTR nut. It didn’t work not, though. It wasn’t Frodo’s fault.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:07 pmIn 1964 my bride to be and I picked out a diamond she liked. It was under a carat and it had a flaw or two. So did (and do) we. It was inexpensive and kicked off 44 years of not taking jewelry too seriously. The ring band has worn through twice and each time we have had it repaired by having another band soldered along side it. Sort of like hip replacement.
About twenty years ago, the stone fell out. I found it in our gravel driveway. The jeweler told us it was chipped and we should seriously consider another stone. We both laughed at the notion. For better or worse, this is our rock and we told him we wanted it re-mounted. My wife even suggested that she would be happy to have the chip visible. That was too much for the bauble merchant. When we picked up the repaired ring, he proudly showed us how he had covered up the chip with the prong.
Life is s-o-o-o-o-o complicated.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:07 pmDiamonds. Who cares. The real test is chocolate. I don’t have to get chocolates, but if I do, they better not be Russell Stover. The slogan at our house is “Nothing says ‘your not worth a trip to See’s’ like Russell Stovers.”
I agree about bling. Worthless, worthless, worthless. Nothing melts my heart like a big ol’ gift card to Barnes and Noble. That’s love. And ONLY if we can afford it. That’s the main thing. Grand gestures that end up on charge cards piss me off.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:08 pm@hi_desertgirl: contact dermatitis is most often caused by the nickel that’s alloyed with gold, not the gold itself. Many jewelers now offer nickel-free 14kt and 18kt gold.
@Ra’ch al-Luqqas: Does “Derek’s” wife know that he once dated you? Any chance she reads this blog? If so, will it come as a surprise that her husband regularly cheats on her?
February 14th, 2008 at 6:16 pmWhen those Hollywood snorters make “Blood Cocaine,” maybe I will care what they think. Nonetheless, diamonds have been pretty blood soaked for a while.
My ex (had a very nice orange topaz ring made for her at her specifications - artist, dontchaknow?) used to ask during apartheid days, “Where’d all that gold and those diamonds the rappers and other black celebrities wear as bling come from?”
Good question.
Knew a woman whose family escaped Estonia as the Russians advanced in 1945. Horror stories she could tell! They lost all thier land and shop and everything. The only thing that saved them was a stash of jewelry they could trade. Portable assets.
Years later, in America, some repair guys stumbled across her stash while doing thier work. The foreman was an honest guy and called her to come get it. She absolutely went apeshit that they’d discovered it. Old habits, ingrained by the tender mercies of the Nazis and Communists, die hard.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:33 pmFirst marraige for me, 35 years old at the time, been 6 years now. My wife was a widow, a year younger. Her late hubby kept buying her all kinds of crap they couldn’t afford and it would piss her off. Mainly because it was expensive and she thought ugly as sin. I bought her a nice, petite ring, engagement and wedding bands were combined just over 1400. I am going to get her a matching band for the other side of the diamond (just over 1/2 ct.) at our 10 year anniversary. Should be about 500 bucks. That’s all she wants. She’s a petite woman and thinks big jewelry on small women looks tacky. Her sister has a ring that had to be in the 15-16k range. Looks ridiculous and it really started them off on the wrong foot financially. Me, I have a 250 dollar gold band with a few engravings in it, only because she insisted, otherwise it would have been plain gold, smooth. The only other two pieces of jewelery I have are a Seiko watch that my folks bought me in 1985 from Switzerland (a funny story in itself) which I’ve had rebuilt 3 times since then because it’s sentimental to me (and I wear it everyday) and a ring that my dad gave me almost exactly one year before he died suddenly, that has two large diamonds (each is over 1 ct.) and an emerald in it. I will never part with that ring and most of the time it sits in it’s box on a shelf in my gunsafe.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:48 pmAn expensive ring does not buy happiness, indeed. My ex-wife and I originally bought a nice, frugal ring when we were engaged (about $2,500). I could tell she never really liked it, even though she was the one that picked it out. About 7 years later, she decided she really wanted a new ring. We ended up spending about $12,000. She loved it.
Two years later, we were divorced. We sold that $12,000 ring back for $4,500 as part of the divorce settlement.
I didn’t get any joe blobs out of it, either.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:55 pmheliotrope and Marla - I love you guys. You’re awesome
Update: And Maureen. And wahsatchmo. Aw hell, you’re all awesome.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:58 pmAnd now for another point of view:
I hate the cheesy commercials and all that they imply. I agree that Valentine’s Day should not be about getting a payoff in the sack. If your love’s sexual favors are dependent upon you presenting a gift — any gift — then you might want to move on and look for someone who loves you more than things. Likewise, if you are only giving a lavish gift in order to get something in return, then you are attempting to purchase favor; and that’s crappy.
I’m not an elitist snob nor am I high maintenance. The only jewelry I regularly wear is a watch, wedding ring, simple earrings, and a miraculous medal. I don’t give a rat’s ass about impressing others. The sentimental value is always the most important thing to me, and I know that my daughters will both treasure the jewelry I will leave to them someday not for its monetary value, but because it came from their father and me.
Good jewelry is also an investment. Look at all the folks buying gold in this uncertain economy. It doesn’t only have to be Krugerrands; jewelry certainly qualifies. Many reputable jewelers will give you a certificate that says they guarantee to buy it back for the amount you paid for it or the current market value if that is greater than what you paid for as long as you own it. (I know Cartier and Tiffany have this policy.) I have Jewish friends who would not even exist if their families hadn’t been able to bribe their way out of Europe during WWII with family jewelry.
If we had the money, I wouldn’t mind if my husband bought a $10G motorcycle — even though I would never drive it. If he thought he should have an expensive bike while I got a skimpy little ring, I’d definitely wonder whether he was selfish. (What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.)
I agree that it’s tragic if someone puts him- or herself in debt in order to buy expensive jewelry — especially if it’s to show off or get laid — but I also believe that people are entitled to spend the money they have earned in any way they see fit. It’s nobody else’s business how they choose to spend their money.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:15 pmTwo years ago the diamond came out of my ring. What did I do with the insurance money? I bought our kids a really bitching swingset.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:16 pmMy husband loves that I don’t care about jewelry. If he wants to get me something nice I would prefer it to be something the whole family can enjoy like a TV or a vacation.
That Derek. What a schmo! If he had only offered you $10,000 worth of doggie costumes you’d still be together.
With a fine litter too!
February 14th, 2008 at 7:25 pmWhatever you can afford is great, but guys, before you spend the big bucks……think it through. My husband bought me $10,000 earrings once and I cried and cried. I was miserable. I couldn’t understand how the man I loved could think that I would want something like that. It made me sick to even think about it. Was he shallow, did he think I was. $10,000 would be on my EARS! I can’t see my ears unless I look in a mirror. I didn’t want to run around looking at myself in a mirror. It was a horrible holiday. He thought he’d done something great, it was the worst I can ever remember feeling other than having a migraine for 3 days. He was embarrased about it but he did call the store and got them to take them back. I felt bad for him because he’d been so excited to give me such a “cool” present. But no way could I wear them. He just got sucked up in the diamond ads and forgot who I was.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:31 pmi totally second that, tess. i wish i met more grounded ladies like you and maureen during college or even high school.
and maureen, i’d love to do just that, i’d be honored. but the drinks have to come with a medium rare steak, because i, unfortunately, am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. but that doesn’t mean i don’t know my alcohol
i am currently researching single malts, blends and will start researching rum and brandy soon.
one more thing. i am SO FREAKING JEALOUS of all the ladies who got GUNS as a present. whiiiiine.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:41 pmI sold my wedding ring on eBay for $45.00 - call me sentimental.
What galls me most about the deBeers ads is the fake Vivaldi - come on - you could use the real music - after 300 years it is bound to be in the public domain.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:00 pmSeeing as there have only been a few evolutionary-style comments, I’ll weigh in.
With great simplification, what women (evolutionarily) are supposed to want is security (what money represents in our society). This explains and supports the comments already made about a big rock replacing some sort of dowry, so that presumably the woman could continue to eat and feed her offspring should her man die (and therefore reproduce her genes).
Unfortunately for the modern-day woman, a big rock does not equal a great deal of easily-accessible money, as you’ll never get back what you paid. Therefore, a woman wanting a big rock seems pretty stupid.
Again with great simplification, what men are supposed to want is lots of sex (so they can spread their genes). This is one reason why they want to show off - so they can get the attention and admiration of lots of women, and therefore sexual access. So it seems you’re right on the money, Rachel (and others) that the ring was “all about him”. Considering celebrating an engagement in most cases already means the guy has sexual access to that particular woman, he’s probably not showing off for her. Anyone surprised the guys who insist on the showy rings cheat????
February 14th, 2008 at 9:28 pmI think it would be cheaper to hire a girl for on-demand sex after paying all costs to verify she’s clean and well trained. That is, if the man-wants-sex-in-trade-for-expensive-ring theory is true.
February 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pmI knew I’d chosen the right woman when, after asking her to marry me and hearing “yes,” I asked her if she wanted a diamond engagement ring. Her (honest!) answer: “Hell no.”
We wear matching wedding bands. We’re both happy with that.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:26 pmALL of those commercial jewelers make ugly SHIT. Ick!!! It’s the jewelry version of hotel “art.”
I like jewelry, but you know what- I buy what I like for myself! I have weird taste, and I’d never expect a guy to know what to pick out for me- it would be as impossible as him choosing the right BRA.
Anyway, I like stuff that gets juried by artisans’ guilds… Unique, interesting, beautiful. Like a woman should be- and jewelry should enhance that, not be cookie-cutter crap.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:29 pmJeff Bonwick - re: Derek’s wife reading this. Not a chance. They live overseas now and we haven’t been in touch in a few years and as far as I know, he never talked about me to her because we only dated for a few months and it wasn’t that big of a deal. My comment about their “current” lives is actually based on information from about 4 years ago; I’m just assuming it’s still true because I’m mean that way.
And I would like the record to show that I have nothing against jewelry per se. In fact, I LOVE LOVE LOVE handcrafted jewelry and have quite a bit of it. I even have my eye on something over at CastoCreations; she makes beautiful pieces. I want them so bad.
My only point about the whole thing is how the really cheesy stuff is shoved down our throats and everybody is falling for what the big retailers are selling us. The markup on that stuff is huge, and it all looks the same.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:22 pm| Jeff Bonwick - re: Derek’s wife reading this. Not a chance.
Bummer. Somehow, to have two really shallow people discover that their relationship is in trouble by reading it on someone else’s blog would be just delicious. Sorry, I’m not normally so mean. But every once in a while, you just gotta say: bwahahahaha!
February 15th, 2008 at 12:21 amRachel, you are the best. I have introduced my 20yr old daughter to your blog. Hope some of it rubs off!
P.S. Is all the post raging on topics like this a sign of the apocalypse or preggopocalypse?
February 15th, 2008 at 1:36 amAs for the ‘design’ of this stuff, has anyone noticed the latest diamond necklace they are all pushing - a curved line of diamonds going from small at the top to large at the bottom - looks like a spinal column viewed from the side? I told my husband ‘That looks like some cheesy thing a chiropractor would get his wife - some ego piece that represents what he does for a living.’ I can’t imagine anyone plunking down money for it.
February 15th, 2008 at 8:47 amI love my wife so much, I got her an $8M rock.
Sincerely,
February 15th, 2008 at 8:55 amKobe Bryant
Ha… one of the many things I love so much about my wife is the fact that she doesn’t like diamonds… her engagement ring had a small sapphire, with TINY diamonds (couldn’t find just a straight sapphire ring…), but it was very tasteful and looks really good on her.
February 15th, 2008 at 10:04 amI own several pieces of jewelry that I inherited from stepmother, mother, etc. My ex bought an engagement and wedding band set for about $500.00 back in 1983; it was all I wanted.
Holidays, however, were awful around him. He was so afraid to spend any amount of money (and it wasn’t that we couldn’t afford it) that he would either start a fight two days before the holiday or be out of town and “forget.” Christmas was the worst, as he made our lives a living hell and wouldn’t even let us enjoy what little we were permitted to do. No decorating, few if any gifts, gifts to be immediately put away, etc. Grousing, complaining and whining for the whole holiday.
And then he was “shocked” when I left him the day after Christmas. Duh. Now I’m free to either enjoy the holiday or leave it alone in peace.
February 15th, 2008 at 11:44 amI guess I’m alone here - I’m a confirmed jewelry hound. While I don’t own anything that costs more than $3,000 - I have alot of jewelry. Not alot of diamond jewelry - enough to make a nice set. But I love jewelry - I’m like a crow, I love the shiny things. And yes, I do wear all of it at some point. Mix and match, whatever mood I’m in.
Just can’t help it. I will say I buy all of it from independent jewelers - I no longer shop at chains.
February 15th, 2008 at 2:07 pmSomebody beat me to the Ron White quote, so I’ll reference Rita Rudner, who once said about expensive jewelry: “I don’t want anything around my neck that’s worth more than my head.”
February 15th, 2008 at 2:12 pmI am going to pretty much disagree with everybody, I guess.
Diamond engagement rings are a form of economic signaling. A $10,000 ring signals “I have enough money that spending $10,000 on a totally useless object is not a big deal for me. I will be able to support you and our children” Such a suitor is, all other things being equal, generally a better bet from the woman’s perspective.
Of course, if the guy buys the ring on credit, the signal is counterfeit.
February 15th, 2008 at 3:13 pmRachel,
read this:
http://drhelen.blogspot.com/2008/02/why-are-diamonds-girls-best-friend.html
Dr Helen explains in her blog, that women want expensive jewelry BECAUSE it is expensive and utterly useless. This is how a man proves he is devoted to her and can provide for her. If he were to buy a house or car, it would not count as a token of devotion, since it has value. It has to be useless.
I am the practical sort. I don’t like expensive jewelry.
But after reading Dr. Helen, I can see why some people want/need this proof.
February 15th, 2008 at 3:33 pmGood thing for my man that I am not in that group.
Wow - spot on, Rachel.
February 15th, 2008 at 5:23 pmI posted yesterday that Hubby forgot Valentine’s Day and didn’t get me anything.
Today he steam-cleaned the carpets. It was a complete surprise to me, I had said nothing about it.
That, guys, is a true Valentine’s Day gift. Or any-day gift. Better than a card, better than flowers, better than candy, better than jewelry.
Nothing says “I love you” than helping out with the housework without being asked.
February 15th, 2008 at 6:14 pmI like jewelry but have never been able to afford very much of it. I’d also rather buy my own, due to my tastes. I like diamonds, but not the ginormous flashy ones. I like opals best, and I like it when they’re accented with a small, tasteful diamond or colored gemstone. I used to have a few opal rings but sold them off when times got tough.
I’ve been around women who received high-status engagement rings with big rocks which could blind you from across the room; for them, I guess, I can see the point of the expensive, useless item which proves a man’s ability to provide for his wife and future family.
When I worked in downtown L.A., I was near the jewelry district, and there are indeed some good deals to be had there. At one time I did have a couple of mid-range-priced watches and a couple of opal rings. There was a great importer/jeweler there which specialized in opals. They had some affordable stuff, and also really magnificent items which I could never afford unless I won the lottery.
Nowadays I make do with inexpensive watches which I buy on sale from places like Wal-Mart or Big Lots. I particularly like the end-of-year closeout sales at these places; if you choose carefully, you can buy watches which look a lot better then their inexpensive prices would suggest.
I also like pierced earrings, but rarely wear them nowadays. Because my ears are really sensitive to metals, I have to either go with 14K gold or else the hypoallergenic stuff sold as piercing earrings.
Since I was never really looking for a man to take care of me financially, I never saw the point (for me) of insisting on jewelry which would force the guy to make a huge financial sacrifice.
One of my supervisors, a long time ago, had a set of engagement/wedding rings which was fairly simple yet IMO really pretty. The engagement ring had a flower-shaped setting, complete with petals, in the middle of which was a relatively small but nice diamond. The metal was probably either white gold or platinum. The wedding ring was simple but might have been one of tho