Easy there, gentlemen. You’re not perfect either.
My blog got over 25,000 unique visits yesterday thanks to two Instalanches, one of which was for my last post about de-testicled men and the women who own them. And when Reynolds links, a bunch of other blogs will link, and you’ll get a ton of comments and emails. I have some stuff to say about some of this feedback.
First of all. It isn’t “misogynistic” to point out that some women are selfish morons. People need to get dictionaries, seriously. That’s like saying it’s racist to point out that some Mexicans are criminals. Facts are facts. Some whiteys are criminals, too, and newsflash: plenty of men are selfish morons as well.
Which brings me to my second issue, which is that it’s more than a little annoying to see half the male reactions to a post like this sounding exactly like what these very men hate so much about women. The sweeping generalizations, for one thing. The “I put her in her place” statements, for another.
Don’t get me wrong. Even though I myself am a woman, I truly believe that women are more difficult to get along with, harder to like and to love, less trustworthy, and generally a much bigger pain in the ass than men, in the balance of things.
BUT. It’s all on a scale. Just because women have more or less of any given quality than men do, it’s foolish and shortsighted to extrapolate that into some sort of claim that women have a monopoly on shitty qualities or that men have a monopoly on good qualities.
Although it’s not as much fun, I could write full-bodied rants about the stupid shit men do, too. A good example would be the completely silly ideas some men have about their own appeal. I’ve sat at parties and listened to overweight, flabby men go on and on about all the fat girls. I’ve heard men talk about breast size ad nauseum one weekend - the bigger the better! - and the next weekend, the same men are complaining about how they shouldn’t have to be an Adonis to get a date. I’ve known men who didn’t even graduate from high school and yet have grand convoluted theories about how stupid women are inherently.
I’ve watched more than one man go on and on about how superficial and shallow women are in one breath, and in the next launch into a detailed lecture about how much money he spent last month on golf supplies, his car, and his watch.
The statistics say that more married men than women cheat, yet the meme out there seems to be when men cheat, it’s for a damn good reason such as wifey doesn’t put out enough, while when women cheat, it’s because they’re mean, spiteful whores.
And don’t even get me going on the slut/whore versus stud/seed-sowing bullshit. I will break a face over that issue, I will.
And you know what else? Everyone seems to think women became the way many of them are in some sort of vacuum. How about we discuss why so many women in their 20s and 30s today are such mindless, confused brats. Do you think it might have anything to do with half of them growing up without a dad in the house, or with a dad who spoiled them rotten as Daddy’s little princess? Do men not understand that they are creating monsters with that princess crap?
Maybe the pop culture garbage like Howard Stern and MTV had the effect any moron could have realized it would have, which is that girls are growing up having it drilled into their brains that the only way any man will pay attention to you is if you’re a fake-titted idiot whose only goal in life should be to look good. Shit, even watching the news will drive this lesson home for young girls. For example, how many dead men are eulogized with any mention of their looks? But good lord, a girl or woman disappears or is murdered, and you can bet your ass you’re gonna hear about how “beautiful” she was, if she was even remotely attractive.
It sinks in. It affects girls. And it’s not just other girls doing it to them and you’re crazy if you think it is.
Back to the Daddy thing. The most god-awful, impossibly selfish, obnoxious women I have ever met were the ones whose fathers coddled them and treated them like princesses. If you grow up with the main man in your life giving you everything you want, telling you how perfect you are no matter what, you will become a woman who expects the same thing in every relationship you have with a man.
This will make you hideously impossible to please no matter how hard your boyfriends or husbands try, because they can never love you so perfectly as your Daddy did. They won’t find it so easy to overlook your whining and your demands, and this will enrage you, and ultimately, your man will walk away believing all women are psychotically selfish brats.
This is Daddy’s fault. I’m just saying. Men aren’t off the hook with this. They bear some of the blame and it’s okay to say so. It doesn’t change anything about what I’ve always said about how revolting so many women are these days. Yeah, I’m going down the Root Causes road, but that’s not always a bad thing. You want personal responsibility, here it is. A lot of women are they way they are because of their fathers.
How about other women with other problems, such as commitment issues and not trusting men for any reason that the men themselves can discern? It’s assumed they’re just being irrational, but in my anecdotal experience, that’s not always the case. The women I’ve known who were like that had alcoholic, abusive fathers. They were sexually molested by Mom’s boyfriends. They almost always have perfectly rational reasons (psychologically) to distrust men.
Of course there are tons of women out there who were raised just fine, who have no real reasons to be crazy, and who really are just selfish bitches. Of course! Those are the ones I rant about so much. But a lot of other women who often get lumped into that category really don’t deserve it. They’re real human beings, with human psychology and human feelings.
And one last thing. I hear a lot of men giving only their side of the story about past relationships, about what horrible people the women in their lives have been, and so on. I’m sure a portion of these stories are completely true. But I don’t like the implication that these men bear no blame at all in the failure of their relationships.
I speak from personal experience on this, as I have been in the unfortunate position of actually overhearing a certain ex of mine describing our breakup to one of his friends, many years ago. We still lived together after the breakup, it was a small apartment, and I could hear him on the phone. And he told LIES. I’m sure it got a lot of sympathy from his buddy, but it was so far from what had really happened that it wasn’t even funny.
Same thing happened with a couple I was friends with. I worked with the woman and knew her situation, so when I heard her ex at a party describing the breakup, it was all I could do not to strangle him with my bare hands. He said she wouldn’t “put out” anymore, but he didn’t mention that he’d gained 60 pounds in the time they’d known each other (and no, she hadn’t done the same). He said she didn’t make enough money, but he didn’t mention that he’d just gotten fired from his job and wanted her to pay the rent until he could find a new one.
He said that she never paid any attention to him, but he didn’t mention that at that very moment, she was taking 14 hours of college courses and working full-time. He even had the BALLS to say that she didn’t cook enough, but of course he failed to mention to his pal that whole college/job thing she was doing and the whole unemployed thing that he was doing.
I’m just saying. Two sides to every story.
Again. It bears repeating: I genuinely believe men are easier to get along with and generally more honest and straightforward. I have meant every word I’ve ever written in my “Girl Stuff” category. But that doesn’t mean every man out there who’s ever had a problem with a woman needs to break his neck patting himself on the back. You guys have your own faults, too. Fair is fair.
And one last thing I wish more men would recognize: women only treat you the way you LET them treat you. For every emasculating harpy woman out there, there’s a man who allowed that emasculating. For every battle-ax bossy wife, there is a husband who puts up with it and often even feeds that behavior. I see it with my own eyes all the time, men sitting around saying things like, “Well I know who wears the pants in my house and it ain’t me!” With a smile on their faces, no less.
I think some men even like it because it relieves them of the responsibility of making all the decisions. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not fair to assume that every marriage like that involves a woman who dominates her husband against his will. People put up with what they’re comfortable with, otherwise they get divorced. And yes, I realize that family courts are totally stacked against men these days, but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t impregnate anyone you don’t completely trust to be a decent human being.
This post is too long but I don’t have time to edit it down so tough shit. It takes me half as long to write a post as it does to edit it to my liking, which annoys me no end but I’m letting it go this time because I have things to do today.
Incredibly well put. The best relationships (in my mind) involve two people who feel a little luckier than one another about their partners. And both of whom work a little harder to make sure they keep the relationship they feel they might just not deserve enough. I’m incredibly lucky to be married to the love of my life, who is better than me in every conceivable way, and I hope to GOD she never figures out what a worthless piece of shit i am.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:08 amThank you…. Even as a guy, I was beginning to despair at some of the woman-bashing going on in the other thread. I could well understand why a number of the men commenting had had trouble with the women in their lives.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:14 amAnother great one, Rachel.
There are just far too many people in the world who get their feelings hurt when anecdotal stories are offered up with appropriate criticisms. Inevitably you will get accused of being hateful, of “painting with a broad brush” etc. when the intention was never there, much less remotely implied.
Really, what is so hard about discerning that opinion and criticism might refer to a specific individual or occurrence? Why do so many confuse this with the idea that you are referring to ALL?
I get this all the time. You’re a hero one minute for ridiculing foolish behavior on the part of one individual, but you’re damned moments later when ridiculing that same sort of foolish behavior when the object of the critique is the opposite sex or another race.
People don’t like their sacred cows skewered, nor do they like anyone resembling themselves (in sex, creed, or race) to be properly judged.
Stupid people. They’re EVERYWHERE….
July 16th, 2008 at 11:15 amI would agree wholeheartedly with this post. I think both genders act pretty retarded most of the time when it comes to relationships. As I said before, I have no sympathy for guys who act like a bunch of crybabies or act like shitheads.
I don’t plan on getting married, but that’s just my temperment. Hats off to those who have found a significant other.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:17 amThe point that some of the commenters missed is that the only way women like this exist, and flourish, is because men not only put up with it, but often pursue women who are like this. I have zero sympathy for such “men”.
On the cheating stats, all the ones I know of say women cheat as often, if not more than, men. They just get caught less. And also that they feel justified in having cheated.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:19 amIn general, I want to say “AMEN!” to this post. My only thing being that I have not found men to be more honest and straight forward than women. Quite the opposite. Then again, my last boyfriend was a monster, who while I was trying to take the high road and not tell even the truth of how bad he was because we had mutual friends, was telling every one I beat him up (sorry it was the other way around) and was psychoatic. Even beyond him, I think at the very least that women and men are equally bad when it comes to lying or being straight forward, in my personal experience it being the men who have lied more.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:24 amSpot on again, Rachel.
Maybe its just me, but I figured that the thoughts expressed in this post, were inherently implied in your last post, at least the way I read it.
I figured that while you were making an accurate and amusing statement on a few aspects of some women’s behavior that pisses other women off - in NO WAY were you completely blaming all women or saying all women were like this. Nor were you exonerating men and assuming that all of them were hard done by bridezilla-like vampire women and that these men bore no resposibility or accountability for enabling it themselves.
Like Mat said, its an equal opportunity thing - both genders are capable of acting pretty retarded at times when it comes to relationships, whether its by acting out, or enabling the acting out.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:30 amAgreed Rachel. Its good to be aware of the bad behaviors that shouldn’t be tolerated.
Its not so good to bash, blame & hate the whole other gender as I still feel we are meant to be together.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:38 amMy only disagreement is the cheating part. My whole life, it’s been seen that if men cheated, they’re the jerks who are selfish, stupid, ungrateful to their perfect girlfriends etc. But if a woman cheats, it’s because the man was stupid, selfish, not good enough in bed, etc.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:45 amI have the “Daddy’s little princess” problem with my ex. It has totally screwed up eldest daughter-child (who is getting divorced after less than a year of marriage), and I’ve been furiously trying to figure out how to ameliorate its effect with my second daughter-child. It’s very difficult to raise responsible kids when one parent bails them out of every bad situation they get themselves in and blames the “mean Mom” when she tries to instill some accountability.
Women do this, too. But in my experience it’s been mainly men pushing the “it’s not your fault” meme, especially with daughters. Maybe its the kind of friends I choose?
My husband does call all our girls “princess”, but does not allow them to rule the roost or get by with bad behavior. He does tend to “do” for them too much in my opinion, but rudeness, whineyness, etc., are dealt with immediately and firmly. Thankfully. They know that if they violate the rules or standards of polite behavior that there WILL be consequences, and they won’t like it.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:47 amAwesome post. And the phrase “sacred cow skewered” in the comments makes me really want kabobs for lunch.
But then, I was one of those girls who always hung out with more guys than girls at school, because at least you knew where you stood with the guys.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:48 amWachel, glad you’re back — I was beginning to worry something had suddenly gone wrong with Joe or Rupert’s health, glad it ain’t so!
As far as the overwrought comments go — pshaw. Consider them the unavoidable downside of a glorious Instalanche and skip right over ‘em. From what I saw, your faithful commentariat reacted the way they usually do — with some agreement, less disagreement, lots of funny stories, and some kickass motivational posters.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:50 amExcellent as usual, Rach. Or should I say, Ms. Ranty McRant Pants : )
Believe me, Rachel, daddies can treat their daughters like little princesses without turning them into spoiled little whores. Our idea of spoiling them is a little different than the conventional, though, and tempered with tough d.
Becs and the divine Miss K. LOVE “boy sports” as much as we do — snowmobiling, motorcycling, four-wheeling, camping, fishing, hunting … their idea of a good “spoil” is a new motorized vehicle to replace a used one!
As Mr. M sez — “we only have 18 years to build them up and teach them right before the world starts tearing them down.”
EDIT: Don’t edit!! This stream of consciousness ROCKS!!
July 16th, 2008 at 11:51 amA helpful hint that may make your workload more bearable:
Don’t edit. It’s fine as it is.
K?
July 16th, 2008 at 11:56 amI have spent a lot of time in Latin America, and have seen a similar phenomenon: women complain all day long about men who are machistas (womanizers, rough translation); but then look at how they raise their own children– girls are supposed to be perfectly behaved, while boys are shown that they are special, that they don’t have to live by the same rules and can do pretty much anything they want, including walk all over their mothers. So women who complain about machistas raise little machistas for the next generation of women to complain about and become single mothers by.
BTW Rachel, I heard about you through Instapundit and now visit daily on my own. Thanks for all the good work– I hit the tip jar today.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:57 amNow, I’m not saying he was telling the truth, but it’s possible that Lies is a mislabel (I don’t know the guy, so I can’t say for certain). It’s possible that, instead of Lies, this was a case of self-delusion, and that he actually believed what he was saying (although he could have been exaggerating what he believed). I only say this because that is what has happened with me, regarding my wife. I know she believes everything she tells people about what a selfish, unhelpful, sack of snot I am, and I have to admit I COULD do better in some ways, but what she believes and what is the truth are far apart.
I definitely agree on the hypocritical scumbag men, though. I hear them sometimes, myself, and have to wonder at the mental disconnect going on in their heads. I also know several women who basically support total losers who can’t hold jobs, spend all their money, etc. I think I’m going to try to catch one of these women after I’m available again, because I’ll be considered a major step up the food chain.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:59 amAll hail Rachel.
Men and women, equally culpable. Easy to say, not easy to say with just the right wickedly funny turn of phrase. Thanks for sending another phosphorous round into the bowels of American culture, my dear.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:00 pmHi Rachel,
First time commenter here, but this was an excellent rant and I agree that it needed no editing at all.
I have been guilty myself of retroactively casting myself as perfect, while ex-girlfriend was manifestly not, so you’re dead on about guys occasionally engaging in that BS.
Also, a friend described me once as “someone who sees crazier relationship shit than others because you stick around too long!” — again, your point that emasculated guys bear responsibility for being there too is again dead on.
So I definitely fit your description of a guy who has brought his own crap to the relationship table, in addition to the crap contributed by the female side of that equation. And I have tried hard to be more responsible about my side of things, as that’s the only side I have any control over.
The problem has been that fine line between taking responsibility and empty excuse-making. What I often see as taking responsibility for my mistakes and abundant flaws (”I know, you’re right, I screwed up and I truly am sorry”) often gets dismissed as mere placating, or bullshit excuse-making. It’s a balance thing, and I’ve still not gotten it right.
One last thing, and then I’ll go — funnily enough, I’m the reverse of you — I always had guys friends growing up, but often preferred the company of girls and then women as as I grew older, simply because I had more interesting conversations with them.
Thanks for the great post!
July 16th, 2008 at 12:14 pmGood point. Men fathers should be the ones who teach their daughters how to treat and what to expect from the future men in their lives. By example. Spoiling the hell out of them dooms their adult lives to failure and loneliness.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:15 pmCharybdis E. Scylla’s To Do List:
__ Don’t forget to wear helmet
__ Pick up drycleaning
__ Call dentist and set up appointment
__ Try not to piss off Wachel ’cause that girl can bring it.
Ok, that’s enough for one day. I’m good.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:35 pmI’m working for a woman for the first time in over 20 years. God help me, and I’m a woman as well. I have a very responsible position that has been successfully executed for six years. Now, I can’t open my mouth without getting coached or stepped on. Guys ain’t perfect but in comparison, they’re awfully close!
July 16th, 2008 at 12:38 pmAmen, except I disagree that men overall are more trustworthy, likeable, etc. I don’t think they’re less trustworthy, likeable, overall, either, but in my experience they have just as many issues as women, though those issues may be different.
I liked your HGTV post, but I knew a few of the comments would be offputting in their extreme “women are bitches” theme. Blog posts on Islam treating women like chattle (executing them for having been raped, for example) always means there will be comment(s) at the end from a guy or two who says something along the line of “it’s those Western feminist bitches’ fault” or that Western women deserve the same sort of treatment. Most commenters aren’t like that, but there’s always a couple that see everything that one, extreme way.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:39 pmTo take your point one step further, Daddys are also responsible for the epidemic of spineless boys that refuse to grow up and be men as well as the spoiled princesses. My 21 year old daughter alternated between near-rage and stunned laughter at the antics of the male children in her college cohort. She ended up with a 26 year old Army vet instead, and all parties are quite happy with that arrangement.
Daddys don’t let your boys grow up to be wusses.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:43 pmspeaking as a man, I am the first to admit that men are idiots. since this post is about men, I will gladly comment here and proclaim my own personal idiocy and highlight the general idiocy of men everywhere.
likewise, in the earlier post about the evil women, I was more than happy to point out that women are, in fact, basically evil.
See, I don’t think women are worse than men, or that men are worse than women. we all suck. I just believe in keeping comments on topic. therefore, in a post ranting about the evilness of women, I will comment about the evilness of women.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:45 pmMy marriage was ruined by much of what Rachel describes.
I am Indian-American (US-born), and got an Indian-style marriage, which means the groom and bride meet only 3 times before getting engaged. It is less risky than it sounds because the families know many common people and can vouch for each other’s reputations.
BUT,
Traditionally, this worked out because the bride would come to the husband’s house. Thus, she would have to adjust to both the husband AND the in-laws. Good in-laws would make life great, but bad in-laws could mistreat the new daughter-in-law with impunity. She is literally at their mercy. Compatibility with the husband was not of the highest importance, as the purpose of the marriage, first and foremost, would be to produce children. This was the traditional way.
In my case, I had her come to America, and live with me. No in-laws - my parents did not even visit until 2.5 years after the marriage.
She had everything I wanted in terms of paper credentials. She was very pretty, highly educated, and with a melodious voice.
BUT,
She never worked after college, and never lived away from home. Her father did not let her. She was thus Daddy’s little princess all the way up till age 29. She literally never lived away from her parents, or worked in a job, before marriage at age 29.
I did not know how much this would prevent her from adjusting.
Her father called, from India, every day. He would intrude in every little detail of our lives. Her mother had a problem with her having to work for a living in America (even though she had an MBA degree). When they saw that I wasn’t spending more of my hard-earned money on things her parents thought were important (as they are big on showing off to others, and I am not), they hated me, despite them not wanting to spend their own substantial money on these things.
Our physical relationship suffered. It is usually the woman who withholds sex, but in this case, it was me, the man, who felt too mistreated to do it. This is a woman pretty enough to turn heads, mind you.
We went to counseling, and enrolled our friends to try and help us. But she just could not compromise. I recognize that I did some wrong things early in the marriage, like yell when she nagged me, or spent too much time on blogs when I could have spent a bit more time with her. But I did correct these things over time. Yet, she refuses to acknowledge my corrections, and continues to beat me up over the mistakes I make in the first 6 months of marriage in 2004.
I and my parents tried talking to her parents, but they just refused to talk. In their mind, avoidance was the right strategy, but I strongly disagree. Avoidance worsens any possible misunderstandings, while discussion can reduce them.
Anyway, there is a 99% chance we are going to get divorced shortly, ending our 3.5-year marriage. Fortunately, we have no kids, and are both still under 35.
That is the end of this cross-cultural story. Hopefully, someone gains value from it.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:49 pmI am one of those men. Things started well in our marriage but something failed and now I have a bitchy, constantly angry wife who is filling up the house with her crap. If I could do it again I would not have married my wife and would have dumped her. The only good thing that came out of it was my daughter.
This post at least gives me the goal to do my best to keep my daughter from turning into the bitter angry woman my wife is. No I don’t call her princess.
Either that or I have to warn off any future suitors for their own good.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:50 pmMy daughter is a princess, but she knows that it’s only because Daddy and Mommy are king and queen, respectively (no role confusion here, thank you).
My sons are just little buttholes (I keed, I keed).
I want all of my children to understand:
1. Nobody owes you anything; and
2. Your quality is measured by how you treat others, not how they treat you.
But then again I’m actually raising my kids, not making them idolize me or abandoning them to the virtual babysitter (TV).
July 16th, 2008 at 12:52 pmGood Post Rachel,
I’m raising a daughter to be a nice, will rounded person, which includes understanding the basic functionality of cars and bikes, cleaning up after herself, cooking, and pitching in to do her part as a member of the family, including picking up after the dog.
And we are SURROUNDED by princesses. I would approach the daddies, and ask WTF, but it would be useless. In 2 households, the mommies are princesses (queens now?) who’s parents STILL open their checkbooks for them (read huge motor homes, A/C going 24/7, etc.). I guess those kids are going to be 200 proof princesses.
Thank God my daughter won’t hang out with them!
And my kid is growing up to be tall, and very attractive, much like mommy. Fortunately, she’s going to be living with us until she’s at least 40.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:08 pmI do believe that there is a math equation that proves they are evil.
That being said there should probably be one pointing out how stupid men can be. And if not it should just be accepted as fact anyways.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:08 pmAll too true!
My sons have a funny saying to remind themselves that looks aren’t everything when they look at an attractive woman (and this works for men, too) :
“Somebody somewhere is sick of (her)(his) shit.”
July 16th, 2008 at 1:16 pmYour blog, your posts, is what it comes down to. You don’t owe us anything, and the only reason you should edit or retract a post is because on reflection you decide it wasn’t really what you wanted to say, or you later on learn new information that changes what you think.
And of course you can disregard my advice as well if you wish.
There are lots of blogs whose writers I disagree with, or even whom I think are stupid. Far too many for me to visit, not that I want to. I never understand the motivation of a hostile troll who drops by simply to leave a carefully polished turd. Waste of time, and it doesn’t make the troll look like anything but an abusive idiot. So more free advice - ignore the drive bys. You owe them even less than you do the regular readers, which we’ve already established is nothing.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:25 pmI’ve been fixated on the “women suck flaming hog balls” mantra for obvious reasons, but allow me to take this opportunity to express my feelings about men in general:
Men are the most damned stupidest piggish pig-like pig-borking piggyback pigger pigs to have ever graced creation. When they’re not busy scratching and rubbing their 9 months pregnant sized hairy ass bellies, they’re busy letting one fly while they expound on the intricacies of the latest scores in sports, or how they’d like to hit every walking thing within 100 yards that passes for a female, and they profoundly believe this is what passes for intelligent discussion.
Truthfully, sometimes I wish the entire human race would just die.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:31 pmLincoln:
Were you a consultant on the visuals in the movie Idiocracy?!?
July 16th, 2008 at 1:35 pmSomething I rarely see addressed when this topic comes up is that there are a lot of women out there who are genuinely unhappy with having to be the boss, but the husband/boyfriend (maybe raised without a strong father himself, maybe just confused about the nature of woman) refuses to take responsibility for anything in their lives. He pushes over very easily, and she ends up making decisions even though she’d rather he be involved, or even make the final decision himself. Then she ends up looking like a complete bitch when he didn’t get what he wanted, even though he never even advocated for what he wanted. He just rolls over at the first sign of disagreement. How the hell is that the woman’s fault? He should be standing his ground.
Eventually, she just starts stomping all over him because she’s lost all respect for him a long time ago. I’ve seen it in two of my friends’ relationships, and it could have been avoided if he hadn’t expected her to be such a bitch that she became one. Men are at least 50% responsible for this kind of relationship problem. Not to be a, um, misogynist or anything, but sometimes a man has to put his foot down and actually wear the pants in the relationship. It’s unfair to expect a woman to be completely agreeable and kind to a man who has been acting like a beaten dog since day 1…especially if some other woman (ahem, moms) trained him to act that way.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:36 pmNor is it misogynistic (or inaccurate) to state that some women lie about being raped. But if you want to start a food fight, stand up and make that statement in a room full of supposedly “enlightened” women. Hoo, baby.
Somebody else has said this already, but I’ll emphasize — people treat you the way you let them treat you.
Oh, BTW — my father was an abusive alcoholic but I didn’t turn out to be psychotic. At least, I don’t think I did. Hubby hasn’t said anything like that to me and the voices assure me I’m fine.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pmRachel for President.
That is all.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:41 pm“I never understand the motivation of a hostile troll who drops by simply to leave a carefully polished turd.”
Good one
July 16th, 2008 at 1:42 pmI don’t think men are worse or women are worse, it’s all about preferences. As in: I prefer man-stupid crap to women-stupid crap 67%.
For the most part, I think you could know if the person you marry or date is a nutbag before you get deeply involved. It’s just that most people put the cart before the horse and allow their hormones to dictate to them rather than their minds.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:42 pmThose bastards never did pay me.
MEN. =P
July 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pmWhy can’t we all just get along?
Ducks and hides.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:47 pmGreat post, and as a man I will say everything you said is undeniable.
The problem is not what we get from our “culture” or what stereotypes we believe, but how they inform public policy. That, unfortunately, hews to the notion of “woman good, man bad” as expressed in such as IMBRA, VAWA, Title IX, no-fault divorce, etc.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:51 pmawesome. I’d say turn this into a shirt, but I doubt it all fits.
And I second Skubinna: ignore the drivebys. You owe us nothing. Say what you want to say, it’s your house, etc.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:53 pmTHANK YOU!!!
I’m an admin for a website for helping men getting their balls back, without the bashing or hating women that other sites can get into. One of the BIGGEST things we see is simply, yes she’s a bitch and treated you badly, YOU ARE ALLOWING IT.
Men: Rachel is totally spot on here! There are Crazy women out there just the same as crazy men. They may have made your lives miserable, but who’s life is it anyways? Yours, take some responsibility for it.
I think the larger issue for men and women being treated badly and allowing it is more related to the fact people are expecting someone else (government, parents, the other partner) to take care of them and when they don’t (big surprise) they complain and place blame and STILL expect someone else to make it better.
/rant off
BTW, Rachel you are SOO freaking hot right now, I hope Rupert is keeping you under some sort of lock and key. A woman that “gets it”… yum!
July 16th, 2008 at 1:56 pmDon’t edit, you may just be taking out the fun parts. That was a great rant.
og you hit it on the head. Both sides need to feel like they are really getting the good deal. This was my 4th marriage and she still thinks she has the better bargain, silly wife. While I felt wronged in my former marriages, I also knew the biggest common denomiator was me. If women wrong me, I tend to turn off and tune out. I know it doesn’t help the relationship, but I am the type to see exactly where any discussion is going to end in advance, and that too is not a good trait so I try to shut up before it gets too bad, but that often makes it worse because ‘I have a predispostion’ or ‘I am a know it all’.
My wife now has found the perfect answer to these problems. If you ask her what is one thing about her husband the first hing she will say is “Rick is always right!” and defend it to the death. Now I have to point out to her whenever I am wrong to convince her this is not the case. while it strokes my ego (also a good thing in a mate) it is a tough thing to live up to and I take great care to not take advantage of this belief, affected or not.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:59 pmWe wouldn’t want anyone to think we here at RCHL’s are anything less than hospitable:
July 16th, 2008 at 2:05 pmA remembered men’s room graffitis:
Yeah, she’s hot. Smokin’ hot. She’s also crazy. Crazy as a shithouse rat. RUN AWAY.
I’m sure the ladies’ rooms have their own versions.
Moral: If you put up with it, you own it too. If you’re happily married (or stably long-term-related) be very grateful.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:07 pmI think you’re right about the “princess” thing. Little girls have probably always read stories about princesses, but in recent years the thing seems to have expanded beyond reason. Fathers are part of the problem, but so is the children’s book, movie, & clothing industy.
The definition of a “princess” being assumed seems to be someone who exists to be adored and who has no responsibilities, just privileges.
Who would want such a person as a wife, an employee, a coworker, or a friend?
July 16th, 2008 at 2:09 pmI thin I’l just go crawl away and find a free, dry cave somewhere. Maybe displace a spitting possum and her kids for it.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:14 pmI am woefully unprepared for this argument. Could someone please come find me when the smoke clears?
I must have missed some “guy” class somewhere along the line growing up. Even with my Dad, the word “stud” never had any connection to sexual prowess. That was always used in the context of something physically impressive (i.e. SEALs, triathletes, or the guy on http://www.advrider.com who rode his motorcycle across Canada, including part of the Trans Labrador Highway, back in January).
Am I the only guy in the world that thinks that sleeping around indiscriminantly makes you a slut, and STD magnet, regardless of gender?
July 16th, 2008 at 2:18 pmSpoodles:
Bravo! I wish more people understood that dynamic.
One of the MANY reasons my ex and I are divorced is that I got sick and tired of having to make every decision (I have no problems making decisions and do not waffle), while anytime it didn’t turn out the way HE wanted I got yelled at. Add that to having an “agreement” that wasn’t worth spit. He felt that he could violate anything we agreed to at any time, simply because he was the “Poppa” and everything should be the way he wanted it.
Even when we didn’t know how he wanted it.
Then there were the few times when he insisted on making the decision…usually on things that didn’t affect him, only me. Somehow those ended up being my fault, too.
Funny thing. He lives with his mother.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
July 16th, 2008 at 2:31 pmI beg your pardon! I don’t even LIKE discussing sports scores! Hang on a sec while I look down from my office’s window to see if I can get a view of some cleavage passing under… Hey! What do you mean, calling me a pig?!?
July 16th, 2008 at 2:36 pmHere Here!!!
I’m sure my ex boyfriend told all sorts of scary stories about me being a battle ax and yet never mentions his own abusive ways.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:36 pmI’ve always said, nothing can ruin a perfectly good girl like her father.
Spot on with the analysis, Rachel
July 16th, 2008 at 2:36 pm“I’m sure the ladies’ rooms have their own versions.”
I have a feeling the one in the ladies’ restroom is “all the good ones are either taken or gay”.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:40 pmHeh. I think there’s a reason yet unmentioned here on why men bitch about women: for the most part, men are used to men’s crapulence. We take it as given. We know it’s crapulent, but we’ve gotten accustomed to it so we don’t notice it unless we pay attention - and the larger the group, the less attention we pay. (As Linc so elegantly stated, we’re the “damned stupidest piggish pig-like pig-borking piggyback pigger pigs” to have ever pigged.)
We’re used to other guys ragging on us and generally saying stupid crap to get attention, establish pecking order, and other assorted Bravo Sierra. It’s sort of like a code to prove that a guy is one of the tribe. Oddballs go straight to the bottom of the order unless they prove their bonafides somehow, or last in the group long enough to make a few friends individually, and thus gain wider acceptance. Then, of course, the group rags all the time on his oddities. =)
Being the chessplaying Christian oddball on my hockey team meant that I had a long row, for example.
So - all false erudition aside, I’d say that some of the commenters weren’t in the “men good, women wicked” camp. They’re just being guys (where applicable); and being guys means talking the language. If it turned to male stupidity, they’d likely run the tap til the keg ran dry.
July 16th, 2008 at 2:48 pmbuzzion, is that the formula to which you referred? (I’m still new at comps., so I put that in first and didn’t know how to add comment. Getting better though)
July 16th, 2008 at 2:55 pmRachel, I believe that this column is even better than the HGTV one. You are, indeed, a rare and wonderful person; and really good at what you do here.
But-but-but we need all those things! /kidding
Yeah, I don’t know why some men do that. Personally, I really don’t care how much a car or a watch costs and I absolutely despise golf (stupid drunken Scotsmen!) and all the associated accoutrements. To tell you the truth it really mystifies me how some men will talk about how expensive their special toy was, as though throwing money down the toilet were a point of pride.
I think I’ll have to disagree with you on that one.
While I’d be lying if I said I’d never heard a man rationalize his cheating, I don’t think there is any significant double standard. I’ve seen plenty of men who were roundly criticized by their male friends and family members for cheating, and I’ve seen plenty of women who claimed they cheated “for a damn good reason”.
But then doesn’t it also follow that any husband who brutally dominates and controls his wife is only treating her the way she allows him to treat her?
I mean, given that the point of your post seems to be gender double-standards, wouldn’t this count as one too? When a man is dominated by his wife, he’s “pussy-whipped” or “henpecked”. But when a woman is dominated by her boyfriend or husband, she’s “abused” or “brutalized”.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:02 pmVery true, all of it.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:12 pmCan’t see the picture but if it involves Time X Money and Money = Evil^(1/2) then yes.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:12 pmRachel, this was no rant on your part. It was a psychiatric treatise! And, one that has been needed for a long time on ANY website on the I-net. Thanks!
Oh, and when it comes to my ex- I only say about her–what went wrong was that the two of us shouldn’t have been together. I wasn’t the right one for her, and she wasn’t the right one for me. End of story.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:13 pmI think for the most part it’s unrealistic expectations, and it’s twin, denial.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend has a temper, the other thinks: he/she would never act that way towards me.
He’s bad with money, she thinks: Marriage will make him straighten up.
She spends money on frivolous things, he thinks: when we have the responsibilities of a home and family she’ll become more responsible.
Adultery? Show me an adulterer and I’ll show you a person who has betrayed something or someone in the past, and probably got away with it.
If you knew it was there, and you married it, you own it.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:16 pmI think Spoodles hit the nail on the head with some of these guys; husbands who put all the burden of decision-making on their wives- and complain about what bitches they are when it didn’t come out the way they wanted- are just the few-years-older version of the “nice guy” who expects women to psychically divine his romantic intentions when he’s “nice” to her and concludes that women in general are cockteasing bitches when she fails to read his mind.
Mightysamurai: You do have a point on “how you are treated depends on how you allow others to treat you”, and most of the discussions I’ve seen from women who HAVE been abused- when we’re not talking an Oprah format where claiming saintly victimhood is actively encouraged- do involve a lot of learning on the woman’s part to resist manipulation and domination rather than subconsciously- but actively- seeking it out.
I think part of that particular double standard is just plain unfairness (men are predators, women are victims), but part of it is also the relative levels of danger involved; when a woman flees a controlling, abusive man, the odds are much higher that she’ll be stalked and killed rather than being legally and socially ruined by the spurned one, the tack that vicious women are inclined to take.
Either way, I don’t think either sex tends to wind up well-served by bashing the other and taking the victim posture. It’s not good for anyone.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:20 pmTo be fair, the problem with today’s society is that if a man simply stands his ground, he’s considered a wife beater. I don’t think it’s that they fear the wrath of their wives for not appeasing their every whim so much as they fear the possibility that she will spread it from one end of creation to the other on how he ties her up and flogs her with rusty whips every night (thus making it unsafe for him to go out in public) all because she’s miffed that she didn’t get the Gucci bags or Prada shoes or whatever the F&^% it is such princess women get all a-twiddle diddle about these days.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:38 pmAm I the only guy in the world that thinks that sleeping around indiscriminantly makes you a slut and STD magnet, regardless of gender?
Nope. There are at least two of us.
Something my dear departed father told me: “Women marry men expecting them to change, and men marry women expecting them to stay the same. Both are oft disappointed.”
July 16th, 2008 at 3:38 pmI gotta say, as a single-and-searching woman myself, these conversations are pure buttery goodness. What TO do, what NOT to do, and the relief of knowing that all the jerks among us, both male and female, have not, in fact, contaminated the pool irrevocably. To those of you with long-lasting marriages who’ve weighed in- Double thanks, for demonstrating that it can be done. And after copious note-taking on my part, I can assure my future husband, whoever he may be, that yes, the beer WILL already be open when I bring it.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:41 pmSome really good advice for you from InstaPunk.
http://instapunk.com/archives/InstaPunkArchiveV2.php3?a=1429
Seriously.
You’ve got talent. Get paid for it.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:43 pmCount me thrice. I hate Man-Whores.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:45 pmWell, if we count you thrice there are at least five of us.
(And in the interests of topic reinforcement I hereby freely admit to being NOT PERFECT, and I have witnesses who will so testify. Like Mrs. Tully. Who is also NOT PERFECT. Yet somehow in a few weeks we’ll have been married for 20 years. It ain’t about being perfect. Perfect is boring.)
July 16th, 2008 at 3:52 pmJanir, howzabout a link?
July 16th, 2008 at 3:59 pmThat’s part of the problem; crazy woman = barn-burning sex (at least during the getting-to-know-you courtship phase). There are profound psychological reasons for this, but for the purposes of this discussion, they’re just details.
As someone so wisely pointed out yesterday, most men are a little simple in that department and most men will put up with almost anything if they’re getting laid on a regular basis.
If this happens to the man when he’s very young and/or inexperienced - and frankly, may have boundary, intimacy and impulse-control issues of his own - he may get the idea (like I did for the longest time) that you have to put up with Teh Crayzee to get Teh Awesome Nookie. Add to that our pornified society, where the bar on what passes for great sex is 1) very high skill-wise and 2) very kinktwisty content-wise.
Some break out of the pattern, some don’t.
The rest is details. Like I said, most of us are pretty simple.
July 16th, 2008 at 4:10 pmThat’s why I made sure the stories I read my daughters had plenty of spunky, resourceful princesses…
July 16th, 2008 at 4:13 pmRachel-
July 16th, 2008 at 4:14 pmYou are such a breath of fresh air. Don’t stop writing, mankind and (womankind,too) needs you. “You go ,Girl!”
Completely off topic, but for all the fellow B5 fans… it’s official:
Babylon 5 is dead
I think I am ready to mourn now.
And for my actual on-topic comment:
[boondock saints]Well, that certainly demonstrates the diversity of the word. [/boondock saints]
July 16th, 2008 at 4:15 pmOh, and listen to the InstaPunk. He’s right, you know. If Whittle did it, so can you!
July 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pmThat equation was HYSTERICAL!!
July 16th, 2008 at 4:20 pmBrilliant post. I’m ashamed to admit that my ex definitely ‘wore the trousers’, as it were. Part of it was maybe that she was 10 years older than me and it was my first relationship, but most of it was because I gave in all the time just to have a quiet life.
Want to know where it got me? She dumped me one day after 10 years of being together (2 of those married), with the excuse that she thought that ‘we weren’t compatible any more’. No honesty previously about the way she felt, no suggestions of marriage guidance, nothing…
One minute I was a husband and a stepdad to two girls, the next I was back at my parents’ house because I had nowhere else to go. The day before she dumped me she was holding my hand and replying to my “I love you” with “I love you, too”. She’s definitely a better fucking liar than I’ll ever be.
I swore there and then that I didn’t want to be in a relationship ever again. I changed my mind though, and I’m damn glad that I did. I’m now with a girl 17 years younger than me who I’d trust with my life. She respects my opinion on things because I’m older and more experienced than her, and I respect hers because she’s such a bloody nice person. A lot nicer than me, and I’m so soft that I even cried at the end of Return Of The Jedi. No-one wears the trousers in our relationship; we’re genuinely equal.
I even get to move from the UK to the US, where I can own a gun and defend myself, my home, and my family, without being treated like a criminal myself. And where I can probably even overfill my bins without being fined and given a stern lecture on the environment and the health and safety regulations for binmen…oh, sorry, I meant “Refuse Collection Engineers”.
Talk about landing on your feet…
EDITTY ADDENDUM THINGY: Ethne, I just heard about a week ago that Andreas Katsulas was dead. I think I’ll have a beer or ten tonight and make a toast to that great actor. His scenes with Peter Jurasik were some of my favourite ones in the whole series. Even more than the ones with the dokking great spaceships blowing each other up, and for a committed nerd, that’s saying something.
July 16th, 2008 at 4:21 pmMy first marriage lasted a little over three years, produced a son (now 28 years old and married) and nothing else. The breakup was probably equally our faults, although she was a bit on the psycho side. (/snide mode off)
My second marriage is still going strong after 22 years, two stepchildren and four adopted children. If, God forbid, my wife dies before I do, I won’t be looking for another one. It’s hard to settle for good when you’ve had the best. Besides, I doubt sincerely I could find anyone else who would put up with me.
July 16th, 2008 at 4:37 pmYou personally have something against dating someone less than a decade close to your age? Like, wow. =O
July 16th, 2008 at 5:03 pmElvenPhoenix Says:
BWAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHHAHaahahahahhah…snort.sniff.whew.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:24 pmMightysamurai, you are spot on with this. That’s the reason I’ve tried to teach my daughters to be aware of how boyfriends treat them. Hubby and I have always said that there was one rule it was imperative for them to follow: if a boyfriend/husband ever physically abuses them, they need to leave the relationship — no additional chances, no rationalizing why he did it. Many women delude themselves that he will change or that he didn’t really mean it. They unwittingly set themselves up for more of the same abuse by not realizing they are signaling their willingness to accept his treatment.
The indications are usually there long before the physical abuse begins — controlling behavior, emotional abuse, etc. — and have escalated as she has continued to ‘forgive’ him.
I’m constantly amazed at what people will put up with and why they’re so surprised by what was always obvious if they’d taken the time to read the signs. I don’t allow myself to be controlled — I’m a well behaved, responsible adult and don’t need a keeper — so my husband doesn’t try to control me. He treats me as an equal partner, as I do him. It goes both ways. My mother always said, “You get what you settle for in this world.”
July 16th, 2008 at 5:25 pmRachel, if you take InstaPunk’s advice, I won’t be offended if that means you back off from the blog to do it. Heck, I’ll even buy your books. I’m no expert on book publishing, but your blog’s archives and page hit numbers should convince agents and publishers that your material can sell.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:29 pmThey say it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission. I hope they’re right, because the following link is off-topic, insubordinate and kinda stupid. It’ll probably get me banned.
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/OujtjHAvagae2G5d
But Obama’s high-steppin’ in the meadow is priceless.
(My blasphemy appears near the end.)
July 16th, 2008 at 5:30 pmWhile that’s probably true, it doesn’t really tell us anything. All it tells us is that the methods of revenge for a spiteful ex tend to vary by gender.
I do see the point you’re trying to make. If we compare the worst possible outcome for a woman as opposed to a man, the worst possible outcome for a woman is far more heinous.
But the real question is this:
1. If a woman flees an abusive husband, how likely is she to be stalked and killed as opposed to being left alone?
2. If a man flees an abusive wife, how likely is he to be financially and socially ruined as opposed to being left alone?
If #1 has a 1-in-10 chance of happening, and #2 has a 1-in-5 chance of happening, it’s not really fair to say that women have it “worse” when they flee an abusive relationship. That’s not to say that women have it better, just that they don’t necessarily have it worse. It depends on which one you think is worse than the other (something which, funnily enough, also tends to vary by gender).
Given that, I completely agree with your final point. Playing the victim card won’t help anyone because both sides can credibly say the other side is just being oversensitive.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:36 pmJim Carson,
Dear sweet jesus boffin bama on a unicorn.
Rachel sure had a helluva grin when she took it in the rear!
Blasphemous, meh. Genius, definitely.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:39 pmI know I’m just parroting these other good folks, but Rachel is dead right…hearing this crap makes me want to run around confiscating Man Club membership cards…
John
July 16th, 2008 at 5:48 pmMightysamurai: I don’t think we’re actually in disagreement here. My point, to the extent that I had a firm one, is that the weight of sympathy/support for a wife fleeing might be greater just because the consequences may well be greater- not that they are LIKELIER or that it’s not unfair that men aren’t given more sympathy and support when they deal with a vengeful woman.
Believe me, I have experienced the damage one vicious woman can do on a far more personal level than I’ve ever experienced male violence, which remains purely theoretical to me- thanks in no small part to having learned how to watch for early warning signs from said woman, which turned out to apply pretty equally to men and women. Their methods of lashing out may differ, but controlling, manipulative people behave pretty much the same way in the “charming” phase regardless of gender.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:54 pmI enjoy your long, unedited posts better, Rachel. I thought this one was excellent. I too tread where you have trod amid the wastelands of ugly girls who snark at men and ugly men who demean women. It quickly becomes depressing to see what passes for an acceptable social relationship between men and women, generally, whether within a marriage or on the dating scene. I know this was all sparked by your complaint about demanding housewives on some reality show, but talking about the spiteful excuses men make for not getting their way - which is what all those “she’s not pretty enough” or “she doesn’t put out enough” comments are really saying - opens another can of worms entirely.
I’d like to add another point to the discussion. First, bad fathers must account for their part in forming spoiled/frigid/whorish women, so shouldn’t bad mothers (the ones who have enmasculated their husbands and probably their sons) also account for their part in making a male - let’s not dignify him with the term “man” - who would have the temerity to criticize his girlfriend for not “putting out” when he becomes fat, or for not making enough money when he is unemployed?
I think that honor and decency are lost virtues - perhaps there was a time when a wife would admonish her husband to be more of a man, or a husband would lay down the rules of fairness in a household. Perhaps there was a time when both men and women gave the other sex the benefit of the doubt, and stopped trying to find ways to hurt them. I don’t think there is ever a time when it’s all right to take more than your share or demean someone else.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:56 pmThanks, H. But I could never keep up with your creative output.
I have a friend who printed up her own “business” cards that read simply:
Jane Doe
Trophy Wife
I’m thinking of printing up some of my own:
Jim Carson
July 16th, 2008 at 5:58 pmImperfect Gentleman
That’s hilarious, I did the exact same thing too. I put hearts and flowers on mine, along with the slogan:
“When you need some lovin’, I’ll come a-huggin’!”
Hmm, I think I’m beginning to understand now why some people think I’m gay.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:04 pmLincoln, it’s not a conscious choice - I just don’t know why I’ve never had a woman my own age be interested in me.
Well, actually I did once. She was called Andrea and was in my class at school. I really fancied her and she fancied me, too. Except that I didn’t find out that she liked me until one of my schoolfriends told me. About ten years after we’d actually left school. The bastard.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:06 pmLOL, funny thing is something similar happened to me. I was 13, near graduating junior high when all of a sudden my band teacher takes me aside and starts cooing, “OooOOoooo I know someone who has the biggest crush on you!!” She was sworn to secrecy though, and before I could find out who it was the mystery girl had moved away.
I’m not bitter about it though. I just entertain fantasies every now and then of that band teacher rotting away in a ditch somewhere while worms eat out her eyes.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:13 pmRachel:
Longtime reader, rare commenter: THANK YOU!!!! I really dislike the blanket statements such as all women are bat shit crazy or all men are wimps. Yes, for every bat shit crazy woman or wimpy man, there are many out there who do strive to be nice, considerate and a decent person despite what is between our legs. I know plenty of bat shit women (BIL’s second ex wife comes to mind) who sees the situation as being totally one sided. It takes two to make a marriage/relationship and it takes two to break it up.
A friend of mine once said “Don’t stick your dick in crazy”, I think it applies universally with “Don’t sleep with crazy”.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:22 pmJim:
That was great!! So funny! ROFLMAO
14K:
Sometimes the best revenge is living well.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:37 pmI have been more than perfect in my child-rearing efforts. I could go on and on, but do not want to be like the others. (Ed. - will never get posted).
July 16th, 2008 at 7:57 pmBefore wading through what I’m certain are the very entertaining comments, I’ll simply make a couple of observations and move on:
1) Lots of women friends I’ve known in my life prefer hanging out with their male friends rather than their female friend, and for many of the reasons that our lovely and talented hostess just described.
2) Pride does not keep you warm at night. I’ve listened to too many people say “I won’t apologize until he/she does first.” Just grow the fuck the up, people.
3) Being able to swallow your pride doesn’t mean that you should bend over and grab your ankles whenever your SO decides to treat you like shit.
4) If your SO says something shitty to you, let them know that you think it’s shitty, or that it makes you feel bad. Many times, the comment was thoughtless, but not intended to offend. Learn to take apologies correctly and forgive.
5) Learn the difference between #3 and #4.
6) Don’t constantly bitch about the opposite sex. They make up half the population, so play nice.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:28 pmAnd with whom are these men cheating? I’d wager that in the vast majority of cases, it isn’t with other men.
Howzabout we just say that people in general are assholes and leave it at that.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:40 pmMr. Carson (Jim, if I may),
I have perused KCL at some length, as I have a dynamic interest in S&L Govt, and it appears that the sextet in whom you entruted the care of the site have been a little *ahem* negligent in the upkeep regarding events of a current nature. The honesty and thought-provocation contained in your most mundane of posts regarding “local politics as usual” (read: Council Meeting weekly updates) was refreshing and intriguing, to say the least.
As far as your proposed business cards are concerned, I must politely disagree, despite the humor factor.
Might I propose:
Jim Carson
Captain, Keller Bounce House
That’s just funny right there (contextually speaking of course) — it makes for an intriguing mind’s-eye visual given the three-ring that you endured. And I hope, if your political patience is still intact, apropos.
In the meantime, ThinkFromScratch, dammit, because you KNOW I’ll most gratefully enjoy that (as I am certain would others).
July 16th, 2008 at 8:53 pmI have a saying: Men are pigs, women are cows.
I also have dating advice: Men, don’t date psycho b*tches. Women, don’t date controlling a**holes.
That is all.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:53 pmBeen married 34 years. In my experience, women are crazy sometimes. So are men (I’ll admit to it once in awhile). A little humility seems to help.
Words to live by:
“If she was perfect, she would have married better.”
No, she isn’t perfect, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Guess I fooled her into keeping me too. Damn, I’m lucky.
I enjoy your rants, Rachel. Hope you and Rupert have the same luck.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:00 pmOnce again, you say everything I would like to say, but more more elegantly and rationally and more focused. Go Rach!
July 16th, 2008 at 11:34 pmA friend of mine once said “Don’t stick your dick in crazy”, I think it applies universally with “Don’t sleep with crazy”.
Heh. As Nelson Algren put it:
Jim Carson, my ribs didn’t start to hurt until Obama hopped on the unicorn and took off across the sky with the unicorn farting rainbows.
My card would likely read:
Tully
Right Bastard but Well-Mannered
or:
Natural Inseminations, by Appointment
July 17th, 2008 at 12:01 amFt4th’s Maxims and Axioms for raising Kids That Won’t Piss Off Civilized Adults:
July 17th, 2008 at 1:54 am1. Little kids don’t have short attention spans. Their *parents* have short attention spans for things the little kids get deeply interested in.
2. If your friends don’t think you have been “too hard” on one of your under-6 brood yet, you’re not Doing It Right.
3. You are the Parent. You damn well better be smarter than they are.
4. You are the Parent. Other kids are their Friends.
5. With constant practice, you can get to the point where There’s no such thing as a discussion that’s too complicated / adult for your kids to grasp.
6. Be prepared to remove your kid from the restaurant if they act up. This one is NOT OPTIONAL, DAMMIT. You will notice, however, that you won’t have to do this too many times.
7. Want to get your kid involved in a sport where Ethics and Sportsmanship are not a joke? Try golf. Even if you don’t play.
8. Your kid does not need the latest video game rig. (Neither do you, you hypocrite.)
9. Got a young daughter? Get her the “Lady Knight” series by Tamora Pierce. Honor. Hard work, practice, and skill. Fear and Bravery. Keeping your Word. Life, Death, Love. Good for sons, too.
10. You better be able to say, “I have a book on that subject.” [My kids claim that is my personal motto.]
11. It’s a Marathon, not a sprint. (And you know: you even die at the end, just like in the original. Bummer. Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the trip.)
(Gee, that’s 11. One too many. Sigh..)
I have to take issue with your points exculpating women by blaming their daddys. Sure, maybe dear old Dad didn’t do her any favors by giving in to her every whim. And she may have suffered abuse.
…BUT…
Excuses for any of that end at the age of majority…I’m sick and tired of people blaming “bad childhoods” or their parents for anything once they become adults.
If you’re screwed up emotionally because of abuse, then it’s your obligation to seek out therapy - not inflict your issues on some innocent person who has done nothing to deserve it.
If you didn’t learn responsibility because your parents never forced you to be responsible, it doesn’t excuse you from being responsible as an adult.
Granted you may have a harder way to go because you’ve got some things to overcome or work through, but it is never, ever, ever a valid excuse for your behavior as an adult.
Using your childhood as an excuse is just another way of saying that you’re not yet an adult and shouldn’t be treated that way. And people who make excuses for them are no less culpable: you’re just encouraging them to go inflict themselves on someone else rather than telling them to grow up and do what they need to do to become fully-functioning adults…
Sorry Rachel, you’re way off base on this one…
July 17th, 2008 at 2:27 amJim is right on.
July 17th, 2008 at 3:39 amOne of my personal pet peeves is the “Adult Children of…” thing. Are they adults or children?
If they are adults, then they should grow up and get over it, whatever “it” was.
That said, parents give their children their first lessons about the real world. It behooves us to make sure that the image of the world we give our children is true. It is very hard for a person (male or female) to unlearn world concepts.
Don’t let your child think they deserve anything just for being. It makes it hard for them to learn that in the real world you have to earn everything, except God’s Grace.
Dr. Karat (14, if I may),
What’s with the formality? You stop it. Stop it now.
I fibrillated when I realized that you clicked my link and went that deep into my posts. Nobody does that. I’m honored.
Yes, Doug and the others aren’t doing so great at staying on topic. Doug is the author of this Rachl Lukis post. His brother writes the very successful Capitol Fax Blog.)
My experience in small government left me shocked at the levels of incompetence exhibited by highly-paid people. This would cease if people would stop electing gullible narcissists, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Think From Scratch is my spin on Ayn Rand’s axiom “There are no contradictions. Check your assumptions.” I am eternally optimistic that if I could get people to care, we could examine each other’s assumptions and get much closer to agreement.
There’s an old saying “put your brain in gear before opening your mouth.” I have the opposite problem–I tend to not want to say a word until I’ve thought through and deciphered the entire meaning of life and the universe. Hence the dearth of posts on thinkfromscratch.com.
Or I’m just lazy.
Thanks again, H.
July 17th, 2008 at 6:07 amor, for most of us, the more truthful
–Sperm Samples in a Jiffy
or for the older guys
–Awkward petting, while you wait
(for the little blue pill to do its thing)
July 17th, 2008 at 7:00 amThen she ends up looking like a complete bitch when he didn’t get what he wanted, even though he never even advocated for what he wanted. He just rolls over at the first sign of disagreement. How the hell is that the woman’s fault? He should be standing his ground.
Whoever needs the other the least, gets their way.
The message I’ve gotten over, and over, and over again from women is “We don’t need you, and we can do better than