Her husband is a lucky man.
UPDATED
Over at Dr. Helen’s blog, I found a link to this MSNBC article by a woman who is truly a remarkable individual, willing to personally insult the father of her children on the internet and to clear up once and for all any questions anyone out there might have about why men sometimes don’t want to get married. Get a load of this:
I admit that my husband helps out more than many men, but here’s another news flash: It isn’t because he’s such a fabulously enlightened being. Left to his own devices, he would doubtless park himself in front of the TV like some sitcom male-chauvinist couch potato while I did all the work. The reason Jeremy “helps” as much as he does (an offensive terminology that itself suggests who’s really being held responsible) is simple: He doesn’t have a choice.
…So how have I accomplished this? By holding my husband’s feet to the fire every single day of our lives, of course.
Yes, dear readers, it’s true: Maintaining some semblance of parity in your marriage requires you to deploy the same kinds of nasty tactics you swore you would never stoop to as a parent but nonetheless found yourself using the minute you actually had a kid. Bribery and punishment work; so do yelling and complaining. Threats are also effective, as long as everyone knows you mean business. With husbands, tender blandishments and nooky are particularly useful, as is the withholding of the aforementioned.
…When my husband has lingered too long over the sports section and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the number of errands that must be run, I hand him a list. “This is what I need you to do today,” I say in a tone of voice that brooks no equivocation. He may moan and groan, but the jobs get done. And while I still have to mastermind the operation — somehow he is never the one who remembers that our son needs new mosquito netting, baseball cleats, and basketball shoes for sleepaway camp…
…in my experience husbands are a lot like children. They will get away with whatever they can get away with. When you put your foot down and make it clear that you won’t take no for an answer, somehow the kids’ rooms get cleaned, the groceries bought, the laundry folded. It really does work, I promise.
Wow. And here I was blundering through life with the idiotic idea that you shouldn’t marry a man who’s not already a fully functioning, self-sufficient adult human being. Wrong! Marry any guy you like (even if he is clearly nowhere near your personal standards), make babies with him, and then treat him like a child for the rest of your life because that makes you feel powerful. That means you are not taking any SHIT from any lazy worthless no-good MAN.
Throw in a little withholding of sex and affection, and a nice dose of public humiliation with an article on MSNBC about what a dumbass he is, and you, too, will be a selfless heroine martyr. It’s so easy and I’m pissed I didn’t think of it first.
Now I’m hoping that if and when Rupert and I get married, I’ll go into it with grave misgivings about some aspect of his personality but will let him know in no uncertain terms that I will bitch that part of him straight to death if he doesn’t straighten up PRONTO. If I’m lucky, he won’t straighten up at all except to OBEY ME under the crushing weight of despair and misery, so that many years from now, I can get paid to write an article about how childish he is.
All the while, I will refuse to ever contemplate what sort of effect my condescending, hateful attitude towards him has on his quality of life and his personal satisfaction with our marriage. Screw that crap, who cares? He’s just a MAN. I will never take a moment to sit down and consider whether my behavior might just be making him hate my guts. Because now I know the truth, and the truth is that white men are not only racists (see last post), but also childish morons.
Oh my god, it’s so liberating!
Another thing I’ll be sure never to do, from now on as I fully manifest my inner bitch-martyr, is to ever stop for one fucking MINUTE to think about how I am singlehandedly causing every young man who reads my articles to run screaming in terror the minute a girl utters the word “marriage” to him. I will not worry that my words do nothing but a disservice to other women, confirming ugly stereotypes and mens’ worst fears about taking on a wife. It’s not MY problem if men are too weak and immature to sign up for a life closely resembling a forced death march.
I’m going to have to write a letter personally thanking Leslie Bennetts, the author of this enlightening piece on gender relations, for waking me up to a whole new world of endless possibilities. I’m already making lists of things for Rupert to DO RIGHT NOW, as soon as he gets back from Iraq. And, he hasn’t proposed to me yet but I’m pretty sure he will within a month of returning, after I’ve taught him a lesson or two about how if he doesn’t put his coffee cup in the dishwasher, he will not get any physical affection from me, no sir! Because now I know what is really important: getting everything my way. Awesome.
UPDATE: Moron Pundit wonders what it would be like if a man wrote this article and everything was switched up. Well played, MP. Well played.
…in my experience wives are a lot like children. They will get away with whatever they can get away with. When you put your foot down and make it clear that you won’t take no for an answer, somehow the balls get licked and the dinner cooked and the babies cared for. It really does work, I promise.
You know why men usually die before their wives do, don’t ya? It’s because they want to.
That woman who wrote the article must have a magic va-jajay or something. Maybe it’s made of heroin. Yeah, that’s it, sweet, sweet heroin.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:29 pmPlease, lady, DON’T strike a blow for me. You and your ilk have done enough damage, thank you very much.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:33 pmI’m just surprised her ‘husband’ (read - servant) hasn’t put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger yet.
Probably doesn’t even have that much will power left any more
April 21st, 2008 at 2:35 pmPart of me wants to see the man’s reply article on MSNBC, “My wife is a mean bitch who spends no time with our children because she’s writing hate-filled articles on MSNBC”. Yeah, like we’ll see that one.
Part of me wonders if this man forgot a birthday or anniversary, and this is payback.
Part of me wonders if divorce proceedings are imminent.
And that last part of me questions another part of me and asks, “Hey, are you completely sure about this dating thing again?”
April 21st, 2008 at 2:36 pmLiberated men, who seem to be able to function perfectly well in the big, bad world without having a live-in harpy/mom, have a word for women like this. I can’t think of this word off the top of my head, but if I remember correctly, it rhymes with “runts”.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:36 pmLeslie Bennetts’ husband needs to grow a pair.
(and, seriously, what else can we expect from the woman who wrote The Feminine Mistake?)
April 21st, 2008 at 2:38 pmSounds an awful lot like verbal and mental abuse of her poor husband. I don’t know why he hasn’t told her to STFU and kiss his walking out the door ass. Oh yeah, and withholding naked fun time… Guess what lady, there’s a long line of women already not having sex with him. That does not work.
That article blows me away. Blows. Me. Away. God save us all from people like her.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:42 pmInterestingly enough, John Hawkins is blogging about this very thing as we speak.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman that who deserved the title of “wirehaired man-goblin” more than Leslie Bennetts.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:43 pmThis proves definitively that you can judge a book by its cover. Or vice versa. Hideous is as hideous does, or something.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pmMy question is, does she work full-time as well as take care of the house and kids? If so, then yeah, she should expect him to do half the chores. But if she’s a stay-at-home mom. What the he** does she think he’s doing 9 hours a day when he’s gone? Bowling? If he’s the breadwinner, then he should still do some things like fixing the cars and yardwork, but to expect parity in housework is insane.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:47 pmTelling anyone “what you need to do ” is a nonstarter. This type of dialog only creates rebellion and assures that whatever needs doing will never be done by that person.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:48 pm“our weekends begin with him enjoying a third cup of coffee over the morning newspapers while I rush around making breakfast, cleaning up the house, and organizing the children’s day”
Three words. Cereal. Clutter. Swingset. All three things taken care of. Now go have some coffee.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pmHave I told you lately that I love you? Damn, can you shred ‘em. Happy birthday, Rachel!
April 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pmReminds me of an ex-girlfriend that I had. Notice the EX.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pmI guess what I want to know, as an unmarried man, is how prevalent this type of insanity is. Honestly, it DOES make me less likely to marry when I read something like this.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:53 pmOkay, NOW I get it! See, I thought marriage was about love and mutual respect and shared beliefs. But I was WRONG! It’s all about control!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 2:56 pmJamfish! Make me a sandwich!!
/sarc
I dont think this kind of insanity is prevalent except within a certain group of women. If you can avoid them, you can avoid this insanity.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:56 pmLeslie Bennetts is an ex-wife in the making. What a miserable shrew. She will end up alone and bitter (like all militant feminists)- that is guaranteed.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:58 pmYou know what bothers me the most? The fact that she feels just fine writing about her husband in this manner. Did she consider how it might make her husband feel? Or their children? How humiliating for them all.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:01 pmJeremy, run far and run fast.
My ex-wife is a psychologist and was not nearly as bad as is this gal. She is either a mysandrist or needs some Cherokee Hair. (South Park ref. Look it up). We’ll check her column again in 28 days or so.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:02 pmJohn M. says
“My question is, does she work full-time as well as take care of the house and kids?”
Yes. The second graf of the MSNBC article says
April 21st, 2008 at 3:04 pm“Like my husband and me, our upstairs neighbors during those years, Amy and Nick, were both working journalists with complicated schedules…”
Two words come to mind after reading this article.
Perpetual Victimhood.
It’s the raison d’etre the author is espousing such cruel behavior. And yes, the husband needs to grow a pair and realize that he could do better than this wench.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:04 pmI married my best friend, she is the same person now that she was when we were dating. If she is crazy when you are dating her, she won’t become sane when she has a ring on her finger.
Seriously, before you even think about marriage the big question you should ask isn’t “Do I love her” but it should be “Is she my best friend” and “Does she drive me crazy” because none of that will change after the wedding is over.
Oh, and this psycho woman probably shouldn’t have kids at all. Her son will probably be in therapy for the rest of his life
April 21st, 2008 at 3:05 pmAnd, it is the reason why I tell every young man I can, for the last decade or so, there is no reason to get married. It has absolutely NO benefit for you. And, if you have kids and get divorced, the family court is far less likely to give you any kind of equitable custody IF you had been married to the mother of the kids. The court is FAR more likely to give a man better cusdody rights if they think it will “keep him around.” And, a guy who married the mother shows he has some kind of responsibility and commitment, so there fore he takes it up the ass by the court and gets LESS custody rights.
And, frankly, most of the things that women complain about at home can be taken care of by a domestic service. It’s cheaper and if you don’t like the way things are done, fire them and hire another company. No divorce. No attorneys. No complaining. No whining. No witholding of sex. No balls pulled through your wallet. No deals. Just straight pay-to-play for a cleaning service. It’s like legalized prostitution of the dust mop. But, no one needs to have a VD test. Wonderful!
And, who the hell cares if the toilet gets scrubbed every week or two or once a month? Just how many people are using your bathroom, anyway? The less using it, the less cleaning it needs. Once a month is fine.
You want dishes done? get an automatic dishwasher. Clothes? Buy Permanent press clothes, wash everything on cold with color fast bleach (like Clorox II) and dry on perm press. It’s just that easy. nothing like a washer and dryer. Liquid soap. Clorox II. Fabric softener. Wash several small loads during the week, when you’re home at night. Hang up the duds as soon as the washer buzzes or rings. You’re done.
And, peace and quiet and sanity belong to you. The woman you married is not morphed into some mother-queen you don’t recognize, who insists on being more of a “mother” to you than your real mother was. Well, maybe I should say the woman you married starts acting like a “muthuh.” That’s probably more accurate.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:09 pmCan we start a betting pool for how many women this shrew’s husband is banging behind her back? Seriously, I view cheating on your spouse/significant other to be one of the most despicable acts a person can engage in, but if this guy is giving it to his secretary, I’ll stand up and cheer.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:11 pmThreats are also effective, as long as everyone knows you mean business.
I’m pretty sure men get restraining orders slapped on them for making threats.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pmThis ball-busting harpy personifies the decades of subtle and not so subtle erosion of men as fathers, husbands, brothers, sons, friends and providers. Jeremy needs to man up and tell her to STFU and join him in a cup of coffee. Stop worrying about clutter. Stop keeping score about every little fucking thing that he does “wrong.” Stop overscheduling her and her kids. And what about the kids? Are they happy witnessing the daily evisceration of their Dad by the alpha female? Yeesh!
April 21st, 2008 at 3:17 pmNot just in the making. Jeremy is her SECOND husband.
I can’t imagine why…
Which isn’t to say that if she’s sane when you’re dating her she won’t become crazy when she has a ring on her finger. : )
April 21st, 2008 at 3:19 pmI’m in. Hmmmm…I’m going to go with 5 per year - assuming he’s gotten pretty good at slipping his leash. His aptitude has likely increased with her rapid deployment of “nasty tactics”.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:20 pmDearRachel,
I cannot help but notice, as I read this article and the posted comments, that over on the right side of the page are scrolled what appear to be adds on how to meet women.
Somehow the Blogads software has determined that men who have just read a screed guaranteed to make them fear women will want to meet more of them.
I do have to say, however, that if I could be badgered by Your Imperial Awesomeness, I would jump right into that lake. Yesiree.
v/r
April 21st, 2008 at 3:20 pmmike
Any woman who withholds sex to get her man to do something is really a prostitute.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pmMy great aunt used to deny my uncle to get him to assist in the building her HER church (He was a plumber). My Grandpa told her this made her a prostitute. She about had a cow. But seriously, think about it. He’s right.
Good God! It’s hard for me to read that crap. This woman has some serious issues.
Perhaps the worst part of this is that this guy is “trapped” in this marriage if he wants to see his kids on a regular basis. If he were to divorce her, the author of this piece (how apropos) sounds just like the type of psycho-bitch that would “remind” the children of exactly where daddy “touched them” last weekend when they were speaking to the judge in divorce court.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pmHer advice seems to be nothing more than “he’s miserable therefore I’m happy.” If you treated a dog this way the cops would cite you for animal cruelty.
It’s amazing to me how some people are so willing to mis-treat others and call it “empowerment.” Sooner or later he’s going to walk.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:22 pm$50 on “seven”.
It would certainly explain why he’s too tired to help out around the house.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:23 pmThe least attractive, most infuriating thing a wife could possibly do is show this sort of public contempt for her husband. This man is a saint for not leaving her, I swear–authoritarian nagging and bitching aside, this sort of shameless public insult of the most self-sacrificing man I’ve ever read about is just too much.
Can I use this as a chance to pitch the advantages of the crazy Christian conservative traditional (3 evil words…) approach to marriage? No fights or power struggles, since the Bible puts the guy in charge. The woman uses requests for help as if it was needed, which is the most attractive way to approach a man and the most likely to succeed anyway. Both parties work things out without bothering to threaten to leave, since they’re not allowed to (divorce is a sin, you know). The woman’s in charge of the home–also spelled out in the NT–and the fellow’s in charge of breadwinning, so there’s no bickering about who’s paying for what or who’s doing what chores, and each can appreciate anything the other contributes toward helping the other’s role (i.e. man’s more appreciative of woman’s financial contribution to the family because that’s “not her job,” and lady’s more appreciate of the man’s help around the house, because that’s “not his job”).
Now, I understand that has its drawbacks from an egalitarian point of view (different responsibilities are inherently unequal responsibilities, and, well, if the wife’s supposed to obey her husband she’s obviously oppressed from a secular perspective). But surely you can see it has the advantage of not leading to the sort of misery this woman’s husband experiences every day, and the sort of contempt she has for him. No? Comments welcome.
(Full disclosure: I’m a Christian, and my relatively new marriage works along this model, albeit imperfectly.)
April 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pmLeslie Bennetts is the author of “The Feminine Mistake” and has been a contributing editor at Vanity Fair since 1988, writing on subjects that have ranged from movie stars to U.S. terrorism policy.
Hmmm…I was wondering what she writes with regard to U.S. terrorism policy so I went to her bio page on the Huffington Post. I didn’t find an answer, nor do I think I need one (I can guess), but I did find the name of the lucky dude…
Bennetts has also written for many other magazines, including Town & Country, Columbia Journalism Review, New York Magazine, Vogue, Good Housekeeping, Ladies Home Journal, More, House & Garden, Worth, Family Life, Parents, Child, Parenting, The Nation, Women’s Day, Tango, Modern Bride, and Women’s Health. She lives in Manhattan with her husband, journalist Jeremy Gerard, and their two children.
Aside from letting the sink fill up with dirty dishes until his mommy-wife tells him it’s time to stop reading the sports section, Jeremy Gerard also…wait for it…has a column on the Huffington Post where he talks about, among other things, his wife’s book.
That must be a helluva book. It needs two HuffPo columnists to talk it up. And that must be just one helluva national debate they’re wanting us to have, about how much help men and women should put out mopping the floors and doing the laundry.
Wouldn’t it be so much simpler to keep your private matters private? And just, y’know, make sure the garbage cans are emptied out before your wife gets home so she doesn’t get so cranky?
April 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pmCrikey. While the author is certainly a man-hating piece of shit, I reserve special contempt for the loser who submits to this type of soul-scourging. I understand that there are children involved, and God knows I couldn’t quit my kids on a bet, but I’ll bet that this spineless weasel knew going in that he be his wife’s whipping boy. And he married her anyway.
We’re not talking alpha male versus beta male. Leslie Bennetts shopped around and found an omega male, or maybe zeta male.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:26 pmI also think that the phenomenons she admits in her article to not understanding have to do with what these guys want. These men would be happy if their wives quit their jobs or worked half-time. What these guys want is to work hard, be respected as a breadwinner, and have peace (read: not this woman) in their house. That’s more important to them than her 5-6 figure salary, I’ll bet you anything. These women she’s discussing voluntarily take on extra responsibilities, then can’t understand why their husbands don’t volunteer to take on half of sum total. Meh? Just spitballing here.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:28 pmFor those of you who are not religious like Joe Bingham (this is NOT a criticism of your approach or religiosity, Joe), an alternative approach is to treat a marriage as a team effort.
Any of you who have ever been part of a team or played a team sport, you know there are personality differences, etc. But, to “win” (and winning is part of the “game of life”) as a team, it takes submerging one’s ego for awhile, in order to insure that the “team” (or family) succeeds. Then, you can go back to being your regular ol’ egocentric self, pursuing your own personal goals. Until the next time the team needs something.
As humans, any of you should be able to switch back and forth quickly, easily and with transparency. If not, then you need practice. Like playing any sport, practice makes perfect. Or very close to it.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:30 pmHaha the story’s getting an average 2/5 rating by readers. Good sign.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:31 pmI would disagree with armyofdog on one thing: If he doesn’t have enough guts to stand up to her, he doesn’t have the motivation to go to someone else. He just figures it’s not worth the trouble.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:31 pmAnd, lest you think that I regard infidelity as a noble recourse in a situation such as this, I’ll tell you what I told my son (you can probably guess his name) on the subject:
“Son, every man goes into marriage with the idea and hope that he’ll remain faithful. But every man comes to a point where they actually have to make a decision on what kind of man they’re going to be. Each has his own motivation, but for me it boiled down to this: If there’s a woman out there who’s worth it, with whom the sex is so fantastic as to make it worthwhile to lose my family, lose my house, have some other guy tucking my kids in at night, getting them to call him Daddy, sleeping with my wife, and having me pay him for the priviledge, I have not met that woman.”
Sounds to me like this guy either made a bad decision and has decided to live with it for the time being, or he likes being bossed around and never having to make decisions for himself.
Well, it is good to hear that this type of insanity isn’t very common. I guess after being in the dating pool for this long and finding much to dislike including attempts at control and manipulation, I’m a bit jaded.
Then all my worst fears get confirmed by some psycho. Nice.
I also wonder what would happen if a man wrote a piece like this but reversed.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:35 pmGood point DonBodell. I am currently doing the laundry while the wife is in school because it needs to be done, not because of some kind of deal we made.
You do what you have to so that things will work and if that means doing something you don’t like every once in a while to make sure that things stay on track, then you do it.
Moron Pundit, if a guy wrote this you would see it all over MSM and the feminists would be demanding an apology while Code Pink marched up and down outside his apartment
April 21st, 2008 at 3:35 pmI’m betting it’s a whole lot more than 5. This woman and others like her keep entire armies of prostitutes working year-round. I’d bet he’s got at least one regular on the side and rolodex full of hefty blond hookers who are willing to role play “Jeremy and his obedient little slut.”
April 21st, 2008 at 3:37 pm$10 on Zero. He obviously lacks the required testosterone. If he had it, he’d be an EX-husband.
Men marry women expecting them to stay the same. Women marry men expecting them to change. Both are generally mistaken.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:38 pmI think you’ll find that there are a great number of men who lack the courage to stand up to their wives, but will readily expend the effort to find another woman. Yes it’s risky and there are certainly dire consequences, but the men who wind up in these marriages haven’t exactly displayed the best decision-making skills.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pmI once worked with a lady who was an immigrant from Russia. I was very interested in her politics, what communism was like, that sort of thing and she told me something that has stuck with me ever since. She said “People deserve their leaders”. Simple, yet profound. How it applies to this lady’s husband… He’s getting exactly what he deserves and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for him. Maybe some day he’ll find his balls in his wife’s purse when she tells him to get her lipstick out if it for her. Unfortunately, the real victims of all this are the two kids.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:43 pmI believe that “ball-busting hyena she-bitch” is the technical term. He probably is only with her because he doesn’t want to lose his kids. She should be SHOT. She’s an abusive wife, and there’s no other word for it. Behavior like that, from a man, would be grounds for a divorce that would put his junk under a steamroller.
By the way, anyone else read the whole article notice those statistics about income? About how women earn more than men in 1/3 of households? I wonder if she believes in the whole 30% less thing….
April 21st, 2008 at 3:44 pmDonBodell,
We might both agree with the formulation that a marriage only works if both parties make an effort at being self-sacrificing.
If both people are trying to get the ratio to 50-50 on everything all the time, they’ll be unhappy, because it’ll never be there. If they can both try to give more than they get, they’ll get a lot more satisfaction. The minute you start thinking of yourself as a martyr… you’re screwed. Like this lady.
Re: people who wonder why he’s with her. Maybe for the kids?
April 21st, 2008 at 3:45 pmAnd happy birthday, Rachel. I’ll at least use your Amazon link today.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:46 pmTurns out if a man wrote something like that, it is VERY awful.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:51 pmI recognized the name Leslie Bennetts from Isaac Asimov’s autobiography. (She is a cousin of Asimov’s widow, Janet Jeppson.) So I looked to see what he wrote about her.
The book confirms that she and her first husband, Bill Boggs, split up in 1971. By Christmas 1976, Bennetts was engaged to a man named George, but Asimov notes that “the engagement broke up eventually”.
I wouldn’t dream of speculating on why those relationships didn’t work out.
In any event, she is now married to Jeremy Gerard, and they have two children, Emily and Nick. This picture shows the whole family. Judging by Emily and Nick’s facial expressions, they are enjoying life in the middle of a gender war about as much as I would.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:01 pmYeah, Joe, the 50-50 formula can easily have someone whining they get the 80 percent of the 50-50 split. Also, men do things that are “not reported.” Meaning they may actually think to pick up that bottle of wine, some steaks for the BBQ, do the lawn work, trim the hedges, take the car in for repair or change the oil themselves, paint the fence, fix sprinklers . . . shall I keep going? None of these things are as “memorable” or “romantic” as doing dishes, washing or ironing/steaming clothes (yes, I said “steaming” clothes–look up a company called Jiffy in Tennessee that makes the hand held commercial steamers that clothing stores use–you can buy one from them for 200 bucks or less) and, the VERY memorable and romantic “cleaning toilets.”
Point is,there are always things to do at home, never enough time to do it and maybe it’s time for all parties to get together and make a family “team” list of what needs to get done, and who can pick up the slack when a family member is ill or not at home (as in away on a trip or something).
OH, and might I add that the family I grew up in did this. No, we didn’t get paid for doing family jobs (as in an allowance). I’ve got nothing against it, but the family saw family duties and responsibilities as things that needed to get done without pay. Pay was something you traded your labor for OUTSIDE the family.
If another model works for your family, use it. Guilt can work. Money can work. Reward other than money can work. And, of course, the always popular trade-off (if we get this and this and this done, we can go to the . . . fill in the blank with beach, fair, carnival, movies, etc.).
April 21st, 2008 at 4:07 pmHe must have been hitting that when it was about 50 pounds lighter and a lot prettier. I hate to be stereotypical (okay, really I don’t) but why is it that the women that bitch the most about men are ugly and fat?
April 21st, 2008 at 4:08 pmPerfect. She’s fat, too. Thanks for the link to the pic. Withhold sex? Oh darn.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:10 pmAfter looking at that picture, and knowing that he’s a good liberal, I’m now thinking that his response to her threats to withhold happynakedtime is the same as his view on taxes:
More withholding, please, and start now.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pmThe way I see it, if her husband ever beats the ever lovin shit out of her, he’s now got a paper trail to argue that he was so abused and mentally tortured by her that it was all done under duress. What man couldn’t sympathize with a guy who has to stay with a woman like this for the sake of his son? I think the dude deserves a medal for not clubbing her into a Terri Schiavo look-alike with a golf club over this behavior.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pmIn his account of their first meeting, Asimov writes: “Leslie was twenty-one years old, tall, blond, beautiful, zaftig, and intelligent. Janet had described her to me as beautiful, and she was right.” But that was 38 years ago.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pmI can second this, and vouch for its success. Pitch in, do some work. If you both notice that something isn’t getting done, discuss it together and see why. I know, for my wife, clutter bothers her - so, while I’m not always successful, I try to help reduce clutter. It only takes a few minutes to get things relocated to their proper homes, and it helps her relax.
Scorekeeping is for the court or the field, not the marriage.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:19 pmAh, and by the way, Instinct, since many of us old pharts (I don’t use the “f” for the same reason “fat” is now “phat”) who served in the military (at that time when anybody who was anybody or nobody was in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines . . . you can include the Coasties, too) needed to have some kind of knowledge about taking care of their military clothes and make them look good enough to pass inspection and NOT get any Article 15’s.
But, one hardly needs to do 4 years or more in the military to learn to do laundry, dishes, etc., esp. with all the wonderful automagic machines we’ve had for the last 50 or more years!
Remember, these were considered labor saving devices. Primarily for wives/women, in the days when most women didn’t work outside the home or worked only part time. But, these fine devices hardly need a woman’s touch to start them, clean them, load and unload them (kinda like giant guns!) and wipe them down, like cleaning the car!
April 21st, 2008 at 4:21 pmFriend of mine sent me this funny that I thought everyone here could appreciate. I couldn’t find it on the web so I posted it on my blog.
Oh, and as far as FAIR and relationships go, there is no such thing. FAIR is a place where you ride on carnival rides, eat cotton candy and throw up.
Yea, DonBodell, I did seven myself. Mom taught me to sew a button and a patch too.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:24 pmOh, and I don’t see laundry, toilet cleaning, dish cleaning, lawn mowing, fence painting, car washing, cooking, shopping (food/clothes/etc) as being “self-sacrificing.”
IF these are things you have to do when you’re single and living alone (guess whaaaat! YOU DO!!!!), then either you’re self sacrificing for yourself (man, if THAT ain’t the ultimate in egocentric!), or they are simply jobs/duties/tasks that need to get done. That is all. So, divide up the work and get the jobs done.
It’s always possible to use the Maoist and Leninist-Stalinist model of trading off tasks between family members, just so everyone gets to see what the others do. Like making doctors and lawyers till the fields for a season. Husband gets to clean the toilets. Wife gets to mow the lawn. Kids? Well, you’re screwed! You get to LEARN IT ALL!!! Then again, that’s how you know HOW to do it all! And, what you want to duck!
OH, and might I add that the farmers NEVER got to perform medical operations under that Maoist/Leninist-Stalinist model. Not that it saved any lives, mind you.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:28 pmGood grief. After looking at this woman’s picture, I have even less respect for her nad-less husband than I did before. It’s one thing to get henpecked by Catherine Zeta-Jones. It’s quite another to get picked on, abused and publicy humiliated by the likes of that beast.
I can not imagine the series of stimuli and neuron responses that would have to take place in one’s brain for any one to consider the withholding of sex by this woman as anything but a blessed reprieve.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:31 pmTHE DUNKING CHAIR
In the old, old days, Mizz Bennett would have been labeled a “common scold,” and be placed — strapped in — a chair at the end of a see-saw over the village pond, and dunked repeatedly.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:33 pmYeeeesh, I just looked at that photo. I think I need to bleach my eyes.
Roderick, I don’t think the dunking chair could hold that load
April 21st, 2008 at 4:35 pmHi Rachl, Finally coming out of lurker limbo to wish you a very Happy Birthday. I read your intelligent enjoyable, informative, dog loving blog every day. Don’t feel bad about turning 36, it was one of my best years!
Oh and Leslie Bennetts is an asshat. I hope her husband grows some balls one day and realizes he can do a lot better than her. If I treated my husband like that he would have walked a long time ago.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:39 pmRadical Feminism is Rampant in the West, but….
Islam is ALSO rapidly spreading in the West. You know, the religion that actually DOES oppress women? Honor killings in London are now routine, and are soon coming to America.
The two CANNOT simultaneously co-exist. They will clash.
Muslims have high birth rates. Feminists have low birth rates, and depend on converting young women to their cause (greater success at this depresses the birth rate further).
The fertile, multiplying group uses violence - the infertile, non-reproducing group uses the media and courts.
Guess which group wins given that scenario?
Thus, the existence of Feminism is the litmus test that Islam has not yet made inroads into America. When Islam actually does, feminism will vanish in a flash, as the former feminists beg the strong men of the military and police to defend them.
Thus, I see feminism as a luxury of a society that still has not come under any influence of Islam. I see the increase of Islam in the west to be 99% negative, but 1% positive, in that it will swiftly put an end to militant feminism.
Observe, closely, how feminism changes as Islam becomes a bigger presence. If feminism DOESN’t change, that simply means Islam is not growing (also good).
April 21st, 2008 at 4:40 pmAnd, you know, (I hope I don’t offend someone over this comment, but) pillows with embroidered likenesses of little ankle-biter type dogs on them makes me want to punch someone.
Just to be clear:
April 21st, 2008 at 4:46 pmPictures of big dogs = good (double + good if they are in hats/costumes etc.)
Pillows embroidered with pictures of precious little dogs = stomach cramps
Ah, yes, Happy Birthday.
I’d leave a longer comment, but my wife of 30+ years has just given me this list….
April 21st, 2008 at 4:47 pmIs it just me, or are articles like this becoming more common? Probably just me…
But, if we can say nothing else about this election, it sure has shined a flashlight into the cockroach-infested recesses of the left - from the rabid, anti-American racism of Jeremiah Wright to Feminazis getting more bold in their man-hate. Hopefully, the normal people in this country are getting a good view of just how close to the mainstream left the Kos kids are.
That can only benefit the country in the long run, I think.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:54 pmI’ll bet $100 on one or maybe 2 other women, but only one affair at a time. If he’s doing prostitutes and not affairs (I know its a thin distinction) then he’s got HUGH string of them.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:55 pmThis poor slob is a typical Nice Guy IMHO. He’s conditioned for whatever reason to defer hugely to his shrew of a wife for 38 years. He lacks any general self assertiveness in regards to her. His affairs are most likely have a similar dynamic. If he’s got prostitutes then he’s probably acting out being in control in a fantasy type of thing. He may genuinely not have ANY other women involved, but may be acting out porn addictions or who knows what else, or just plain likes being bossed around,all of which is just semi-wild ass guesses.
In any case if she’s controlling him in such a fashion as she describes in the article, this guy needs to Man the F’k Up and change something. She may be to blame for the situation, but he’s the responsible one for his life. Personally, I’d choose freedom and living with integrity with the headaches of a divorce, including all the custody battles, alimony support payments, vs living dead and selling my honor to the nearest whore.
I’m so far ahead of the blog-cycle on this…
April 21st, 2008 at 4:58 pmHere is a talk radio letter writer’s answer to this woman: http://tomleykis.net/archive.tl?h=167
April 21st, 2008 at 5:02 pmI’ve never been married, but I’ve observed plenty and have come to a conclusion: women are much bitchier than men about almost everything. And I can say that because I’m female.
My dad is the kind of guy that does anything to help out his wife. For years he was the breadwinner and did housework while trying to keep kids in line because my mother was ill. Frankly, my dad may not be perfect, but he rocks.
I’ve come to the conclusion that many women seem to think that whatever their husbands/boyfriends have an interest in is not important. Seriously, how often do women go to movies just because their significant other wants to see it? You see guys in chick-flicks all the time, even if they really don’t want to be there. I have an incredibly hard time talking to women because most of them can’t understand my own affinity for what are typically male interests (computers, video games, electronics, action movies, fantasy/scifi books). I can’t imagine being married to somebody who kept cutting into my hobby time because they consider it to be a waste of time.
Granted, some people spend too much time with their own interests and not enough with their significant other, but I’m just going to put out there that it is equally appalling when one or both people in the relationship very openly denigrate the hobbies and interests of the other. Everybody needs time to do what they enjoy doing.
As for this woman, she really, really needs some psychological help. And her husband needs to grow a set.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:08 pmOh God-DAMN, what a cupid stunt this bitch is.
Yup, I’d bet this guy has a secret hotmail account to connect to his extra-marital action. Them’s hookers has bills to pay too. (Note to oppressed men: Google ‘ESCORT’ and your city name, just for fun).
And sadly, his sich is not unique. My lovely and delightful wife and I have run into this type of couple more than once. It really gets fun when the wife decides to cast her ‘aura of power’ over me and try to bitch me into doing something. The response “You’re fucking that other guy, remember?” seems to take care of them.
My wife told me that I was being mean, but the reality is that she can pull stunts that no other woman can because she’s my wife (and great in the sack). If some other female wants to push me around, they need to 1: Get my wife’s permission. 2: Do me. Since no one else has gotten past point #2 (my wife would probably rent me out for kicks), it’s not a problem.
And leaving his two boys in the claws of that ball buster has got to be too much for that man to think of. I hope that she gets served with divorce papers as soon as the youngest turns 18.
In case you are wondering, my wife has never had to take the car into the shop, or wash it, and has no idea how to start the lawn mower, vacuum cleaner, or unstop a drain or toilet. The garbage is taken out damn near daily, and the maid service comes weekly.
Men are simple. Food, Sex, and a great attitude will get you ANYTHING. Withhold those, and you better start worrying about contracting STDs, even if you are married.
Gawd, doing her would be like banging Jabba the Hut.
Hey, Happy Birthday Rachel!
April 21st, 2008 at 5:16 pmThanks for the link, Rachel. I wrote it and even I was surprised how terrible it sounded at the end.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:18 pmGee, I must have been married to this woman’s sister.
Oh, that was obvious fairly early on — but not until the first child was born. (Some sort of pregnancy-linked insanity seems to run in the ex’s family.) And then …
Or wants them to spend some time with a non-crazy role model. I had to wait until she got crazy enough to walk out herself. She made all sorts of accusations, but she was crazy enough about it that all of them were provably false (whew!). And I got half-time custody, which was as good as I could realistically get.
I would have chewed off my own leg to escape, but it didn’t seem right to chew off the kids’ legs, too …
April 21st, 2008 at 5:31 pmI always thought vouchers-redeemable-at-a-divorce- lawyer would be a great wedding present for people like those two.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:38 pmYeah, my first wife was like that.
Thank God I didn’t have kids or buy real estate with her.
I pitty the poor guy that’s with her now (#4, IIRC)
April 21st, 2008 at 5:39 pmI just want to know where she keeps his balls.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:41 pmRachel, I appreciate your general sentiment here, but the effort is probably futile.
There are simply far too many out there who share Ms. Bennett’s attitude for anyone my age (mid-20’s) to hope for timely change. For those men who actually have any sort of intelligent standards, searching for a wife these days usually entails years of sifting through women in search of someone as rational as yourself.
It’s basically the same story among all of my male friends - if we don’t find a woman worth marrying, then we simply won’t do it. If we die bachelors, at least it’s better than being nagged into the grave.
If men piss Ms. Bennett off so much, why the hell did she marry one?
April 21st, 2008 at 5:42 pmOh, what the heck:
Why some husbands leave their wives
April 21st, 2008 at 5:47 pmVasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.
Jeremy, here are your options. You can bear it or cheat. Both options will take a toll on your self respect. You can divorce and lose your kids. You can slap her around and get arrested. You can threaten to hit her where it hurts by starting a blog about how it is living with her. The last option is the only palatable one.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:52 pmWhy all the fuss?
Keith Olberman and I agree with every word of the article. We had to pass Leslie Bennetts’ test to get hired.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:52 pmNow that there is funny!
April 21st, 2008 at 5:55 pm“And while I still have to mastermind the operation — somehow he is never the one who remembers that our son needs new mosquito netting, baseball cleats, and basketball shoes for sleepaway camp…”
Obviously, she chose her husband poorly or, perhaps more likely, he was the only gutless wonder who would have her. Any real man might shirk from planning Little Miss Princess birthday parties for 35 shrieking adolescent girls, but surely he’s up for buying camping and sporting supplies for The Boy.
Furthermore, what sort of boy attents “sleepaway” camp. Is it a camp for children with sleeping disorders or is it just an attempt to subtly feminize something as cool and manly as Camp?
April 21st, 2008 at 5:58 pmThe thing is, this guy may have started out as a fully functional person, capable of taking care of himeself, but the fact is a lot of guys are lazy, and it was just easier to go along with her than to fight it, so he did. Now he has no nuts and a shite marriage.
Men and women work differently around the house - I like to power through the chores like a maniac and then flop out on the couch and watch a movie. The wife kind of putters around, doing her chores, checking the net, talking on the phone, doing some laundry. She doesn’t mind that she’s constantly doing some low-level work, whereas I want a goal, a plan and then to be done, at least for a while. I think it took a little while to realize that we just work differently, so we try to split up the chores so that we are doing tasks that appeal to our way of doing things - frankly she does more around the house and I work longer at the office - I think it’s a fair trade. If we both worked my hours, we’d have more $$ and probably outsource more of the chores.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:03 pmThere are some other options to consider. I’m guessing everybody here is pretty well-adjusted based on the slant of the comments. These two could both be maladjusted, and for that reason they ‘clicked’ with each other.
I’d bet he hasn’t had any affairs. I can think of 3 reasons off the top of my head that he didn’t leave long ago — before they had children — he’s also a martyr, he has such low self-esteem that he doesn’t think he deserves any better, or he’s a masochist.
Y’all are trying to apply healthy reasons to unhealthy behavior.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:05 pm“. . .us old pharts (I don’t use the “f” for the same reason “fat” is now “phat”). . . .”
What, ‘Pretty Hot And Really Tasty, SIR!’?
April 21st, 2008 at 6:10 pmOh, and:
Leslie Bennetts
April 21st, 2008 at 6:22 pmShould cool her jets
A husband or wife does not keep score
Because it turns them into a competitor.
We all seem to agree that Bennetts’ attitude totally sucks. It’s not a position of power, but a position of whine.
But… let’s pretend that her husband really is the way she describes. Lazy, forgetful, doesn’t pull his own weight. Let’s not pretend men like this don’t exist - because we all know they do. Heck, women like this exist too. I know of several of both sexes!
So, what is a person to do when they marry a lazy person who cannot function without someone telling them what to do? Leave them? Just deal?
I think Rachel should have a “Dear Rachel” column.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:25 pmDear Rachel,
I have married a good for nothing irresponsible lout. And had his babies. What am I to do?
Um…I’d like to hear some more about successful strategies to use in order to get my wife to lick my balls.
Thanks in advance. From the bottom of my…nutsack.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:26 pmLetalis, two words:
Shave ‘em.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:48 pmNot sure if anyone mentioned this but after seeing her picture, I can tell you why her husband does whatever he is told; She will body-slam his ass!
April 21st, 2008 at 6:56 pmThis is Rachel at her best. Hilarious and right on target.
I think I like your examinations of relationship issues better than any other subject. Women mistreating men, or men mistreating women - you always get it right.
Happy Birthday, Rache! I’m hitting the tip jar!
April 21st, 2008 at 7:10 pmI was gonna wait a little longer to say it, but gd hit the nail. This “poor bastard” may be a masochist who actively enjoys the bullyragging she gives him. Is ecstatic to be used as a punching bag. Etc.
In which case I hope for the kids’ sake that neither tendency is genetic.
Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL! I have an April birthday too. I’m not going to give you a hard time for being over 30, because I’m way older than you.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:28 pmSee the top image. Save a thousand words.
http://sigmundcarlandalfred.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/cosmic-truths/
April 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pmThere are worse. The kind that will make agreements on how to divvy up the efforts - you do as promised - she declines - no reason given.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:00 pmWow… just… wow.
As much as I’d love to jump on the misogynistic blame game here, I’ll point out that I’ve yet to meet a single woman that changed upon getting married.
Serious.
I’ll tell you what does change, though - the man’s perception of her. Take that letter that Steve Sky linked to. The writing was already on the wall; he didn’t care whether she was an interesting person or not. All the writer noticed was that she was absolutely amazing in bed, as if that was all that was necessary from a wife. Suddenly, the sex disappeared. Guess what? He suddenly discovered that, whoops, he’s with a selfish idiotic lout.
In my admittedly limited experience, women that are like Ms. Bennetts are like that long before they get married. They just might have other benefits that, in the short term, make up for it - perhaps they’re amazing in bed, perhaps they look absolutely amazing in a little black dress. In the end, though, those benefits disappear, and all that’s left is the woman’s toxic personality.
As someone else pointed out earlier, is she your best friend or does she drive you crazy? If she’s driving you crazy, that’s not a good thing. That’s not by design. It’s a sign that she’s going to drive you crazy long after the sex and looks that make it all worthwhile disappear. If she’s your best friend, on the other hand, even if the looks and sex disappear, you’ll at least have a good friend by your side. Three guesses which way you should go.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:30 pmWhoa -I’ve been working like mad and am catching up on posts, so sorry if this has already been suggested - don’t have time to read all 99 comments. I just want to say I think Rachel should start a new show called ‘Bitch Whisperer’. By the time she gets done with women like that, they will not only be in a state of calm submission, but also pretty well bloodied up, I’d warrant. Yeah, I’d watch that.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:47 pmUmm, yea. Having been married to a woman that subscribed to the Bennetts method. I can tell you from experience 2 things:
1) It wouldn’t matter if this guy did everything and she never had to lift a finger around the house, nothing is EVER good enough for this type. She’d be doing the screeching harpy routine about something.
2) Women like this hate men, it’s a form of bigotry so intrinsic and entrenched that they can’t even see that it’s wrong.
Here’s my rules on household chores:
April 21st, 2008 at 8:58 pm1) If you see it needs doing, do it.
2) Naps are more important than chores.
Now I understand why my house is so filthy.
I hate cleaning, and there is no one to force/humiliate me into doing it.
And the cats are no help at all.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:11 pm“But… let’s pretend that her husband really is the way she describes. Lazy, forgetful, doesn’t pull his own weight. Let’s not pretend men like this don’t exist - because we all know they do. Heck, women like this exist too. I know of several of both sexes!”
Either:
1) She knowingly married a lazy slop - then she’s an idiot.
or
2) She married a decent guy and then proceeded to suck the life out of him, probably by nagging and managing every facet of his life, to the point where he forgot how to be self-motivating and making decisions for himselfl. If that is the case, then it’s pretty much her fault.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:27 pmI had the distinct… responsibility of being on the receiving end of one of these rants, not too long ago. A female friend of mine has gotten to the point where she can’t go a single conversation with me without criticizing her husband. And yeah, I called her on it. Poo happens, and yeah, I can see she’s frustrated. I sympathize. But jeez, she’s been married almost 10 yrs now, and I never hear a single positive word about the guy, poor man.
That being said– for you guys in the group, is there any way for a woman to reassure her guy that she has no plans to chop off her hair or trade her little black dress for elastic-waist “mommy” jeans?
April 21st, 2008 at 9:30 pmMy ex used to do that sort of thing…regardless of what she actually said, it’d be the tone that you had to watch out for.
Granted, I can be a lazy bastard sometimes. And amazingly obtuse. But I’d rather be with someone who was my best friend and who didn’t mind hitting me over the head with something (preferably lightweight) and saying “Rob…you know those shelves you were going to put up? Well, this century please, you hairy moron.” than someone who insisted on being unfailingly polite, but with The Tone.
The Look was even worse though *shudders*.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:30 pmHmmm.
This is the first Blog entry I’ve ever commented on. Programmer since early 90’s, but, Feh, write it (not socialize with it so much). Tired of it when I’m off work. Pays the bills.
Men and women work and play(if your lucky, they are both, Edison). They don’t make list of things to do. Among my family, household stuff seems to get sort itself out. Man BBQs, wife makes desert, stuff gets worked out, cleaning and ect. — An intuitive balance. Odds are high, after reading her article, she is making list for the sake of making list. I mean, barring taking care, feeding, maintaining the children, and household I suspect after reading her article that it is “make work” of her on doing. Polishing silver for guest? My friends would say, “Is this Silver? Why do you have this out?”
Some of the other post indicate he should leave her, but there are the children. And, if not them there may be financial issues.
Men do have honor, honor to ones children and wife more than anything. He may be taking a beating, but his honor holds him to his vows. I’m deep, mountain, Old South Georgian. Your word, especially in a marriage means something. Then again, maybe he is lazy. They may both be on opposite ends of the spectrum (how the hell they didn’t see that, I don’t know) Baa! There is both men and women alike who are such. Last time I checked, we still get along, and some times the toilet don’t need scrubbing right this second.
Hell of a thing the poor soul has to go through. Odds are low that he deserves it being made public like that.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:38 pm“That being said– for you guys in the group, is there any way for a woman to reassure her guy that she has no plans to chop off her hair or trade her little black dress for elastic-waist ‘mommy’ jeans?”
First best resort is to just plain tell him. Say that you read something on the internet and then promise him you know better than that and won’t do those things. As a rule, we are emotionally direct and straightforward creatures who want to invest our trust and belief in you.
Extra credit example: get him to sit down somewhere and curl up on his lap with your arms around him beforehand. This will significantly increase the effect. Note however that it may instigate a good hard rooting, so timing and environment should be considered.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:02 pmIn her article, Bennetts suggests that the reason she divorced her first husband was because he expected her to wash and iron his clothes for him. So apparently her advice would be to leave him.
Personally, my advice would be to not marry such a man in the first place.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:21 pmAgreed with Acksiom’s post above. Also, just DO it. Put on some makeup and look nice for no reason but because you want to look nice for him.
Heck, my wifes loves this black shirt I have so there are times when we go out I’ll shave up nice, put on a little cologne (something I do VERY rarely) and then put on clean jeans, the shirt, and my boots. She loves it.
I’ll get her flowers out of the blue and it makes her smile.
Do the same thing for your guy. Dress up for him, do little things that you know he likes, that’s all it takes. Oh, and be honest too ; )
April 21st, 2008 at 10:27 pmYour man will let you wear absolutely anything you want if you let him touch your boobies. : )
April 21st, 2008 at 10:28 pmThat works too : )
April 21st, 2008 at 10:30 pmThis Bennetts woman is absolutely grotesque. What kind of weak lunatic would stay married to her after reading this article?
Children of such a union are to be deeply pitied.
That household must be hell-on-earth.
But if that guy should slip and, you know, somehow accidentally beat the crap out of her, and plead insanity and I were on the jury, he’d never be convicted.
Edit: I finally clicked over to look at that picture in the NY Times. I KNEW that weenie-ass husband would have a beard. Correct!
April 21st, 2008 at 10:33 pmLeslie Bennetts is a feminine mistake.
Oh, God! My eyes! I looked at the link Pat Berry provided. I bet that double chin jiggles when she’s barking orders at poor Jeremy. Is Leslie a cousin of Jabba the Hutt?
April 21st, 2008 at 10:49 pmJabba the Hutt was her love child with Michael Moore
April 21st, 2008 at 11:03 pmIn the interest of educating my young son to prevent his being part of the patriarcy - I had him read the article. End result - “I never want to get married.” They learn so fast these days……
April 21st, 2008 at 11:07 pmOne thing that a lot of women just can’t seem to grok is that men really and truly don’t care about a lot of things that women do. A household that strikes a woman as a hellhole of clutter and mess doesn’t bother a man at all, lots of times (I will allow for exceptions on both sides; my best-beloved’s place looks like mine—like what would happen if a hurricane hit a bookstore) and it drives her crazy that he doesn’t get up and do chores unless she’s shrieking at him.
That said, this ugly cow’d get bounced to the curb so fast she’d think the speed of light was rather slow and crippled, were she with me. I had to put up with years of abuse from a mentally-disturbed (head injury; longish story not really germane) mother, and I. Am. DONE!!! These days I live alone and mostly like it just fine.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:04 amGuys, I’m going through a divorce now after eighteen years of marriage to a bipolar woman who refuses to take her medication and who has heard the word “conscience” but has no idea what it means. Marriage to her was hell in every respect, though I won’t go into the details.
I did my best to love her and stay with her and help her through eighteen years, but ultimately drew the line as I realized that my children had gotten the idea that there must be nothing wrong with their mom’s behavior since Dad put up with it. Naturally as soon as I got serious about teaching them the basic facts of life vis-a-vis human relationships and stopped worrying that they would realize that the things I was telling them all honest and hard-working and respected grown-ups do, were things that their mother quite obviously couldn’t be bothered to do…
Well, their mom filed for divorce and told me her lawyer had assured her that if she accused me of sexual abuse the courts would let her keep all eight kids. And that’s the woman I spent all those years trying to find some way to live with.
So why did I?
Two reasons. 1. I had promised, “for better or for worse,” and even though it was obvious by the time the honeymoon ended that I had drawn “for worse” rather than “for better,” I felt obligated to keep my word. Just because somebody else doesn’t keep their promises to you, doesn’t mean you don’t want to be the kind of person who keeps his promises.
2. I didn’t want my kids to have to experience divorce; I chose to suffer myself rather than to make them suffer. Only, eventually I realized that I was doing them more damage by letting them think their mother’s methods of manipulation were moral and effective than I would do them by standing up to her and letting her divorce me if that’s what she chose to do.
I don’t know if that makes sense but those were my reasons for staying. In retrospect they were bad reasons; my kids would have been much better off if I had stood up for what was right from the beginning and just let her leave…except that my kids wouldn’t even exist, and that’s not a thought to be born, ’cause I love ‘em more than I can say.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:13 amShe is a real peach.
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:39 amPeople like her make me physically sick. I am a widow who would give anything to cook dinner, clean the toilet or iron clothes again for my husband. I just don’t understand women who treat their husbands this way. Yes I sometimes got irritated by socks on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink, but in the grand scheme of life, who cares??? I would trade everything for nothing but his socks and dirty dishes if that meant we were together again.
Silly me, I always treated our marriage as a partnership and thought that just being together and in love was important. I guess I should have yelled, threatened him and withheld sex more to get him to buy the groceries. What a lost opportunity.
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:40 amWow. I once wrote a personal ad that included the sentence “I’m looking for a woman who likes everything I like exactly the way I like it.” I figured I would really get along with someone who appreciated the sarcasm. I get the feeling that this woman wouldn’t understand why people were laughing at it.
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:04 amMen who have been married to women like her, have found their balls, divorced her, and then married again, make pretty great hubby’s though, they are already trained up, you don’t have to give them a list, they already know what to do, and are grateful for naked happy time. Just like women who were married to the “I told her twice, that’s why she has the two black eyes” men are great at their second marriages too, both partners are grateful and happy that their spouses are not their ex’s.
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:50 amThere is something to be said for ex’s. And once in awhile they aren’t cuss words.
Rachel-
I absolutely love laughing at these articles!
I’m a 44 yr old (never married) male– who has also never even had a “co-habitant” for more than 2 months at a time– (since age 19)…
Thus, I have always done 100% of the “household chores”.
My “bathrooms” and “kitchen” get 99% of my attention- meanwhile, I’m quite likely to set a “Guinness Book record” for the size of the ‘dust bunnies’ currently under my bed…
Not to mention that spiders will usually get 4-6 months to start a web behind my TV stand and bookshelves, and I am also very ‘casual’ about scraping the top layer of “dust” off my ‘end tables’.
Why am I really supposed to “care”? Am I merely trying to impress the next woman who won’t be sleeping with me?
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:18 amIt doesn’t mention how old the kids are. Why aren’t they helping with the chores?
Also, she does work at home, so yes, she should do MORE of the housework.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:16 amUnfortunately, reading this article has pulled to the front something that has been in the back of my mind and that is that I no longer want to be married to my wife (sigh..)
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:30 amYour man will let you wear absolutely anything you want if you let him touch your boobies. : )
Yep. Including things not normally considered clothes, like whipped cream.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:31 amI have a good system that I use when my wife “asks” me to do something:
Wife: Do you want to run down and get some vegtables out of the freezer (or any other menial task that takes me away from what I am doing)?
Me: Apparently, I do.
It conveys just the right amount of contempt.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:42 amRachel, RE:
If I recall correctly, wasn’t the crime of Adultery (when it was a crime) legally termed “Alienation of affection”?
I think it was. It’s some food for thought about what seed this woman is sowing.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:47 ami’m betting on 0, for now. this pansy has been completely neutered by this harpy. but one day a cute little secretary is going to catch his fancy and he will realize that he doesn’t have to go through life with his balls in a vice. then she gets to become the bitter ex-wife writing articles about what a prick her ex is ’cause he left her for a young bimbo. or maybe he won’t. maybe he’ll just stay and take it. i’m betting they deserve each other.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:50 amDearRachel,
1. I have yet to see one commentor who noted that the husband is the prototypical male liberal. (maybe I missed it). As such, EVERYTHING is the fault of the white male. So, to him, his wife’s position is not only sensible but justified. At the very least, he is paying for thousands of years of male oppression. He is not ball-less (any more than any other liberal) and he is not put-upon. He will not divorce her. He is content - somewhat akin to the masochist