Uhhhhhhh…
There is simply nothing that I want to blog about today. I have read the news and checked my blogroll and read the 250+ comments on the McCain debate and the several dozen emails in my inbox, and I just have nothing to say. Not that any of those things are uninteresting, I just don’t have a response to any of them because I’m so busy with work I have no time to think very straight.
Cassy has a post about an Australian site FOR KIDS where they can calculate when they should die in order to save the earth. No, seriously.
There’s a story at Newsbusters about how illegal immigrants are “sharing” the social security numbers of Americans because they “need” to.
Misha has a hilarious letter to makers of feminine hygiene products. I saw this a long time ago but it cracks me up.
And there’s a site where you can bet on who the final Cylon is on Battlestar Galactica. Commenter Mhuete tipped me off to it. Rupert and I finished season 3 last night so we know who the most recent four Cylons are and I’m not surprised. Saw it coming with Tyrol for a long time. Rupert says Starbuck looks like The Joker and I agree.
Okay. Sorry I suck but I have to get back to work. Talk amongst yourselves but no more fighting. That election debate makes my brains hurt. I still think I’m right, though.
I’m in the same boat, giving-a-shit-wise. I watched “The Holiday” the other day and I’m struggling for reasons to continue living in a world that allows movies like that to exist. On the plus side, I was hating Jude Law so hard that I was able to forget how much I hate Cameron Fucking Diaz.
That’s me and my chicken-salad mindset, mo-fo’s! Guess I’ll give life another shot.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:42 pmSooooooo
Boooooooored
You guys aren’t alone… I’m waiting on other people to finish their projects so I can rip them apart. NOTHING to do until then!
May 28th, 2008 at 3:01 pmYour “brains” hurt? You have more than one? No wonder I have so much fun reading your blog.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:10 pmOh, let’s see if I can stir the pot a little. Here’s one from Conservative Grapevine:
Do women really ask for rape?
May 28th, 2008 at 3:12 pmDearRachel,
Why not blog about cable companies??
That should be good for a rant.
I had an out-of-body experience yesterday on this subject which culminated in my yanking about 50 feet of cable out of the ground with my bare hands. (yes - I was mad). Then called them today to have them schedule a crew to re-lay it.
V/R
May 28th, 2008 at 3:19 pmmike
DearRachel,
I should have died at 1.3 years old. I feel bad, seeing as how I have used (by my calculations) 4,154% of my “fair share” of Earth’s resources.
I wonder if anyone has an accurate representation of The Goreacle’s usage?
v/r
May 28th, 2008 at 3:25 pmmike
Time wasters to the rescue!
Here’s a site that lets readers enter the first word that comes to mind when thinking of certain brand names: http://www.brandtags.net/browse.php?id=45
Rachel will not be pleased that some of the most common words associated with Taco Bell were ‘gross,’ ‘diarrhea’ and ‘taco hell.’ On the plus side, ‘yum’ is slightly ahead of ‘yuck.’
May 28th, 2008 at 4:03 pmHow ’bout a rant about drivers who don’t “see” motorcycles? I almost died again today. It happens about every time I ride. Asshats! I guess it’s only fair though since I was supposed to die at age 7 according to that Australian moron.
And by the way, Starbuck is smokin’ hot!
May 28th, 2008 at 4:06 pmOK, the “Aunt Flo” article at Misha’s website is great! Homicidal maniacs roaming the country in capri pants! An F-16 in the underwear! This is great! Far better than jock strap jokes! And, it has socially redeeming qualities! As well as providing us men with a CLEAR warning as to the dangerous side (and WHEN!) of the “gentler sex.”
Jump in a fox hole and pull it in after you once a month!
May 28th, 2008 at 4:10 pmMike,
I am very disturbed by your ’score’ on Dr. Sphincter’s ‘beat the rush - die now’ quiz. Obviously, you are one of those bloated plutocrats, drinking wine out of cups made from childrens’ skulls while planning new ways to keep women and minorities from advancing in our society. And it makes me really jealous, because I am supposed to live for 2.1 years. You beat me and I’m bitter about it. However, tonight for dinner, I am going to have some nice polar bear steaks wrapped in baby seal bacon. That should lower my score nicely.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go drain some wetlands.
May 28th, 2008 at 4:35 pmI’m right there with you. My work schedule is a little less insane than it was last week, but I’m finding it really difficult to get excited about anything on the ‘Net at the moment.
May 28th, 2008 at 4:42 pmThank God we’ve moved on from the McCain/Obama mess. That thread is always good for 200+ comments where no one does anything but hurl vitriol and insults. A few pleas for civility were lost to the ether…
Which is why I refused to comment.
But I am so stoked that tomorrow night is the 2 HOUR FINALE of LOST.
This has been the best season. Can’t wait to buy it on DVD.
This blog is more relaxing when people talk about TV.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:50 pmSpeaking as a person who once nearly ran over a motorcyclist, it’s not always our fault. For every automobile driver who fails to signal or check his mirror when changing lanes, there are (proportionately) just as many motorcyclists who weave in and out of heavy traffic and cut in between cars on the highway. And whether bikers want to admit it or not, a motorcycle is simply less visible than a car. That thin profile makes it really easy for you to slip into our blindspots.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:51 pmI’m still betting on Roslyn[sp?] as being the final cylon.
No good reason or proof.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:57 pmToo many of the greenhouse calculator questions are subjective — what is a ’small’ house? By whose standards? What constitutes ‘heavy’ usage of a car?
My result, of course, varies with the responses, so do I kill myself in 2.3 or 2.2 years?
How do I make my bukkit list with such unreliable information????
Re “Aunt Flo:”
pffft!
May 28th, 2008 at 6:16 pmBut if you think it’s bad when everything is reasonably predictable, kiddies? Just wait!
You read that letter a while ago?!?
I just assumed that you wrote it a while ago.
I mean…it’s someone from Texas and it certainly sounds like one of your incredibly funny, ranty tirades *shrugs*.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:35 pmSgt K Says:
How ’bout a rant about drivers who don’t “see” motorcycles? I almost died again today.
Funny you should say that … on the way back to the office at work today, on the highway I watched some maniac ride a wheely on a crotch rocket for about a mile in my rear view mirror, before he passed me … no helmet or leather, T-shirt and shorts believe it or not … I slowed down and was ready to stand on the brakes if he lost it … mentally reviewing my boy scout first aid and CPR lessons until he turned off on an exit … Amazed at his dexterity and horrendously P.O.’d at his brazen dis-reguard for other traffic all at the same time. Was that you ?
May 28th, 2008 at 6:52 pmRachel,
About McCain? You are right.
In detail.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:54 pmPfffft! John, shush - this is a fun thread!
We all get along in here, m’kay?
Oh my lord - I did too! I immediately thought of Rachl when I read it at Misha’s earlier today. (’cuz it’s hilarious, that’s why) I emailed it straightaway to my husband.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:07 pmHey, motorcycles want to claim the center-line for their own? So do I! I love to run my little Jetta on the center line so that other cars can see me just a bit easier.
And bicyclists that love that shoulder line instead of the 3 foot wide lane my taxes pay for? Yeah, I love riding that line with them, too.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:09 pmOh just kidding. Don’t get your chaps in a bunch.
Meanwhile, I’ve posted a tribute to Scotty Mac.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:10 pmRedhead Infidel, I wanted to post over there suggesting that it might be by the Imperial Blogsis Herself, but unfortunately I can’t log in for some reason. I registered, but my password won’t work and the “forgot your password?” link sends me an email containing another link that still won’t work. So I remain a lurker, but an avid one…
My gf read it too, and thought that it was hilarious. If Rachel didn’t write that letter, then that woman should definitely start a blog of her own, if she hasn’t already.
On the subject of the greenhouse calculator thingy, apparently I should have died 15 years ago. I intend to make up for this by killing other people to reduce their impact upon the environment and thus justify living beyond my rightful span of years. There’s probably a mathematical formula to determine how many people I’ll need to murder but I’m too drunk to work it out right now, having drunk at least 8 skullfulls of wine (organic though, and made from lentils).
May 28th, 2008 at 8:29 pmWell, a lot of people DO seem to assume that something the size of a car or larger is all they need to set their “notice” meter on. I have a friend who was riding his motorcycle down an ordinary street when a woman turned left in front of him. He says that as he was flying over the hood, he saw the woman look up from the child in the front seat, which she was apparently looking at while turning across traffic.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:52 pmDead right. As an ex truckie of 20 yrs experience , I lost count of how many times a motorcycle rider came from out from behind my truck (where it was impossible for me to see them) and then cursed me because I was changing lanes, cutting them off.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:01 pmThey sure do love to weave in and out of traffic, risking life and limb.
An earlier commenter mentioned “time-waster”.
Well, here you go.
May 29th, 2008 at 12:31 am@Tolbert — I’m with you. Gotta be Roslin. It would make perfect sense: what else could explain the homing instinct? The religious experiences?
May 29th, 2008 at 12:54 amFinal Cylon? It’s Ellen!
May 29th, 2008 at 2:51 amAbout that greenie when-you-should-die calculator:
Disgusting.
We may eventually hear of troubled kids - who don’t get enough protein in their diet to support brain function - offing themselves to Save The Planet. Then, in my mind, this movement will be guilty of murder.
I’m just waiting for the greenie adults to start staging mass suicides to prove their commitment to their
May 29th, 2008 at 8:21 amcausereligioncult. Because otherwise, they are all cowardly hypocrites trying to indoctrinate children to do the dying for them…Heh …. imiagine finding my favorite topic on Rachl’s “I’m bored” thread. Motorcycles.
Sgt. K — The best lesson I got during my “learn to ride” MSF course almost 30 years ago — ride like everyone out on the road is trying to kill you, because they are!
Mighty … since you are not a fan of putting everyone in a basket, I have to point out that not all motorcycles are skinny and invisible. 3 of my 4 are humongous monster … two are bright orange … and with all the attention grabbing lights on them (blinking, flashing, and extra lights) … I still am invisible, apparently, to many/most car drivers. And not all of us weave in and out of traffic … not a smart thing to do on a bike almost as big as a subcompact …
Andy … jerks like that … no matter how well they handle their wheelies … annoy us (motorcycle riders) even more than they annoy you. They make sure that responsible riders get tagged as part of the irresponsible bike crowd. I can do a wheelie on my goldwing … and have, by accident, but it scares the crap out of me. If I wanted a unicycle, I’d buy one.
Joan … as with Andy above … I think the majority of bikers obey the same laws you do … we pay the same road taxes and the same traffic tickets. I don’t think all sockermoms spend all their driving time putting on mascara … so please don’t think all bikers are out there to show off and annoy you. You’re seeing the exceptions … obviously.
WaybeB … the majority of motorcyclist deaths in Michigan so far this year, as has been the case in previosu years, is due to interactions with cars where the driver of the car failed to give legal right of way to the bike. It’s funny how they can’t see motorcycles, since headlights on have been mandated for bikes for an awful lot of years now. Heck, there’ve been a couple in this past year where the bike actually had modulating (flashing) headlights and still got run over.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:52 amDearRachel,
I beg your Royal Indulgence to join in the motorcycle discussion. Thenkew.
I have been riding since 1975 and have been hit and run off the road several times, always by a driver who “did not see” me (once by a driver who ran a red light to hit me and then drove off). I too drive like everyone else on the road is actively trying to kill me, and that helps a great deal.
I have recently taken two steps that have significantly increased my visibility, and I would recommend them:
1. I now wear a LaCrosse high visibility jacket with reflective striping. The same color as school crossing and other warning signs, it increases my visibility significantly, especially on cloudy/rainy days.
2. I now ride a former cop bike (Harley Davidson Road King Police). With the siren. It is amazing how drivers notice cop bikes much more than other motorcycles and back off. By the time they can tell I’m not a cop, they are close and slow enough that they cannot blow by me with a 30 mph speed differential. And, as I approach an intersection that has approaching traffic, I give a little toot on the “air horn” feature of the siren. Makes the soccer moms open their eyes.
(BTW, I have been nearly creamed in my international orange (lifeboat color) VW bug in broad daylight by soccer moms in vans, so I am VERY down on female van drivers with kids in the car. Not sexist, simply factual.)
The comments about the morons who zip in and out of traffic on the ninja bikes (aka “crotch rockets” aka “suicide bikes”) are right on. My insurance is $300 per year on the motorcycle, for the same coverage that I pay $1,000 per car - the big cruisers rarely get in accidents. Prolly becuz they are easier to see and their riders are more mature (or “old”) and dont risk their machines doing stupid stunts.
v/r
May 29th, 2008 at 10:14 ammike
Speaking of malnourished kids…
May 29th, 2008 at 2:49 pmThat’s why I said “proportionately” in my original post.
If you really want to get down to it, most automobile drivers obey traffic laws too. But because there are vastly more cars on the road than motorcycles, obviously there are going to be more car vs. motorcycle accidents where the driver (rather than the biker) was at fault.
And I think WayneB is right that most people tend to assume that a nice wide car is the only thing they need to look out for when checking their mirrors. I can remember at least two instances when I was preparing to change lanes, checked my mirrors, thought I saw nothing, then did a double-take when I suddenly noticed the motorcycle that had actually been there all along. Thank goodness my dad taught me to ALWAYS double-check my mirrors before doing anything.
Why does this happen? Well, ironically enough, I think part of it is because of the “drive like everyone else is out to kill you” principle.
In a car vs. car accident, there is potential for both parties to suffer serious damage. But car vs. motorcycle accidents? Not so much.
Generally speaking, hitting a car with a motorcycle is like shooting bullets at Superman. Unless the motorcycle hits the car just right, usually the worst damage the driver can expect is a bent fender, some minor body damage, and maybe a broken window. (I’ve done worse backing my parent’s car out of the driveway when I was a teenager.) By contrast, the motorcyclist can almost always expect serious damage, both to his bike and to himself.
Therefore, most car drivers just don’t see any reason to look out for motorcycles. If they get in an accident they can always claim the motorcyclist was at fault. And who’s going to argue with them? Everybody knows that all those motorcyclists are all a bunch of hotdogging Evel Knievel wannabes. And they’re all in gangs. Deadly roving motorcycle gangs. By golly, we’d better pass a law against those awful motorcycles or else those deadly, lecherous, roving motorcycle gangs will take over!
Think of the children! Also the property values, but mostly the children!
May 29th, 2008 at 3:21 pmHeh! When I was looking through the R-A-M mount catalog (in order to mount a GPS on the Goldwing), I was attracted by a mount that would allow me to mount my 1911 on the handlebars. Do you think that would attract more attention from the distracted car aimers (they don’t actually drive … just sorta aim their deathtraps by knee action while reading the papers or putting on lipstick)?
May 30th, 2008 at 9:09 amThanks for the link to the site where kids can calculate when they should die. I was pretty freaked out by the basic idea but I did learn a lot.
I learned that when Australians drive their cars for work they emit more CO2 than when they drive them for pleasure. The quiz says this is because when people drive for work they don’t pay for it so they have more money to spend on other bad stuff. But the quiz asks you how much you spend on bad stuff so this would be double-counting. I’m sure no one would ever do this so I think there’s just something strange about Australian cars and the quiz masters don’t want to admit it. Or maybe it’s Australian drivers.
Ditto for flying but this one needs more research. Does the plane emit one level of CO2 for Australians flying for work and another for Australians flying for pleasure? Maybe it depends on whether the majority of Australians on board are flying for work. Or maybe just one Australian flying for work can up CO2 emissions for everyone on the plane. And do Australians flying for work increase CO2 emission for all airlines or is only Qantas affected? And what if a Qantas flight has no Australians on it but does have people flying for work? What happens to CO2 emissions then?
I also learned that buying a Prius produces less CO2 than always walking and biking. Really. An average Australian who switches from driving an average car an average amount reduces his CO2 emissions by 1.6 tonnes. An average Australian who keeps driving but spends 10% of his income on “energy or fuel efficient things” (like a Prius) reduces his CO2 emissions by 2.4 tonnes. Even if he just lets the Prius sit in his driveway and keeps driving his average car.
Australia’s a strange place.
The most important thing I learned is that the only true path to greenhouse salvation lies through *how* an Australian spends his or her money. Sure, spending it on “Stuff that’s better for the environment: energy or fuel efficient things, organic food, second-hand/recycled stuff” is okay but the only real hope for deliverance from evil lies via “Ethical investments: investing in businesses/organisations that make environmentally responsible products”.
An Australian who is average in all questions and spends 100% of his money on “ordinary stuff: eating, drinking, going out, clothes, car rent, etc.” has the right to live to be 9.3 years old.
If that average Australian instead spends every single penny he has on “Stuff that’s better for the environment”, he has the right to live to be 48.1 years old.
If he sees the light, however, and allocates 36% of his spending to “Ethical investments”, he gets to live out his natural life span. (If 36% seems like too much, he can allocate 35% and get to live to be “only” 96.2 years old. What the heck is a natural life span in Australia?)
Now let’s say an Australian wants to live as greenly as possible. Or maybe he’s just, you know, poor. So his answers to all questions reflect as carbon-neutral a lifestyle as possible but he’s still spending 100% of his money on “Ordinary stuff”. He is allowed to live to be 30.8 years old. (It probably seems longer what with the 4 roommates in the apartment and no traveling and all.
There’s good news, though. If our poverty stricken Australian allocates only 50% of his spending to “Stuff that’s better for the earth”, he can live to be 88.8 years old. He may have to add on 4 more roomies to afford his rent on what he has left to spend on “Ordinary stuff” but perhaps he’ll outlive at least some of them.
Even better, he can allocate just 20% of his spending to “Ethical investments” and live to be 96.2.
Now let’s take a look at someone who prides himself on being as un-green as possible. This guy answers every question with the pride of a conspicuous consumer. He drives a gas-guzzling SUV everywhere for work; flies constantly; eats meat 8 times a day; lives in a huge house by himself and sets the A/C to 60 and the heat to 80 24/7/366. Naturally he spends all of his money on “Ordinary stuff” (although I’m sure he’d object to the word “ordinary”). He produces 199 tonnes of CO2 (pretty impressive!) and should have been strangled in his crib shortly after his first birthday.
There is salvation, though, even for the likes of him. If he spends all his money on “Stuff that’s better for the earth” he can live until he’s 20.4. That gives him a little more time, but can he ever live out a normal life span? Why sure.
If this wastrel simply allocates 39% of his spending to “Ethical investment”, he’s suddenly as green as the rainforests and can live forever.
Who knew all environmental sins could be washed away by tithing (or more) to the right people? I can’t decide if this sounds more like a protection racket or the selling of indulgences. I guess it depends on whether Generation Investment Management sends Luca Brasi or Father Guido Sarducci to collect my offering.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:51 amEliseK,
That was most informative. I’m going to the site now to figure out how long ago I should have died.
And yes, Aussies are weird (mostly in a good way).
May 30th, 2008 at 1:15 pm