Pull yer pants up, son.
Does it officially make me an old person if the most distressing thing about chemistry lecture for me today was the clothes some of these morons in my class were wearing? Forget significant figures and conversion factors and exponential notation; that stuff is cake. What is not cake is grasping the finer points of what has become socially acceptable fashion-wise amongst…The Youth of Today.
Two rows ahead of me sat a boy whose entire ass was covered with one thin layer of boxer briefs. I shit you not. I had the distinct displeasure of watching him lumber through a few aisles of crowded seats to take his place. I looked on in fear and horror as he climbed over a row of seats while holding onto his pants with one hand; I was very concerned that he’d drop them and we’d all be exposed to something we do not want to be exposed to. Why would he have to hold onto his pants you ask? Well of course because the waistband of his pants was not at his waist but at his thighs. As in, below his ass. Because he was sporting Prison Chic for some ungodly reason.
Like this (except he was white):
Why would he do this? Why would any functioning adult person DO THIS?? I can see him waking up this morning and saying to himself, “I’m gonna go to chemistry class with my pants fastened around my legs and my shirt tucked into my underwear so that everyone can see my ass through my very thin WHITE boxers all day long. I will look so good.”
Fuckin’ retard.
I expect to see that shit on an episode of Cops, but in chemistry class? NO.
Meanwhile, over to my right were two girls modeling the extremely attractive, VERY SEXY look we all know as The Muffin Top:
It’s so 2005, you know? But they’re still doing it, oh yes they are.
But enough about fashion catastrophes. The good news is that while I am by all appearances the oldest student in the chemistry class (36 for the newbies), I’m not the most ancient in the Plant Biology class. That honor goes to a distinguished-looking gentleman, white of hair and crotchety of attitude. I think I love him for existing.
Madame Margaret did much better with my departure today, mostly because Rupert had just finished taking her on an exhausting walk and she was too busy panting to notice me. You may ask yourself why Sunny did not also go on this walk and I will tell you. Because she weighs 95 pounds and Rupert is still postop from neck surgery and under strict physician command not to push, pull, lift, or otherwise handle more than 25 pounds of ANYTHING. And that dog, like I keep telling you, is an asshole. The kind of asshole who knows physics and comprehends that if she desires to stop and sniff something, the person on the other end of the leash will stop too, whether they like it or not. Thus she can only be walked by me: the human without a massive neck injury.
Lest anyone think I’m a cold, distant bitch of a blogger, I did notice some questions in the last thread about the college stuff and I will answer them this weekend. Also, I’m so far behind on email that it’s not funny anymore but I’m hoping at least my friends and family know that I’m not dead and that I will catch up this weekend.
For now, I must eat chicken and get ready to watch the Speech of the HopeChange Messiah. Might need some whiskey for this.
My 13 year old son does that gangsta chic nonsense and I am always hammering him for it.
How can you run from five-0 if your britches are around your ankles?
August 28th, 2008 at 7:48 pmOh, my. I congratulate you on your intrepidness (is that a word?) going back to school. And I must salute you for your bravery in facing that most horrifying of landscapes, the youth-believing-they-are-dressed-totally-cool.
I was in the Corps at Texas A&M, so we wore uniforms (except during the summer semesters) and that was in the 70’s so the styles are laughable (now — back then we though we were something), but nobody ever exposed their underwear. They’d have been laughed off campus.
Yikes. I wonder if the fellow in your chem class has any idea what sort of view he’s providing people. Can you take a cell-phone picture and show him? You could always threaten to post it here, so he can be properly ridiculed.
The muffin tops are just icky. Ick.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:55 pmThere are several ways to change the behavior of children who wear their clothes like that, but only if you’re their parents. The easy route is to tell them what that look signifies in prison terms (yes, I know it may be an urban legend, but if they’re stupid enough to wear their clothes below their ass, they’re probably going to believe it anyway.)
The evil route is to start wearing your clothes that way. One mom I know did this. Her kid barely lasted a day before he agreed to say no to crack.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pmAnd it’s not just the muffin-tops, but it’s the whole outfit: the skin tight shirt over the huge boobs and over the boob echo beneath them. If you are heavy, have the good grace to wear something that is designed to camouflage, not emphasize.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:59 pmFor those not Texans, the A&M Corps provided more officers for the Army during WWII than West Point did.
On the other hand, Aggie jokes are a staple of life around here.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:02 pmSimple solution to this problem.
If your child wants the clothes that look like that, they have to buy them with their own money, starting at age 5. If your kid can afford to buy enough clothes to consistently look that stupid, they’ll be the anamoly, not the norm. Mine save their money for better things, thus they take what I am willing to pay for. Accordingly, the become accustomed to a parent-funded demure dressing style, and prefer it. Even the college-age Divine Miss K.
Problem solved.
And RCHL: I love that these idiots piss you off and make you rant. It’s priceless.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:03 pm“Why would he do this? Why would any functioning adult person DO THIS?? ”
because he IS’NT a functioning adult,obviously
August 28th, 2008 at 8:07 pmCongratulations, young lady. Your are officially “Old”.
If you pants stay on your A**, you are officially an old person. The kids want to trip over them, or whatever.
I thank The Lord that mine were grown before this kind of stuff came around, because I’d have been doing some of the kind of destroying the childrens’ fragile ego trips that I was capable of, when they were young and impressionable.
But their parents apparently don’t give a flip any more. If either of my kids go out in public like that even today, at 31 and 29, I’ll land on them like the proverbial duck on the equally proverbial JuneBug. And It’ll hurt.
But they have more sense by now, hopefully. I’m still working on the grandkids, but they are all under 9 years, so I have some time to work, I think.
Heh.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:09 pmWhat mystifies me is that the young woman in your picture appears to have a very nice figure that would only be enhanced by wearing clothes that fit properly.
Or maybe I have watched too many episodes of “What Not to Wear”.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:13 pmUgh.
I hate the muffin top look. I wear some of my pants a size larger just because I can’t stand to have “bulges”. And to have your underwear showing?!?!?!? That’s just tawdry.
The Baby likes the diaper/cowboy hat look (with flashy shoes, of course), the Boy likes swim trunks - shirt optional. And all the girls (12, 13, & 14 y/0) like things that cover appropriately. Thankfully!
Husband? All black. With cowboy boots. It suits him.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:30 pmThe Redhead tried to pull that low pants routine with me, because he has very sensitive skin and his jeans actually gave him a rash where his waistband touched his skin!! I realized I have to buy him very specific, very soft, prewashed several times jeans, because otherwise his little waist gets all irritated.
But otherwise, there’s just no excuse for that kind of ugly!
BTW - Rachel, seriously… the FUCKING MUFFIN TOP??? There’s currently vomit in my mouth@
August 28th, 2008 at 8:43 pmMake sure it’s an extra strong one, then, as in lay you out for the count..
August 28th, 2008 at 8:45 pmI don’t understand why the pants-below-the-ass is still happening. My god that was “in fasion” when I was in college 12 years ago! Aren’t these things supposed to wax and wan? Just last week I was riding the metro in Washington DC and two young black men were strutting around in pants-below-the-ass and matronly woman scolded them “pull up your pants!” Why people? WHY! If bellbottoms can go away in the fashion world for a spell, why not this?
August 28th, 2008 at 8:55 pmThese fleshy little tarts must be the most secure and confident people on earth. They would have to be in order to display so much unattractive skin with such aplomb.
Are their parents so afraid of kicking off years of anorexia or bulimia by bruising their little egos telling them that they look unattractive and cheap?
My mother would have kicked my ass. And if I had developed an eating disorder, she would have kicked my ass even harder.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:57 pmTwo words: Airsoft Pistols
August 28th, 2008 at 9:09 pmThe muffin top is perfectly easy to explain - see, when you’re a young girl going into college, your metabolism begins to slow. Simultaneously, you’re going to parties, where massive quantities of carb-heavy beer are served. Of course, in order to impress the menfolk, it’s required that you consume mass quantities of said carb-heavy beer and pretend you’re a lesbian while they’re around. Since you’re straight, though, it takes a lot of beer to actually bring yourself to kiss another girl, let alone fondle her naughty bits, but, if that’s what it takes to get laid, well, what’re you going to do? The end result, of course, is that you consume enough carbs to feed everyone in Mali over the course of a semester, and since you’re inevitably passing out afterwards, you’re not burning off those calories (no, date rape doesn’t count - you’re not moving, remember?). Consequently, clothes that used to fit you well now unleash unsightly bulges from places that just don’t belong. Since you’re a poor college student, though, you don’t have money to buy new clothes that actually fit you, and since your parents cut you off after discovering that you were spending all of the money they were sending you on drinking beer and pretending you’re a lesbian, you are, shall we say, out of luck. Hence, muffin-tops.
Cause and effect, people. Cause and effect.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:11 pm“My 13 year old son does that gangsta chic nonsense and I am always hammering him for it.”
And your LET him dress like this? He’s 13; be a parent!
You know, I teach college, and I see the muffin-top almost daily. Since I’m in upstate NY, it usually belongs to well-fed farm girls who wanna be ‘urban,’ or sometimes it belongs to honest-to-God urban folks from NYC. However. I never see these particular trollops at the campus gym. If they’re this pudgy at 19, and before they reproduce, I can just guess what they’ll look like after 4 years of dorm food and shitty beer. It’s especially icky when they have Klingon gang signs tattooed on the love handles above their ass crack. Their ‘ink’ will look like an detailed Oklahoma road map when they’re 40.
Dan Drezner once remarked that profs never f*** their students as often as the movies think we do. Now you know why.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:21 pmLily, I so agree. Stacy and Clint on WNTW are constantly having to teach grown adults that their clothing should, you know, FIT.
Maybe Mrs. HopeChange, who seems to know what she is about when it comes to dressing, can teach the young folk this basic, basic life lesson. I don’t think you will see the Obama girls sporting the Muffin Top on the front lawn of the White House.
Sadly, I am not sure that the McCains have been as successful in teaching their daughter about fashion don’ts.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:24 pm“Maybe Mrs. HopeChange, who seems to know what she is about when it comes to dressing, can teach the young folk this basic, basic life lesson. I don’t think you will see the Obama girls sporting the Muffin Top on the front lawn of the White House.”
Of course not. The Obamettes will be back at home in Chicago (I hope, I hope, I hope…)
August 28th, 2008 at 9:32 pmObama will cut taxes for 95% of working Americans. What about me? I am in the top 5% for wages. What about me? I’m voting McCain, he’s got my middle class back.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:36 pmRidicule does work if you’re not overly concerned for your safety. Perhaps if you find a couple of others to join in…
“Oh how cute! Thats just how my neighbor’s toddler looks when his didies slip!”
“Oh wow… old Uncle Bob had underwear like that, and he didn’t wash it either…”
“Oh you poor boy… can’t you afford something better than hand-me-down maternity jeans?”
“See that? Thats how Bubba looked after his momma dressed him.”
‘Oh, wow, thanks for reminding me, I’ve got to drop off the old fat clothes at the Goodwill.”
August 28th, 2008 at 9:43 pmMake sure you use that whiskey to wash down a couple of Vicoden.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:45 pmI am a teetotaler but watching Barry might drive me to drink again.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:53 pmRum. Must. Be. Rum.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:57 pm“My 13 year old son does that gangsta chic nonsense and I am always hammering him for it.”
WT Says:
I don’t LET him do it, what part of ‘hammering him for it’ was unclear?
Please let me know some more parenting tips, even if you come off as a bit arrogant. Be a parent? How about you be a bit more condecending. Sorry, too late, you already are.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:59 pmhey disgruntled.
I get you, I really do. It’s practically impossible to fight peer pressure among young men that age.
A bit of nice advice from someone who loves the hell out of her almost 13-year-old short man …
Don’t enable him. Don’t buy it for him. Form fitting only to your specifications, he buys it, or naked. I kid you not.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:08 pmThanks, that means a lot. My point was that he wears the pants around his ass no matter the size, every time he ‘forgets’ his belt, I march his ass upstairs to fix the problem. He wears a uniform in school, so that issue goes away, but my kid is as gangsta as ‘Wierd Al’ he’s whiter than sour cream.
His grandmother spent all summer hammering him as well, but boys are slower, not stupid, just slow.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:23 pmI don’t mind at all those who dress with such particular fashions. It serves to alert me with only a quick glance those that I am superior to, and need not waste my time engaging in any deeper conversation than ” Yes, I want fries with that.”
August 28th, 2008 at 10:23 pmSo these morons think it’s cool to dress like they are the prison bitch who takes it up the cornhole for anyone who slaps them around enough? Urban legend or not that’s what it looks like. *sigh*
August 28th, 2008 at 10:23 pmDisgruntled,
Have you tried punching your “tough little gangsta” in the face yet?
If he’s gonna look tough, you might as well start kicking his ass, he’ll either abandon his gansta fantasy, or at least toughen up for the life of crime and poverty he’s undoubtedly facing, given his heroes are obviously criminals. If he’s tough enough, he might even make it to 21 or 22 years old before he’s shot in the face by a drug dealer, like many of the other tough little gangsters he is emulating.
Good luck, you might even want to purchase a pool cue, they hurt plenty when racked across the shoulder blades. If it was my kid I’d beat the living shit out of him every day, if only to hopefully save his life.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:30 pmI am assuming you meant “those to whom I am superior,” as opposed to the grammatically incorrect version you posted. If you are going to validate your superiority, use correct grammar in doing so, if only as a tool to hammer your point home.
I almost always have agreed with your opinions, para, but disgruntled is in need of friendly advice and people who care, not an ass reaming for being a bad parent. She/he obviously isn’t, and posted a semi-flippant comment about the son for whom she/he is concerned enough about to seek advice/input/discussion.
If we’re going to bitch about the way people’s adult children dress, can’t we at least be magnanimous enough to offer constructive advice to and about those selfsame teenagers whose parents are bold, and dare I say honest, enough to discuss their rebellious minor children in a public forum?
C’mon. Think about it.
EDIT: para — I have terrifingly slow satellite internet, and just now saw your second post in:re this situation. Your points on “emulating” and “saving his life” … bravo.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:37 pmThe reason those boys wear clothes that piss you off is because it pisses you off. Telling them it makes them look bad only reinforces that it pisses you off. There’s nothing to be done about it except to completely refuse to interact with anyone so dressed in any way whatsoever.
As for the fat chicks. Well, fat is the new skinny. We have a very coddled society and everyone is a victim and it’s not polite, if it ever was, to tell a woman that she is fat.
The solution is still the same. Don’t ask the fat chicks out on dates. But someone will be that pathetic and so mankind is doomed to remain at the level of the lowest common denominator.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:54 pmDon’t feel bad about being the old chick at college. I’ve got a few years on you and I’m trying to finish my first degree.
And college kids and fashion choices are always amusing. At Texas State this week (and probably next week also) are fraternity/sorority rush weeks so we have the Stepford Wives look going right now, Daisy Duke shorts and Go Greek shirts for girls. And sloppy board or cargo shorts and Go Greek shirts with pre-distressed ball caps for the guys (usually with the ubiquitous Hollister logo)
August 28th, 2008 at 11:13 pm14 Karat,
Yes, my wife always complains about the way I end a sentence. Forgive me.
As for Disgruntled, and my advice, I stand by my statements. I think the kid needs an ass whoopin’ something awful. I hate to admit it now, but I think the many many ass kickings I received as a young man probably saved my life several times over. It’s called “tough love” and it works. Every time.
I think the parent should beat the living crap out of a child who is headed for a life of crime and misery, or worse, headed for a life of causing misery to others. Not a single person who emulates that thug gangster lifestyle contributes an ounce of ANYTHING but misery to the world. To think that a dispensing good old knuckle sandwich could change the course of a young person’s life seems to be very good advice.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:13 pmpara,
August 28th, 2008 at 11:18 pmPlease see my edit of earlier, and thank you for your kindness and absolutely sage, and realistic, advice.
Personally, I detest “ghetto chic” in any form, whether it be rap/hip-hop or clothes five sizes too big.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:19 pmMmmmmmmm, muffin tops….
August 28th, 2008 at 11:19 pm14 Karat,
Thanks!
August 28th, 2008 at 11:25 pmpara,
[curtsey]
You, sir, are most welcome!
August 28th, 2008 at 11:31 pmSkyler, I have thought you were a complete dick every time I have seen your comments; especially since your attack on Jim regarding the SIDS post, and your accusation that he smothered his child to get rid of it because that’s what parents who don’t want their children do.
Why can’t you get a clue and go the fuck away.
Pathetic? Fat chicks? My daughters are big girls, they play rugby, basketball and volleyball, get straight A’s, and men/young men want to get to know them and be with them. They are also well-adjusted and more than happy with who they are.
They have dates. They are beautiful young women.
They look at men like you, pretend soldier guys, and laugh in your pathetic faces, because you just can’t handle that much strong woman.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:46 pmAre they seeing…
DAMMIT
August 29th, 2008 at 12:04 ami too have the pleasure of attending class with some youngsters. But I have to say that the pants hanging off the ass and the muffin top are much better than what the girl sitting next to me in my class was wearing. An Obama Tshirt. Not just a tshirt with “Obama” printed on it. Is was screen printed with a picture of him and that oh so wonderful wife punching fists and it said “Yes, we can!” I wanted to fist punch her face.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:18 amRe the “muffin top,” I can’t wait for the waist of women’s pants to move back up to the waist, you know, where it belongs–hence the term. This hip-hugger look is so ’70’s and is frustrating for us old ladies (mid-40s). I can’t find a pair of jeans much above mid-rise. I don’t want “mom jeans” or the really high rise kind from the ’80s that would extend up to almost under the boobs, but, sheesh, something normal at least.
HASH jeans, come back….
August 29th, 2008 at 12:37 amAbsolutely! Curvaceous women are very attractive.
But ill-fitting clothes will make anybody look bad. Plus, those overly tight pants in the picture look decidedly uncomfortable.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:44 amLincoln,
Thank you. So much. I couldn’t be prouder of my girls if someone paid me to do so.
The Divine Miss K. has always been a big, strong, athletic young lady. The norm would call her a fat girl. She is so NOT. She is well endowed, and the most athletic ass kicking future nurse (aka Nurse Ratchet, in a truly loving way) that you could ever imagine. I will post a pic if it’s okay with RCHL, just so everyone can know that I am not a complete asshole regarding my opinion of the beauty of the Divine Miss K. And regarding the clothing aspect of her beauty — oh yeah. Yes. I am so proud of her perception of enhancing her endowments. Just enough of layering, a hint of clevage, no echoing ass-crack. God, I love and respect this amazing young woman, and am so grateful for her. She is truly the future we all are hoping for. And she votes, as a passionate conservative, who already realizes her future at 21.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:02 amPlease forgive me, all, as I vicariously live, and brag.
I would hope that my K meets someone of your caliber, Lincoln.
I’ve been attracted to girls of all shapes and sizes, except those who are truly obese (these are the sort that make people think a solar eclipse is occurring whenever they’re around.)
To be honest, I think more women tend to hate on guys who are overweight than vice versa, at least from what I’ve seen, but I think physical disabilities seem to be even more of a turnoff. I have one myself, and there’s not a day that goes by when it doesn’t piss me the hell off seeing how mistreated and discriminated I am by women who don’t give me a chance to prove that having a disability does not automatically make me an asstard unworthy of their attention. That’s why I do most of my date searching online.
Well, used to anyway. I hate women now and hope they all die horrific deaths. Uhh, except Wachel. And 14 Karat. And my Mommy, and… ok let me be more specific: I hate all single, American women between the ages of 18-35 and hope worms eat out their eyes and that they spontaneously combust into a fiery ball of molten flesh.
Ugh, I’m all riled up here. I’m going to have some cookies now.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:32 am14 Karat,
Maybe its time to move on to your own blog? Or is it just easier to moderate Rachel’s?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:12 amDam, I agree with you. 14 Karat needs to be diving into the pool with her own blog instead of just hanging out in the jacuzzi here at Rachel’s : )
I had a kid in one of my classes dress with his pants down near his knees so I just hollered at him one day “Dude, skid marks. Not cool.”
I don’t think he appreciated my comments, but some of my classmates did. Do they really expect to be treated as adults and taken seriously when they dress like ghetto clowns?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:46 amMuffin Top 10 reasons you may want to consider dropping a few!
10 your belly muffin tops your jeans
9 your ass muffin tops your jeans
8 your ankles muffin top your socks
7 you knees muffin top your knee highs
6 your thighs muffin top your fishnet, seam up the back, thigh high nylons (and really you should not be wearing them, but I think you know that!)
5 your neck muffin tops your turtle neck
4 your wrists muffin top your cuffs
3 your boobs muffin top your bra, but not in a good way
2 your back muffin tops your bra in the back. (SO NOT GOOD)
And the 1 reason (Paul, drum roll please)
1 YOUR KOOCH HAS A MUFFIN TOP
August 29th, 2008 at 4:06 amSee Rachel now THIS is one of the things that makes your writing so fuckin’ funny. The EXCELLENT use of the word fastened in the above. It’s so perfect. Didn’t “want” you to think “no” one “caught” it “or” appreciated “it.”
Super noogies. Head. You-know-who.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:27 amDon’t worry, Rachel. My bf is 26, fresh out of university and wouldn’t be caught dead in those “pants”.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:38 amI have some low-rise jeans (because they were the only ones available) and the only thing I’ll mourn when they go out of fashion is all the time it took me to get used to them.
para, do you even have kids?
While the theory of donkey punching my child in the face has merit, I am sure that if I follow your plan I will wind up doing serious time for abusing my kid because of how he dresses. Not really a good plan.
Teenagers live to test parents, I refuse to fail that test by punching his lights out or using a pool cue on him, for just dressing stupid. I’d rather embarass him, emotional scars can’t be see by social workers.
I do hope you are just talking shit, because if you would treat your child that way, at 21 or sooner I’m sure he’d bust a cap in yo azz.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:41 amEagle Rare or Jim Beam, if you want to drink more volume before you lose consciousness. If you go the rum option suggested by Ed, Bicardi 151. You’ll thank me in the morning. Just DON’T mix them.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:53 amAbout 15 years ago, it was popular for kids to walk around with their shoes untied. I heard one comedian talk about how he wanted to kick them in the ass and shout out “You could catch me if your shoes weren’t untied.”
Kind of makes me want to kick those boys with their pants hanging off their asses. How fast could they run and how well could they fight if they’re having to hold up their pants the whole time?
August 29th, 2008 at 8:06 amYou want me to go away because I have an opinion about the comments of someone who I have watched drop comment bombs just to piss people off for as long as I have been here — someone who has been warned by Rachel to stop doing so, and rides the ragged edge or trollery by trying to bait people into a battle no matter how innocuous the subject matter?
Fine. As we said in the ’80s, “no prob”.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:34 amLily said it best:
Yes, yes, we’ve all seen the grotesquely fat in clothes that Sparrow so aptly described, but I second Lily: Most of the “muffin tops” I see are on young females who aren’t fat by any definition, but whose pants are too tight and too (top-of-the-pubic-bone) low.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:49 amCram it, Dam. She doesn’t “moderate” my blog for Pete’s sake. Nobody does that but me. She’s just one of the best commenters in the history of the sport and I’m lucky to have her.
As for the kickboxing going on in the rest of this thread, dayum people! You’re scaring me. I think we need a group hug.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:49 amDam & Instinct:
WTF, really. This is Rachel’s world, and Rachel seems to be JUST FINE with 14K’s contributions.
*Sorry for the redundancy, the previous entry wasn’t showing when I posted.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:55 amI’d like to nominate Mr. Colborne for the Chuck Norris Action Jeans Hidden Gusset Award for Excellence in Commenting (or whatever it’s called).
August 29th, 2008 at 8:59 amDisgruntled,
HELL NO! I don’t have children! But I’m forced to deal with other people’s children all the time.
MAYBE I should beat the crap out of the parent when I see a child acting like an ass at the mall. Bad parenting is ruining our country. Most parents should not have kids, given that they are not responsible to start with. Add that to the trend of wanting to be their child’s “friend” and you have a recipe for kids walking around with their pants around their ass acting like assholes.
Have you ever seen a kid who is a wanna be thug acting NOT like an asshole? I BLAME THE PARENTS.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:06 amDam, if 14k enjoys hanging around here and Rachel likes having her here (as most of the rest of us do), then what’s wrong with that?!?
Getting back on topic, I work in the main library at Manchester University and the number of girls who wear the kind of jeans where you can see half of their ass (or “arse” in Queen’s English) when they crouch down to put their books in their bag…
It’s disgusting! Disgusting, I tell you!
I can’t wait to get back to work on monday.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:13 amNow I know why 14k uses a weight for her nom de net.
Now, the slander slung at me is quite unjustified and untrue.
I did not accuse that gentleman of smothering his child. I said the opposite. But I’m sure that it does happen to many people whose children are found dead.
I’m not a pretend soldier. I’m not a soldier at all. I’m a Marine.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:13 amRachel, you have hit upon two of my most irritating pet peeves. I HATE gangsta chic. I hate everything about the gangsta lifestyle and anyone who emulates it.
When I see someone dressed gangsta it tells me everything I need to know about them: they are suckers and fools and dangerously stupid.
I jumped on my two nephews the other day because they were both wearing baseball caps that were too large with a flat bill. Doesn’t sound like much of anything, right - and I’m just a bitchy, uncool aunt? No. Oversized sports caps with a ridiculous flat bill are gangsta and shit-stupid. It’s bad enough that my nephews listen to that shit music, but they’re stupid if they think they can sneak a little gangsta chic past me and I wouldn’t notice.
They are baseball players and should know better. Speaking of which, you know what irritates the spit out of me? Professional baseball players who look gangsta. I want to punch Manny Ramirez in the junk, I don’t care what his fucking batting average is. He looks dirty and greasy and thuggish and I want to shave his smelly, matted hair that he can’t even fit under a batting helmet. Moron. Baseball players need to leave that gansta shit to the NBA. It has no place in America’s sport.
My teen son’s theory on gangsta chic - overlarge jerseys, multiple layers, and sagging pants - is that it is for tiny boys/men trying to look large. He saw that boys were wearing three layers of knee-high socks with huge, untied high-tops under denim shorts that sagged to mid-calf - all under three layers of jerseys and hoodies. They looked bulky - uncomfortably so. But when they had to change into gym uniform, they turned out to be scrawny, bony little shits. Heh.
Do the young women with muffin tops have no one in their lives who loves them? No one to tell them they look terrible before they leave the house? Do they not have mirrors? What the fuck is wrong with them?
I haven’t finished my coffee, so I’m a little grouchier than usual…
August 29th, 2008 at 9:31 amIt could be worse, Rachel.
The guy could have had tight Wranglers pulled up to damn near his chest, exposing his Manmel-Toe.
When I see people dressed like the kid you mention, I very politely go up to them and tell them, as if they had no idea, that their pants are falling down and maybe they should wear a belt.
And I know plenty of heavier women who wear clothes that fit appropriately, and I actually consider them quite attractive, because they don’t dress like sluts.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:31 amGet a grip, people! Sunny’s just yawning.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:35 amI too think 14K should get her own blog. But that does not mean she should stop commenting here. I think a 14K blog would be AWESOME.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:49 amWhen I was a kid we used to pull our shorts way down so our naked ass cheeks were on our bike seats while riding sitting down but we would wear long enough shirts to cover that fact. When cars would approach from behind I would signal all of my friends to stand up and pedal. The result (funny as hell at the time) was a line of 4-10 kids mooning people in cars while riding bikes.
And yeah, the free candy thing worked every time. I am a capitalist at the core. You make a deal, you fucking make good on it. If ya didn’t like it, negotiate better the next time. Like, “Let me drive the van to Ginny’s house this time. She can’t wait to hang out with us!” Damn good deal, really. A ten year old driving and living like a Roman senator? Sheesh. Only a twelve pack of Old Milwaukee could make that any better. And yes, movies about Roman gladiators are awesome.
It is probably hard to discern from this fucked up perverted comment, but my point is that wearing your clothes a certain way definitely sends a message. Back then, it was just stupid funny for ten year olds to do that. Today it could open a fucked up extremely lucrative pedobrothel, I guess. Born before my time. I could be rich, I tell ya.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:57 amAnd just because I’m feeling particularly mean…
That ain’t a muffin-top. This is a muffin-top right here.
Yer welcome.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:03 amRedhead Infidel, I wish you had a blog. I would read it.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:08 amWhat can I say, oh yeah:
I warned you!
I said these kids dress like ‘tards but don’t have the excuse that the truly ’special’ kids do. Do I lie? Nope.
Oh and you can add to the ever lengthening list of assholery, people who are ever so keen do pass out parenting advice who DON’T HAVE ANY CHILDREN! If you don’t have any you don’t have any idea how to raise them so…
seal the pie hole.
HEY! Three-day weekend comin’ up. w00t!
August 29th, 2008 at 10:18 amI’ve got to chime in on the evils of low-waisted pants. Buying new pants has got to be one of the top 5 things I Hate About Being A Woman. I strongly dislike it when my pants gape in the back and show my underwear when I sit down. Nobody wants to see that, and I don’t like the draft.
When I was pregnant it was the height of fashionableness to show as much skin between the pubic bone and the rib cage as possible. I preferred maternity clothes to that crap.
People sometimes would ask me when I was pregnant if I wanted a boy or a girl and I always said I wanted a boy. When they’d ask me why (for some reason most were surprised, as if it were somehow more rational to want a daughter) I’d tell them to look at the state of women’s fashion. That says it all. While there are definitely stupid things about men’s fashions - like the moronic pants held up by a belt around the upper thighs that Rachel mentions - I think women’s clothing is far worse.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:20 amI do feel old (and I’m only 30!) when I see clothing styles and shake my head thinking “what are those kids thinking?” I’m sure 30 year olds were thinking that about me when I wore the sheer blouse over a tanktop with tight leggings.
Amelia…I’m SO with you on that. I either get the stupid old lady pants that go up to the top of my boobs or those butt crack jeans that leave nothing to the imagination. Stupid designers.
Okay…I’m waiting for your views on Sarah Palin. I’m pretty jazzed.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:25 amI bet Sarah Palin wouldn’t hesitate to tell these kids to pull their effing pants up!
WOOOHOOOO!
August 29th, 2008 at 10:32 amTotally off topic, but … I agree, Junior!
Me too.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:32 amgoddammit Redhead! But I love the look on her face like “Help! Get these off! I can’t breathe!”
1) Disgruntled: please don’t ever use “donkey punch” and “my child” in the same sentence ever again. Talk about getting the social workers involved, yeesh.
2) I also have wondered on many occasions why the lovely 14K (stop being a fucking ass, Skyler, it was 14,000 as in a number, until we changed the K to karat, and you know this) didn’t have her own blog, but that was because it would be, dare I saw, as awesome as Rachel Lucas’ blog. And then I would have two super awesome blogs to read.
3) Dam and Instinct: you must be new here, so I’ll forgive you. Otherwise you two can just fuck right the hell off.
4) I must have missed the SIDS post.
5) shit. Echoing asscrack. awesome some some some…
August 29th, 2008 at 10:39 ammaya,
I believe Rachel removed it (I can’t find it anymore), and all subsequent comments referencing it, because it was off topic, slanderous and inflammatory. It was really hateful, and it really upset a nice man who had lost his daughter to SIDS.
I don’t have my own blog because I am cheap. And lazy. And it could never even approach the awesomeness factor found here.
Maybe after I finish my masters …
Gangasta wear. Heh!
When I went back to look for that comment, I found this from Para (posted May 21st, 2008) :
How is that going for you? I forgot all about it.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:45 amI hope you were able to kick the habit!
14k,
Those ‘gang-stars’ are really rollin’it Orange County Style
boyeeee!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:31 amHell, I just want her to do a blog because she is too damn funny is all. I don’t want her to go away.
I just figure if she had her own blog then I could get double doses of her awesomeness.
Cheap and lazy I understand, but you are already on the awesome charts
August 29th, 2008 at 11:37 amA suggestion for the public display of unsightly body parts.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:43 amA tough day to be a commenter here…whoa!
Rachel: You are the awesome, and I wish YOU were McCain’s VP choice…guns for all, dogs and cats living together, not an O-possum to be found.
Back on topic, kinda: I have four awesome, fully grown and normally disfuctional adult spawn. Love them all, regardless of their acknowledged faults, BUT… Just because you may not have any kids yourself, does not exclude you from having a valid opinion on raising them (it is just not as fully informed as that held by those of us with the wrinkles/grey-hairs/sleepless nights/lighter wallets).
My 21yr-old boy still dresses with a touch of the gangsta, with my aged biker-ass razzing him frequently, but at least with the pants so low, his head can pop out of his own ass occasionally. He is starting to figure many of lifes truths on his own and/or acknowleding some of the ones fired his way by well-meaning parents and family.
Patience, perseverance, sense of humor, purse strings, unconditional love and a healthy dose of “don’t f’ with me junior” attitude, combined with listening to their BS reasoning, works wonders…OK, having kids doesn’t automatically mean that you know jack-shit either.
Sorry for the rambling and disjointed comment.
Now everyone, PLEASE, take an f’in pill, enjoy the long weekend and return next week ready to play nice again…this should be such a happy place, where Rachel is the one hating and ranting as we all worship her undeniable wit and wisdom.
(PS: Good luck with school)
August 29th, 2008 at 11:53 amHow sad is it that I absolutely love to tell the teenage boys I volunteer with to PULLYOURPANTSUPISHOULDNEVERSEEYOURUNDERWEAR in the loudest voice possible? And I don’t just save it for them, my brother’s friends are victims of my “guidance” as well.
And woe on the poor teenage girl who wandered into my mom’s house inappropriately dressed. I’ll attribute boys’ fashion to sheer stupidity - girls’ fashion I attribute to lack of self-respect.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:54 amFirst of all, this:
is why I love Dogette above all others on the entire internet. And only she, I, and 14Karat know why but that doesn’t matter.
As for the SIDS “debate”, nope not removed, here it is, or rather the comment thread to that post.
Also Maya you’re correct but you didn’t go far enough; if 14K had a blog it would be better than mine and that’s just a law of physics.
And Redhead, that pic you linked is just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Deliciously wrong.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:57 amRE: the dust tape shirt on the female: I guess I’m surprised the duct tape could show her curves that way. Also, Ew. Saran wrap against my skin? yuck.
Also, thanks for the link to SIDS thread. I remember the post, but I must not have followed the comments.
Also too, quick! who was saying they can never find good jeans: the add on the top is for custom denim jeans.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:08 pmYour ideas on children make me pray you are never going to breed.
As for parents, I agree, I am not nor will I be my childs friend, at least not until he can buy the scotch. He has parents, not friends.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:30 pmI’m sorry I forgot to add my sarcasm disclaimer, perhaps if you had read the post you would know I thought it would be a BAD idea, as in not going to happen.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pmDid I quote that correctly? Anyhoo, I second the nomination. That quote about Klingon gang signs has already gone viral to all of my buddies.
Rachel, congrats on going back to school! I’m just starting my Master’s directly after finishing my Bachelor’s. (It’s funny, I was the oldest guy (35) in most of my classes before; now I’m the youngest again.) Good luck!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:46 pmOff-topic but somewhat appropriate: In the center of the intersection down the street from my house is a dead ‘possum. I mean in the exact CENTER. To me, that says that someone had to leave their lane to get it. It seems that ‘possums are universally despised.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pmDisgruntled,
Worry not, I’ll never have children.
I hate them, but mostly because their parent raise them to be awful little people.
If I was a parent,though, I would never have to beat the shit out of my child, because form day one, I would teach them why dressing like a thug is going to result in some serious over-the top violence from me. Yes, I would love my child enough to nearly beat them to death.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:05 pmIt was an odd experience. I was just driving down the road in a car with no one riding in it by myself. Then I saw a young man walking down the road wearing his pants halfway down his ass.
And I heard my father’s voice.
It said, “Why don’t you pull up your damn pants?”
I actually looked around for Dad.
It must have been me, but I SWEAR it was his voice.
Lamont
August 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pmOooh, oooh! I just remembered another one.
I was at a party one time, and one of the guests had brought her teenage son. He was wearing his pants low on his hips with his boxers showing about 2 inches. But his pants were belted tightly around his hips.
I mentioned, politely, that I had never seen a belt with that look before, and he blushed, muttered, and turned away.
His mom burts into peals of laughter and said, “You only have to jerk a teenaged boy’s pants down around his ankles in the food court TWICE before he will start wearing a belt.”
Lamont
August 29th, 2008 at 1:29 pmMaya, I didn’t know that 14karat started as 14000 and I don’t really care. She likes to change discussions about issues into personal attacks on me.
But whether she likes me or not is irrelevent. Boys with pants down are not cool. Girls who flaunt flabby bodies are not cool. I’ve no idea why she takes those observations so personally. We’ve never met.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:05 pmI’m so glad you brought this subject up. I used to intern at an NPR station in Detroit and I’ll occasionally visit their daily talk show blog. A few weeks ago they had a segment about how the authorities in Flint, MI were trying to ban people from wearing their pants in such a fashion. The ACLU has gotten involved and is defending the right of wannabe gangstas to look like prison bitches.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:00 pmSo some fuckin’ joker writes to the blog and says that the law is another “assault on the dignity of black males”(?). I replied and first pointed out that his statement was racist because he was suggesting that only black males wore their pants that way. I added the very calculated statement that he “should get some diversity into his life”. Of course, I asked him how wearing your pants below your ass is dignified. I also pointed out that I thought the law was a waste of taxpayer money and that if I were a supporter of the ACLU I would cease to be because they were fighting such a ludicrous battle.
He replied by calling me a racist and claimed that my “pedestrian views were lethal”(?). He also told me I shouldn’t share that view with black males because I might find their reaction “uncomfortable”. We went back and forth a couple of times and each time I asked him to please explain how wearing your pants that way was dignified and he would refuse to answer the question.
I knew I had the guy and he would never address the question because he knew his statement was ridiculous. I also told him that his race baiting tactics were akin to Al Sharpton’s and he took that as a compliment?
I’m still so blown away how someone could make a statement such as his and take it seriously.
On a related note, I was driving through a Detroit neighborhood a couple of summers ago and saw a kid of about 5 or 6 years old playing with a garden hose and he was wearing his bathing suit like that. That’s right, his bare ass was hanging out of his bathing suit. When I was a kid you would’ve been picked on mercilessly for doing something like that.
OK, Rachel — vom time! Frank already gets on me about my horrid eating habits! You’re not helping the situation with all this talk about fat hanging over pants! EWWWWWW! (BTW he texted me that he’s making chicken cordon bleu, grilled asparagus and mashed potatoes, which he usually does with bleu cheese. I’m jealous.
Horribly so. I had corn. It was the only thing I could make without any effort.)
BTW - I saw two lesbians in a diner. One of them was 5 feet tall (and about the same around) with a crew cut and wearing a yarmulke that was embroidered with “Obama 2008.” Yes, a Jewish beenie. Holy hell, Batman!
August 29th, 2008 at 6:42 pmNothing says, “Prison Bitch” like a pair of pants that don’t even need to be moved out of the way.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:49 pmWayneB:
I just died and went to comment heaven.
I nominate you for the Hidden Gusset award of the decade!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:34 pmHi, I’m a newbie and just wanted to say love your blog. Really made me laugh. Thanks. I’ll be back
August 30th, 2008 at 12:09 pmEllen
That muffin-top makes me head straight towards my vomitarium. Send that brainless girl straight to the gym and a diet!
August 30th, 2008 at 1:45 pmI’m just seeing if I’m doing this html thingy right…
Sarah Palin
August 30th, 2008 at 10:40 pmone more try on this this html thingy…
http://img337.imageshack.us/my.php?image=go1obnwqryyv3.jpg
August 30th, 2008 at 10:43 pmLow-slung pants = Generation “Y”
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:39 pm(Y)