October 18, 2004
Introduction
Looking for a quick, inexpensive way to do something disgusting, hateful, and downright evil? I have the perfect suggestion: Install unattractive wallpaper directly to unprimed drywall. Go ahead, indulge your unmatched misanthropy!
The Torture Begins
The cruelty of this deed will be truly insurpassable, and you'll have the pleasure of knowing that, years from now, your act will cause some innocent, decent, kind homeowner hours and hours of unmitigated, merciless, apocalyptic misery. This poor soul, the future owner of your house, will curse you and spit on your family name. She will feel so spectacularly abused by your belligerent deed that she'll pray you have a chronic groin rash.
Scraping, Ripping, Crying
Scraping, ripping, spraying, scraping some more, realizing half the goddamn drywall is coming off with the hideous wallpaper, crying uncontrollably - this will be her lot during days and days of toil. Just think of the pain you can cause! So much pain for her through so little effort for you! All you have to do is walk up to your unprimed, unfinished, unpainted freaking drywall and slap some fugly wallpaper on it. Walk away. Then sell your house to someone with some taste and laugh all the way to hell. You sick bastard.
A Satanic Soul
So I'm telling you. Want to have a black, black, pitch-black soul of Satanic essence? Just do what I say and apply ugly, stupid-looking wallpaper to a surface that ANYONE WITH THE INTELLIGENCE OF A SEWER RAT (or Google) could tell you is the WRONG DAMN SURFACE ON WHICH TO HANG WALLPAPER, MORON. You'll be amazed at how much this simple weekend project will make someone, someday, loathe your very existence. Really, I'm just trying to help.
Indulge Yourself
Feeling sociopathic? Want to do something downright inhumane but don't want to go to jail? Looking for ways, through home decorating, to express the side of yourself that's ruled by pure, galling, blackhole-like malice? Then there you go. Indulge yourself. Wallpaper unprimed drywall and call it a day. Good for you and have fun in hell.
Personal Triumph
(P.S. My kitchen looks really good now despite the rude wallpapering behavior of the first homeowners, those jerks. But I stuck with it because I rilly rilly wanted red walls instead of vomitous brown and tan speckly wallpaper from 1984. Refrain from emailing to ask me how I did it - just Google like I did. Eye of the tiger, baby. Eye of the tiger.)
Conclusion
Wallpaper may seem harmless, but when used on unprimed drywall, it can become the master tool of Satan. While this article emphasizes the negative impact, it is always advisable to research proper techniques and materials before embarking on any home improvement project. Remember, your choices can have lasting consequences for future homeowners.
When it comes to choosing the right ambiance for your living space, hotels offer a variety of options. Whether you prefer sleek modern designs or romantic vintage styles, hotels provide inspiration for your home decor choices. Just remember to choose wallpapers wisely, ensuring they are applied on the appropriate surfaces.