How about 8 things he hates about you?
Dr. Helen links to this Men’s Health magazine article with grim detestation, and I can see why. It’s called “8 Things She Hates About You — Don’t know why she’s angry? Now you do…”
The author, Lisa Jones, says her boyfriend never knows why she’s mad so she is forced to give him the silent treatment until he figures it out. Hoping she can save other morons, I mean men, from bumbling through life having no clue why their woman is acting like a stone-cold bitch, she lists by number things men “tend to do” that women “tend to find annoying,” such as:
-You stop trying
-You ask how much our new haircut or handbag costs
-You talk to us as if we’re one of the guys
I’m not even going to blockquote it; you really gotta read it to get the full punch. I’m just going to write a helpful very-slightly-altered version to balance out the evil karma resulting every time one of these articles is published. I’m compelled to go after other women like this for one primary reason: they embarrass me and bring shame upon my gender with their superficial double standards. Someone’s gotta fight back and guys can’t do it lest they be accused of piggery and sexism.
Let’s see this published in a major women’s magazine (please note that all I did was change gender pronouns and some material nouns, and slightly tweaked the situations; the snotty, condescending, and borderline hostile tone is straight from the original, as is 95% of the text itself - I’ll probably get sued for copyright infringement):
……
8 Things He Hates About You by Larry Jones
Don’t know why he’s angry? Now you do…
Most of the time my girlfriend has no idea of what sets me off. Which is why I’ve prepared this handy inventory of things women tend to do that we tend to find annoying. If you study up, you’ll be able to stop repelling the men you want to meet — or aggravating the one you have. And we men can continue not telling you why we’re mad, because we’ll figure, “Hey, she should know already!” Besides, who said this would be fair?
Annoyance #1
You leave your crap at our place.
Actually, we really don’t mind if you leave a few things around. A clean pair of panties here or a spare toothbrush there — no problem. But when we start seeing pieces of you (literally) all over the place, we tend to go off. Like when we find your pubes in the razor we shave our face with, or smelly bottles of nail polish on the nightstand, or nasty strands of your hair all over our pillow. Please clean that up before we see it and want to gag. And then we’ll promise to be better about leaving beer bottles on your kitchen counter. Do we have a deal?
Annoyance #2
You expect us to buy you expensive gifts such as jewelry…
…yet conveniently you never buy us anything. Until we’re sharing a bank account with you, we’re not all that interested in your opinions on how we should or should not spend our money. And if we are sharing a bank account, here’s something you should know: Reminding us when we’re in the throes of post-big-screen-TV-buying bliss that we just blew all our disposable income for the month is not going to endear you to us. The perfect girlfriend response: “Wow, [awesome/sweet/bad-ass] new [electronic/mechanical/tool item]. I guess dinner is on me tonight!” Then wait a few days to bring up your financial concerns, by proposing we both start saving for something we want to buy together.
Annoyance #3
You talk to us as if we’re one of the girls.
If you have any romantic inclinations toward us, please don’t call us “Shnookums” or “Cuddlebear”. Otherwise we’ll assume we’ve already been relegated to infant status and start thinking of you that way, too. Also, you’ll rarely find us holding entire conversations in Desperate Housewives or Sex and the City quotes. Similarly, we don’t talk in numbers the same way women tend to. We’re happy to see evidence of your improvements at the gym, but we really don’t need to know how many fractions of a pound you need to lose before your sister’s wedding. We also couldn’t care less about your designer handbag, that sale at Macy’s, or the number of calories in a tuna salad. And fantasy-wedding-dress anything will make us flirt hard with the waitress. No, the conversation doesn’t have to be all about us, but we do want you to shoot for topics of mutual interest.
Annoyance #4
You speak of the future too soon.
Women seem to have perfected a special way of talking about the future that makes it clear they expect us to be a part of it whether we like it or not. Or maybe you don’t know you’re doing this? For instance, you frequently mention your sister’s wedding in another state 6 months from now and you’re already planning how ours will be better. Or we have a monthlong international business trip coming up and you insist on coming for a weekend visit even though we’ll be too busy to spend time with you. If you picture us in your future, try not talking about these things in such a way that we won’t stick around for it.
Annoyance #5
You stop trying.
You have us as your husband or boyfriend. We’re committed to the situation, and all is good. But pretty soon you stop trying to impress us — and we don’t like that. “Now that we’re married, she never tries to ‘be sexy’ anymore,” says one friend. “If she wants to come on to me, she needs to ditch her gross hair scrunchy and sweatpants and make an effort. Otherwise she ain’t getting any. Also, there are no blow jobs and it’s more routine, which I hate. After 7 years, a woman’s got to bust some new moves.” Or at least bring back a few of the retired ones that used to work. Like simply bringing home a pizza, a bottle of whiskey, and some silence when we’ve had a bad day. Bring back the sex and silence. We want the sex and silence!
Annoyance #6
You blatantly look at gossip sites.
We don’t care that you know every detail of Britney’s tragic life, and we can’t change the fact that you might occasionally browse the fine and varied selection of paparazzi sites on the Internet. But if you’re looking at gossip blogs on a computer we also use, kindly delete your history. We don’t want PerezHilton.com to pop up every time we want to do some porn surfing or, worse, when my buddy Jake is over and a gay man at a fashion gala appears as we’re showing Jake something online.
Annoyance #7
You turn down sex.
When it so happens that we’re the one who wants sex and you’re the one who doesn’t, we find your refusal to be confusing and irritating. Reassure us that we’re attractive and that you love us, but that you just aren’t in the mood. It helps to throw out a hint at what’s going on — that you’re tired, depressed, anxious at work, whatever, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a Boston-area psychologist. That way we won’t obsess or be too pouty or aggressive. If we happen to be fresh off a boys’ night out liquored up and ready for sex, which you’re refusing, tread extra carefully. Horny can change to emotional, crying wreckage very quickly when your man has a couple of shots of Wild Turkey in him.
Annoyance #8
You talk too much.
That’s why we ask you out via text. Texting is fast and easy and leads to sexy banter — and saves us a lot of time hearing about your cat’s latest shenigans when all we want to know is if you’ll have dinner. Calling a woman to ask her out may be more personal, we suppose. It takes more effort (and balls) to risk being stuck on the phone listening to your latest office gossip, which is exactly what you find so sexy about our doing it. Okay, it’s an unfair burden for us, but since when has that mattered? “So many women are conditioned to freely talk at great length about whatever they hell they want that it has created a serious time-management crisis for men,” says Kristina Grish, author of The Joy of Text: Mating, Dating, and How Not To Be an Insufferable Princess.
…
There. I believe I have restored a tiny bit of balance to the universe. You know, honestly, I read articles like the one I’m mocking and I sincerely do not understand why men even bother trying half the time. If there are as many women out there cheering in agreement to that kind of article as I think there are (you go, girl! tell those dumb men how it’s gonna BE!), all I gotta say is it’s a very fortunate thing that men have such intense sex drives and therefore are willing to put up with so much shit just to get some, thus continuing the existence of our species.
On behalf of the entire male gender, let me say this:
Rachel, if you did not exist, we would have to invent you.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:53 pmSOME men have such intense sex drives and therefore are willing to put up with so much shit just to get some. Personally, if I gotta beg and plead for it, it ain’t worth it.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pmRachel, you’re brilliant.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pmYou are really that good, slight tweeking and you just turned it into gold!
May 8th, 2008 at 3:55 pmYeah, although we would like a clue to that” silent treatment you should be able to read her mind” stuff that women pull, and we really do want you gals to be happy with us, sometimes we really don’t give a rat’s ass.Jump that chasm sometime, we promise we’ll catch you if you fall.
She gives him the silent treatment and hope he figures out why she’s pissed? Damn that’s cold. I feel sorry for anyone dating that moody bitch.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:57 pmHubster only gets the silent treatment when I am so pissed that I know I cannot be rational. He also knows that when I am ready to calmly and rationally talk to him like a human, I will do so to tell him why I am angry (sometimes it has nothing to do with him at all). It’s called communication - she should try it sometime.
Ethne, I agree to a point. Communication is fine when both parties are involved, but when most communication consists of the distaff half informing the male half that he is an insensitive, unfeeling clod, and informing him of this at a volume that has the airport calling the house and asking us to hold it down, well, let’s just say that not a whole lot gets resolved.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:01 pmI was reading another Dr. Helen article today … guy asking what the hell all this “push present” thing is all about.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:01 pmHave they managed to slip something really sinister into Midol lately?
Loved the article Rachl Lukis!
I’ll always trust as golden any advice that tells you how to know what your “other’s” thoughts and motivations are that don’t involve, you know, talking to them.
The whole damn thing can be summed up with, engage in honest conversation, about everything. It would also lack the pretentious arrogant nature. That boyfriend is to be commended for knowing something is wrong, and inquiring after it. That woman, the author, is admitting her own idiocy for allowing the pointless and trite to stew to anger and annoyance. Honestly, what is wrong with out right saying “I know it is petty, and my problem not yours, but I’m angry with you right now for ___________” instead of giving the silent treatment for hours or days, punishing us.
Hell from what I read of her writing, those will be some of her boyfriends happiest calmest hours. Honestly, how hard is adult conversation?
May 8th, 2008 at 4:04 pmA few more, if’n you don’t mind.
9. You say that you’re old and not sexy anymore. We tell you that you are still beautiful.
You dismiss this gracious and loving effort with “No I’m not.”
Okay, then. If you’re not going to at least acknowledge that we love you and find you attractive, then shut your tooth locker. What’s the point of your moaning?
10. You say that your ass is fat. We agree (”Yes, it is taking on the horizontal dimensions of a freighter.”) because you have accused us of not agreeing with you. Now you’re angry that we agreed with you.
Make up you mind or shut your noodle sucker about your nether regions.
Just wear baggier pants, Fatty.
11. We’re trying to make the housework load equitable—in part by doing the dishes. You stand over us, and yammer about how we are “not stacking the plates the way they are supposed to be stacked,” or that “You are supposed to put the utensils in with their bottom end down.”
Oh, iz zat so?!
When did you first start thinking that we need a bloody supervisor?
Where is the rule book that says how dishes are “supposed” to be loaded?
You’re making this shit up, aren’t you?
You really DON’T want us to do MORE because if we DID you’d have less to whine about, you fatassed ugly old bag.
12. You get upset because we can go weeks without sex—from you—because now we have a motorcycle.
Then you get upset when we want sex.
“Hey, how about a little two-backed beast action, heh heh?”
“Don’t badger me about sex. What are you, some kinda maniac?”
Hey, tell your snatch to make up it’s little mind, wouldja?
You and your girls have a meeting and decide what you want, and when you want it.
Till then, I’m going to Britts and hang out with the guys.
http://www.brittmotorsports.com/
May 8th, 2008 at 4:14 pmI’m going to go out on a limb here and say that, if I was going out with that she-bitch, the first thing I would do is talk fantasy football, speak only in Simpsons quotes, and just be the nastiest, boorish asshole that I could be… and, believe me, it doesn’t take much effort for me to transform into SuperMegaDorkyAss. Oh yes. Hell, I actually got called an “asshole” by a MILF at a college basketball game in Boise once due to some immature asshattery on my part… and she was just sitting behind me, basking in the glow of my superior contemptibleness. Imagine if she was actually the target of it…
(Oh, and my team won by 12.)
EDIT: Some of the real gold is in their comments, like this one:
Glad to see Glenn is trolling the Internet, standing up to the asstards.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:15 pmThat is spot on! I read that same article this morning and couldn’t believe how that made us sound. Blech!
May 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pmMy wife started to go off on me one day for some percieved slight and I stared directly at her and replied -
“Cause I ain’t a fucking mind-reader, why would you think that I am?”
It’s been years since we had that converstion. I like to think she finally clued into the male psyche that day.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:22 pmThe author, Lisa Jones, says her boyfriend never knows why she’s mad so she is forced to give him the silent treatment until he figures it out.
If she thinks her boyfriend can somehow read her mind, she’s an idiot. Any self-respecting man who can read minds wouldn’t be using that ability to figure out why his girlfriend is mad. No, he’d be cleaning up at the poker tables in Vegas!
May 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pmI hate to admit it, but a while back I read Laura Schlesiger’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” Let me tell you, that book really knocked some sense into me. Even going into the reading, I thought my marriage was pretty good, but I believe there is ALWAYS something we can do better. Even if you think you don’t need it or don’t like Dr. Laura, take a look at it. Also, this gal says that talking to us like one of the guys is a bad thing? On what planet? Hell, I LOVE to be talked to like one of the guys. Personally, to me it means I’m accepted as an equal and not some high maintenance bitch.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pmHopefuly Lisa Jones is supermodel-gorgeous (admittedly a depreciating asset), because that’s one butt-ugly personality coming through her writing, and she’d need incredible looks to compensate.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:30 pmHow do we deal with #4? One of the things my ex-girlfriend didn’t like was that I saw marriage as less of a goal in life, and more as a stage in life. I’ve encountered other women who see marriage and kids as a goal. And I know guys do want to get married, but only after they’ve found the right girl, Nor do they plan the big day out many relationships in advance, only filling in the name and face once they’ve secured a mate. So what’s the middle ground/compromise on this issue?
May 8th, 2008 at 4:36 pmLove the post, Rachel.
Wow. This is the kind of thing that makes me appreciate my wife even more than I already do. She’s very blunt, very straightforward, and doesn’t feel any need to play games like this. She also doesn’t talk unless she has something to say that is relevant. We sometimes go for hours without saying anything.
I can also say that I don’t think any of my female friends are like this either. So based on that, I’d say that there is hope for the human race.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:42 pmI may not speak for guydom here, but this one annoys me, no matter which gender says it.
What was once an instant erection—drunken female at my disposal—is now a flaccidating thought. Goes well with my theory that from the ages of 15 to 55+ sex gradually shifts from between the legs to between the ears.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:44 pmGod I hate that.
Ladies, why oh why do you do this? Did some great-grandma sit you down and give you a “talk”? “Oh, don’t ever tell them what they did. It drives’em crazy!”
I think that whenever a wife/girlfriend ever utters the phrase “If you don’t know I’m not gonna tell you,” the man should roar back, “Fine, then don’t be surprised when this shit happens again!”
Then don’t invite us over there. Seems simple enough to me. We men quite happy having sex with you at OUR place, rather than yours.
Stop buying million-dollar handbags and haircuts and we’ll stop asking how much they cost.
Okay….why is this a problem exactly? I get that women want us to be romantic and sensitive and blah blah, but if we’re in a committed relationship, why is it a problem that we talk to you in a way that we would normally reserve only for our closest of friends?
Maybe you speak of it too specifically. Ever think of that, sugar-tits?
So what? You do the same thing. Once you move in it’s out with the sexy lingerie and in with the sweats and hair curlers.
Then you should be naked more often.
Shazam. Problem solved.
LOL
As if you have any room to complain about that.
Okay, fine. We’ll stop doing that if you stop going on about your stupid cat all through dinner.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:48 pmWhen you said “between the ears” I was thinking about something totally different for a minute. : )
May 8th, 2008 at 4:54 pmI recently ran into a quote (in a checkout line magazine - imagine how bored I must have been!) of advice from men to women : “Hinting is not a form of communication”
Lisa needs to have this branded on her rear, so that she will see it every time she goes to jam her head up her ass.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:55 pmIf we happen to be fresh off a girls’ night out liquored up and ready for sex, which you’re refusing, tread extra carefully. Horny can change to emotional, crying wreckage very quickly when your girl has a couple of glasses of Prosecco in her.
Dear Lisa: Please try to shoot for consistency of message with the rest of your gender, here. (Actually, if you could tell some of them to be consistent with themselves on this point, that would also be good, ‘kay?)
See, some of y’all have been making the point to us weak and feeble-brained men that not only can paralytically drunk women not consent to sex - which, really, all of us but a few vermin already knew - but that basically even the tiniest sniff of alcohol totally sucks out the female brain in this area. And lawyers being kind of expensive, there’ll be no post-night-out sex without a BAC and a signed permission slip.
Thanks.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:11 pmSir, please turn in your male member and your man-card on the way out the door. Apparently you won’t be needing them any more.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:36 pmWell when I get the “nothing wrong” or “I am not telling you” bit I always think the correct response is “ok no problem here” and go on about my business. Then I point out when the blow up happens that you said it was not my problem. If I am really pissed I can point out how the five pounds you put on really makes you look more womanly.
cheers
May 8th, 2008 at 5:37 pmI read an article like this every once in a while and I’m constantly amazed that the date of the article isn’t April 1st. Seriously, what kind of retarded, close-minded social circle do these types of people (I’ve read some winners by “men” too) live in?
May 8th, 2008 at 6:18 pmAhhahaAhaha.. Nice spoof.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:28 pmWait, did someone get kickbanned? From the colors it looks like all the posts shifted up.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:37 pmHas anyone here seen my Lance?
I’m afraid he’s found another hiding place. Or refuge.
And what is this vile conversation you’re having?
And who is the harlot in the header?
He’s going to pay for this…
May 8th, 2008 at 7:22 pmRe: Carbo & Drunken Debauchery
Carbo, I’m actually going to semi-agree with you on this, and I’m only 27. It depends a lot on the context. It’s one thing if you and the girl are on good terms, she came back from a night out on the town, and she’s rearin’ to go with a little ethanol in her belly - that I would have no problem with, as long as she’s not coming in at 3 in the morning and I have to go to work afterwards. Of course, if she’s sloppy drunk and ready to puke, well, that’s a whole ‘nother issue right there…
On the other hand, if it’s this psychotic bitch, well, you two probably aren’t on good terms - she probably went out with the girls because you both had a fight and she felt like spending the night bitching about how you couldn’t read her mind to her friends. If she comes home all drunk and snuggly after that, uh… no. Sorry, but I’m rather stubborn on that - I don’t do make-up sex until, well, we have made up.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:45 pmThat article was in Men’s Health? Normal guys, the ones she is presumably trying to impact, don’t read that magazine, unless there is nothing else they haven’t read yet at the doctor’s office or barbershop.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pmIn all fairness, I actually HAVE seen women’s magazines run similar degrading/dumb how-you-turn-him-off lists, especially Cosmopolitan.
That silent treatment thing is pure and simple women not understanding that men don’t communicate like women tend to. Coming right out and saying “You did X or Y and I’m pissed about that” at a female friend without giving her a chance to figure it out on her own would be rude to a lot of women.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:13 pmI don’t even know what Prosecco is, but assuming it is equivalent to whiskey, a similar situation resulted in a very fine son. (Too bad he has a serious girlfriend, Rachel, or I would try to introduce the two of you. Funny, but I believe all of them resulted from memorable occasions – and yes, we do remember it when it’s memorable, even after 25 years.) Guys, if you can’t cash in on this kind of situation, you’re wasting your time and effort carrying those dangly bits around.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:19 pmI kinda like the silent treatment once in a while; especially when I need to retreat to my virtual cave in order to sort out the universe and stuff.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:22 pmWow. Just…wow. I so do not identify with that…*bites lips*.
Men can’t read our minds. Anyone who thinks that they can is an idiot. We think differently and what may make us mad is completely under the radar for them. If there’s a problem communicate.
I’m another female that doesn’t talk a lot unless I have something to say. If my husband is uncomfortable with the silence he simply asks what’s going on in the world today. Or he says he’s gonna vote for Obama.
I also don’t care if he goes out with the boys, if he wants to spend some time with his buddies fishing,
Most of my friends are male or atypical females like myself.
I like men. Real men, ala’ John Wayne. I have no patience for metrosexuals or wussified yuppies, as my ex can tell you. My husband can hunt, fish, fix anything that’s broken around the house and grill some yummy meals. He treats me like both a princess and his best friend. He’s a jewel and I try to make sure I let him know in some way every day.
Are there things he does that drive me nuts? Well, yeah. So? He doesn’t put the DVDs back in the case. And…well, he doesn’t put the DVDs back in the case.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:47 pmI have a simple rule in regards to the silent treatment. I’m not stupid - I know when I’m getting it so I’ll just ask - “What’s wrong?” If the answer is “Nothing”, well, then, it’s fucking nothing. End of story.
Seriously guys - Do that once or twice and the problem will be solved. We communicate just fine now.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:55 pmFor years I’ve noticed that when women get married and have a couple of kids, about the time they hit their mid-30s they often tend to cut their hair real short, almost like a mannish style. It’s like they’re saying, “I don’t have to worry about attracting a man anymore.” I have to wonder what their husbands think about that.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:04 pmI gotta be honest, I’m more of the self-control type when it comes to porn (not a huge fan), so I never looked at it during my last and only relationship. But of course, my girlfriend was the frisky one and I was more laid back about it all.
Ironically, that was one of the few successful parts of our relationship. She pretty much fit every other grievance described.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:19 pmRachel,
I recently found your site by accident, and it’s nice to see a woman who’s not TOTALLY CLUELESS! Seriously though, women like you are so rare that gold is as plentiful as sand on a beach in comparison. Meeting a woman who has a clue would be harder than winning the lottery; the odds are certainly that long!
Between this piece, “Her Husband is a Lucky Man” and others like them (they’re so NUMEROUS now; every day, it seems like another one is written!), I really, truly have no desire to get into a relationshit with a woman-none! No, that isn’t a misspelling, either; I spelled the ‘R’ word the way I did deliberately. Sorry, but: 1) I’m a human being, and I deserve better treatment than Lisa Jones’ boyfriend receives; 2) I have better things to do with my time, such as enjoy my motorcycles; 3) if I had a woman who pulled the same shit Lisa Jones does on her man, then she wouldn’t be my woman for long-next!
Rachel, though I appreciate you voicing sentiments we men agree with, I’m afraid a vast majority of women are like this; the vast majority of women may as well be CLONES of Lisa Jones! Their actions and pronouncements certainly lead me to believe that. Between guys I know, my experiences, and personally observing women I’ve known and worked with, from where I sit, the VAST MAJORITY of women are like this.
If there is more than an infinitesimal minority of women who disagree with this crap, then they need to SPEAK UP! If good, sane women do not speak up, then we men will assume that they ARE ‘like that’. Sorry, but that’s how it is; that’s how WE MEN see it.
Let me put it another way. Remember how, in the wake of September 11th, 2001, there were a few Muslims condemned the suspected terrorists, but there weren’t many who did? Do you remember how our fellow Americans reacted to this? Many Americans decided that a vast majority of Muslims were radical terrorists; a vast majority of our countrymen thought that most Muslims were sympathetic and supportive of the terrorists. We thought that a vast majority of Muslims were and are ‘like that’. You understand?
You know, these article DO perform a valuable service; they truly help people-at least guys anyway. Women are so STUPID as to reveal the abuse we’ll get BEFORE we marry them; they’re not hiding it anymore. Now, they’re warning us beforehand! Thanks for the heads-up, Ladies…
In closing, thanks for writing this; thanks for calling this article the BULLSHIT that it is. However, a vast majority of women have Lisa Jones’ mindset, and they approach their lives & men accordingly. Every time I and an increasing number of men see something like this, the more we want to avoid ANY & ALL ENTANGLEMENTS WITH WOMEN. If Lisa Jones and her ilk are trying to shame us men into ‘behaving right’, they need to try something else; all they’re doing is driving us away, and proving us RIGHT for avoiding them. Thanks, Rachel, and good night…
MarkyMark
May 8th, 2008 at 9:32 pmWhile I agree that it’s not good for either partner to let themselves go, I think that women spend so many years putting tons of work into making themselves attractive to men (or at least what they think will make them attractive to men), it’s inevitable that we’ll at some point become exhausted from it all. And I’m sure it’s a lot easier to do in the security of marriage rather than when you’re still on the market.
It’s not a great excuse for letting it all go to hell, but I think I can understand how it can happen.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:36 pmSee, this right there is evidence that lots of women just don’t get men. Ladies, we LIKE the silent treatment. It beats the heck out of being screeched at. The average guy can remain indifferent to whatever’s bugging you longer than you can stay mad at him — provided he doesn’t have to listen to you complaining about it all the time.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:37 pmI agree with LabRat. While I avoid so-called “women’s” magazines like the plague now, I ate ‘em up in college. And they were always filled with advice on how not to piss off/turn off men. Some of these articles were written by women, some by men. Now, this was a little over a decade ago, so I don’t know if they’re still running that crap or not.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:51 pmJenn Said:
While I agree that it’s not good for either partner to let themselves go, I think that women spend so many years putting tons of work into making themselves attractive to men (or at least what they think will make them attractive to men), it’s inevitable that we’ll at some point become exhausted from it all. And I’m sure it’s a lot easier to do in the security of marriage rather than when you’re still on the market.
My Response:
Another good reason to never, ever marry. Providing security for a woman is the same as saying, “please let your self get fat and lose all interest in sex.”
Lamont
May 8th, 2008 at 9:56 pmAnd all the while, men never ever get fat, and they continue wooing their wives at the same level as when they were dating.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:09 pmLucretia de Boyle Says….
Oh, Jesus Christ on a bike, she’s after us—I mean, me!!!
Feets don’t fail me know…..
Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane
When she catches up with me
Won’t be no time to explain
She thinks I’ve been with another woman
And that’s enough to send her half insane
Gonna buy a fast car
Put on my lead boots
And take a long, long drive
I may end up spending all my money
But I’ll still be alive
[I gave those lines to The Who.]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqFtzOF-0Cw
“Has anyone here seen my Lance?”
Yeah, it’s in the drawer next to the bed, where you keep it. Along with that giant economy sized Tub o’ Jelly. Remember when you said to me, “Ha Ha on YOU, Lance. Check THIS!! It’ll go places that man (and by ‘man’ I mean YOU) has never gone before.”
She’s soooo kind. I say, ‘Send in a canary first.’
“I’m afraid he’s found another hiding place. Or refuge.”
No, my love. It’s the same one—under the sink, behind the Drano. Of course, I occasionally hide in the clothes hamper, so I can be close to you—or as close to you as it gets around here.
Waaaa ah ah ah ah.
Close to ya ooo.”
“And what is this vile conversation you’re having?”
Hey, the babe…I mean, blog lady, with the helmet started it. I was, in truth, merely an innocent bystander…
but somehow I got stuck
between a rock and a hard place.
And I’m down on my luck.
da da da da dum dum da da
da da da dum dum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwXMkfeH95k
“And who is the harlot in the header?”
I believe it’s that Lucas girl–heiress to the LucasMart fortune. All grown up now. Usta be kind of a mess, what with snot running down her nose in a fair imitation of Aqualung (family had to outfit her with special-made gutters) and them HUGE Mary Janes, clappity clompin’ down Main Street. But not UP Main Street for some strange reason. But she turned out real nice.
“He’s going to pay for this…”
Oh, like he hasn’t paid enough! “I do.” The most costly words in the English tongue. He’s just a shell of his former swave and deboner self. A mere cipher. A mot, you might say–if you were saying.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:19 pm*suddenly realizes why she has almost no female friends*
Edit: And yeah, my first thought upon reading the article intro was, “So how about you open your fucking mouth and tell him what’s wrong, bitch?”
I might be a little cranky today.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:32 pmThanks Rachel, my ex used to play that silent game with me and nothing got me madder than that. Yes guys like me can be clueless to what a woman is thinking, stuff that will tick off a gal would never even phase us most of the time. After 20 odd years of dealing with it I am a contented lobo goat.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:33 pmIn the past, I was guilty of the silent treatment method because I was sure boyfriend knew why I was upset. I wasn’t in any way trying to make him guess. I mean, really, I thought it seemed incredibly obvious. Over time, I’ve come to realize that most women have a “micro” approach to relationships, and most men have a “macro” approach. Obviously the two aren’t always compatible.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:43 pmMy mom and sister - we’ll call them ‘The Lizard Twins’ - are women of the cold blooded, men-are-stupid-pigs variety, who were not going to be happy until I realized my husband was worthless and I started treating him like a houseboy who was lucky to get any scraps I threw him while he spent his life in servitude to me. We had been married over 20 years and still the Lizard Twins wouldn’t give up on their mission. Once I realized I had to choose between my family and my husband, the decision took me about a nano-second. I never see The Lizard Twins anymore, and me and Himself are very happy together - and they’ll never forgive me for it. Watch how I get along just fine, anyway. Stupid bitches.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:47 pmRachel, you are a gem.
If I were not already married (20+ years) and you were not already involved, I would be sore tempted to pursue you to the ends of the earth.
You *get* it! OMFG, you GET it! Holee molee on a stick, you are a rare gem!
May 8th, 2008 at 10:55 pmRachel, you said: “You know, honestly, I read articles like the one I’m mocking and I sincerely do not understand why men even bother trying half the time.”
I don’t bother trying any more. I’m a lawyer and work long hours and it’s much, much too dangerous for me to even try to pick up a girl who works in my firm (a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen). Outside of work, the girls in Manhattan are for the most part incredibly bitchy, and since I’m moderately successful there’s always the fear that they’d just be interested in that instead of me.
They don’t make them like they used to. So I just have stopped trying.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:07 pmI was once, about twenty years after HS graduation, talking with a HS classmate of mine (female) and the subject of male incomprehension of females came up. She allowed as how yes, women (or at least HS girls) do rather wish their boyfriends and other males could read their minds.
I just looked at her. Then I said, in a calm, even way: “Think about what you just said. How would you have liked knowing that I could read your mind?”
She thought about it for about a second, then turned the color of cottage cheese and agreed that I was right; it was a stupid thing to wish for.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:16 pmSorry, but after almost 27 years of marriage, I’m still trying to figure out why the silent treatment is a BAD thing…
May 8th, 2008 at 11:19 pmI don’t care WHAT she hates about me; there is no SHE to make my life miserable!
May 8th, 2008 at 11:41 pmSome women just dont want to be happy, they seem to take every opportunity to find something to be upset over….just like some men.
Find someone you are compatible with and quit sweating the small shit. If it isn’t killing you or ripping a limb off…..don’t nag about it. This works both ways.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:33 amI was going to write my own article, “Reasons not to date women like Lisa Jones, who never got out of their spoiled highschool-princess entitlement mentality”, but I’m having trouble narrowing it down to less than 25,000.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:45 amDing and ding. I could not agree more. I truly feel sorry for men, especially if they’re white too. (I’m not.)
May 9th, 2008 at 12:46 amMy test for whether it is sexist is how would it sound if a man were to say the same thing. If it sounds bad that way, then it sounds bad coming from a women just as much.
I don’t know when we will get our comeuppance, but I hope I’m around to see it for myself. We won’t like it, at all. But we’ll so deserve it.
Rachel: your parody is dead on, especially point #4. Yes, dear, I do talk as if I don’t know if I’ll be dating you in six months. Can you guess why?
May 9th, 2008 at 1:30 amLove the writing and i love reading all the comments have been though enough relationships to know 1. I love the silent treatment means i get some peace and quiet from the constant prattle.
May 9th, 2008 at 4:08 am2.Why all the planning of our life together it can change in an instant. 3.I came to the decision year ago i prefer to be on my own.
rickl @9:04pm
That sounds like a bait-and-switch wife, or what happened to my brother. 6 months after he was married, her long hair was cut mannish, and he was told, my hair, I’ll wear it the way I want. Other things followed (sweats, nagging, etc), and they are no longer married.
My impression was she (and other women) dressed to hook a man, and once married, didn’t feel the need to dress that way any longer (and their true personality comes out).
————————————————–
May 9th, 2008 at 6:06 amHaving seen that with my brother, and its’ corresponding behavior in the office, I am no longer interested in women, the risks are too great. Or to put it another way, a Las Vegas casino that offered 1 out of 2 odds, wouldn’t stay in business, but that is the very odds men are expected to accept, when marrying. Also, in a Las Vegas casino, the losses would end when I left the front door, unlike a divorce, where you have to pay for years on end.
9th thing I hate about men AND (other) women:
The silent treatment. It’s very childish.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:16 amMitch, Prosecco is Italian sparkling wine from the Veneto region of Italy, i.e. it’s Italy’s answer to chanpagne.
Regarding Ms. Jones, someone needs to call her a Wahmbulance. She needs to read Rachel’s Real Women’s Manifesto.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:57 amAll I can say is thank you supreme ruler of the world. I can honestly say that, as a woman, I wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out with that type. She makes all of us reasonable women look terrible.
As far as we women letting ourselves go, yes, it happens to a point. But seriously guys, when we work a full time job and raise kids, we get kinda tired. My hubbie comes home and has his “chill out” time. I don’t get any “chill out” time. So, while I’m running around the house, yes, it’s more comfortable wearing sweats than some lingerie. However, we do have “date nights” in which the makeup goes back on, the perfume gets dabbed on, and away we go.
By the way, although it’s a pain in the butt, I keep my hair long because my dear one likes it that way. It’s a reasonable compromise!
May 9th, 2008 at 7:45 amOne more thing. I, along with most women I know, LOVE to be treated as one of the guys. When I was dating my now husband, his friends were pleasantly surprised that I was able to talk football with the best of ‘em. They started looking at me as a friend, instead of “his girlfriend”. I would much rather be included than be thought of as his girlfriend/fiancee/wife. I especially don’t want to be thought of as a high maintenance woman. Blech.
May 9th, 2008 at 7:52 amLate to the party, as usual, but I side 100% with Rachel on this. Fair is fair.
I don’t read women’s magazines much anymore either, but I heard that even Cosmo listed “man bashing” as the Number One thing women do to turn off their men.
And I don’t know what’s so horrible about being treated as “one of the guys”. True story– at a holiday party a few years ago, I wandered into a guest room where my best male friend and HIS best friend were having a deep discussion over beers. I sat down and listened. They didn’t stop talking and they didn’t kick me out. That was over 10 yrs ago, and I still consider this one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received.
Of course, I also don’t drag my guy friends shopping (except to the bookstore, which they love), I can fit all my shoes in a standard backpack, and I’d much rather solve the damn problem than “feel validated”– so I got my “girl card” pulled and burned, and the ashes sown with salt, long long ago.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:10 amI love reading what is in my own mind on your site, and then having you defend it! All of this understanding and no nasty psychological warfare to boot!
May 9th, 2008 at 8:52 amThanks, Wachel, for another 8 reasons to add to my “101 Reasons Why I’M Not Married(Yet), BookII”. I’m a bit surprised not to see mention of the column where Dr Helen answers a man whose wife EXPECTS a “push present” from him when she squirts out a dependent… I would enjoy seeing your take on that one…
May 9th, 2008 at 8:56 amI find I actually have a different opinion on Ms. Jones’s complaints. I don’t have as big a problem with them as most here seem to have. Rather, my problem is with how she presents them and how she deals with them.
The silent treatment (sometimes accompanied with snippy responses to direct questions which have nothing to do with the problem) has probably brought me the closest to actually beating my wife of anything she has ever done. Well, that, and responding with, “You ought to know what’s wrong!” when I ask.
As for the list of issues she brings up: Yes, they are generally somewhat petty, but it really sounds like she’s dated some incredibly childish and insensitive a-holes. I think most of the irritation people are feeling about those items in the list are the titles of them. I mean, I wouldn’t be caught dead leaving toenail clippings on the nightstand, but with a title of, “You don’t pick up after yourself at our place”, it gives the impression that she gets pissed because he forgets to throw away the soda can he had on the coffee table while they were watching a movie.
Or the one about talking to her like she’s one of the guys. Sure, if she got pissed because he talked to her about cars or sports frequently, that would be bad, but calling your girlfriend by her last name? Geez, you might call a woman by her last name if she’s already established herself as “one of the guys”, but not if you start dating her first.
How about, “You ask us how much our handbag or haircut costs”? Without an indication of the tone of voice in which the question is asked, yes, it sounds like a ridiculous peeve. I mean, he could be just curious. But, given the other things in the list, it’s probably been asked as an accusation, rather than a curiousity.
Now, the “You speak about the future vaguely” one is simply an example of not communicating, and is one that I would agree is irritating, if she’s not going to explain what she feels she’s missing out on. Plus I agree with Rachel about the business trip - he’s probably not going to have time to spend with her, but she could ask if he would like to be visited.
Regarding “You Stop Trying”, this may very well be a valid point, but she never makes the argument that she hasn’t stopped trying, so I score this one a tie.
Then there’s “You blatantly look at p0rn”. OK, again, the title paints a far different picture than the explanation. Makes it sound like he’s surfing from his laptop for it while sitting on the couch with her as they are watching TV. Nope, he’s being a moron who doesn’t protect the computer from Spyware and viruses in any way, so that he gets pop-ups that plague her at inopportune times, which would annoy me, too. Again, the title misrepresents a legitimate beef. However, modern operating systems have these wonderful things that are sometimes referred to as “Personal Logins”. That would fix the problem, as far as the pop-ups are concerned. The viruses are a different matter.
Now for, “You turn down sex”. Sure, the natural response to that header is, “HAH! What goes around comes around, doesn’t it?” But her description sounds like he’s pushing her away like the cliche women in movies pushing away their husband, going “Ugh. Get away from me”.
And finally, “You ask us out via text”. Don’t really know about this one, except that if she’s received a generic message like “plans 2nite?”, which he apparenly sends to several women in the same day, then I say again that she needs to date an adult, rather than an emotional adolescent.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:58 amI’ve been married for 15 years, we have two children. I wash, dry and style my hair (shoulder length) every day. I wear make up and perfume every day and I don’t own sweats. I do it for myself as much as my husband. I like to look nice!
And I don’t treat my husband like the gal in the article either. Probably why I’m married and she’s not!
May 9th, 2008 at 9:06 amI just went back and read some of the comments on this thread(after my visceral reaction initial comment)and see some real slam-dunks. I maintain that females of Western civilization have swallowed the tripe that THEY are owed(despite the fact that they well out-number men, unlike in Asian countries), and are successfully pricing themselves out of the market altogether. I proceed through daily life without sexual politics, nagging, “communication problems”, having to learn ESP, and etc.-to-infinity; while going anywhere, doing anything, spending within MY budget, and continuing any activity or interest for as long as I wish, without asking anyone’s permission. I make my living at home, “betting” on the stockmarket odds, and the odds of a successful marriage in this culture is a bet I would NEVER take! Even casual female friends, well informed upon beginning a mere friendship as to the “casualness” of the PLATONIC relationship always begin to get pushy and cajoling, and dictatorial once they think they have the leverage of my easygoing temperament against me. I’m sure many of them are still mystified as to why I suddenly dropped out of sight, stopped calling, writing, or associating in anyway with them, but I’m content to let some other schmuck go thru the endlessly laborious process of fruitless explanations…
May 9th, 2008 at 9:26 amThe “You turn down sex” reminds me of a story. Young newlywed deaf couple are having a communication problem. They are both squeaky-clean Baptists, both work long hours, and inevitably, one is sometimes not in the mood when the other is. Since they can’t sign in the dark, and are too shy to go to bed with the lights on, the one who is not in the mood is taking too long to communicate when he/she isn’t interested tonight. One morning they are having breakfast after one of those nights, and there is some tension at the table. The husband says (in sign language), “I think I have a solution to our communication problem. When we go to bed and I am in the mood, I’ll squeeze your breast two times. If I’m not in the mood, I’ll squeeze it three times. If you’re in the mood, you can reach down and stroke me two times. If you’re not in the mood, you can stroke me three hundred times.”
May 9th, 2008 at 10:20 amDavy, I can sympathize with your situation.
For one thing, you’re right in your observation that bitchery is at an all-time high. I witness it a lot … Even most of the TV commercials these days make me cringe. By promoting or making light of overbearing, demanding wives and girlfriends, they’re demeaning both men and women in the process.
But in addition to an increase of bitchery in women, there has definitely been an increase in assholery in men. And the two feed each other. Therefore women who aren’t bitches and men who aren’t assholes are having a much harder time finding one another … and often give up.
I also agree with you that singlehood is a lot better deal that most people think. Sure, there are some people who, either by design or neurosis, HAVE or NEED to be in a relationship, but for the rest of us, freedom can be a sweet, sweet way to live. No one to answer to. No one to take care of. No one to be responsible to or for. It’s not bad at all.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:38 amThis is spot on Rachel.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:44 amAfter reading the comments, I am reminded of a woman
that I dated years ago. Skinny as a rail, she would ask me the “do you think my ass is fat?” bullshit all the time. Finally I got tired of this (yes i was drunk) and told her “yes. you need to lose about 20 pounds. She never asked me again. Like I said she was around 5′6″ and never was above 120 lbs.
Being treated like one of the guys? That is a turn-off for women? I can tell you by experience, that is what guys love. This same girl also went to a all girl catholic high school. She never said bad words. She would never say “O my god”,it was “O my goodness”
But during a football game, she would shout cuss-words that was not even invented. For some reason, me and my buddys found that very sexy.
Ms. Jones starts out her article with:
Ladies, this is one of mens biggest pet peeves. It is obvious you are upset but when we ask you directly about it, you lie to us and say nothing is wrong. You expect us to be mind readers and when you aren’t, you try to “punish” us with the cold shoulder.
Of course, all the usual caveats apply. Not all women do this, some men probably should be able to figure it out etc.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:03 amJenn,
May 9th, 2008 at 11:15 amI wouldn’t really have a problem “taking care of” dependents, and earlier in life fully expected and desired same, BUT the decay of the culture, personal experiences, and “life” in general(as well as the free flow of unlimited hormone supplies boiling in the bloodstream ebbing over time, and leaving the head on my shoulders mostly in charge…)has turned the contrariness of most women AGAINST them, rather than provocatively(”Opposites attract” theory)in their favor. I like sharing with others, but I DO NOT TOLERATE having my generosity hijacked and turned against me.
Bitchery, deceit and control are the axioms of a large swath American women. They have a sense of entitlement that is virtually unknown in other Western countries. No wonder sex falls off after marriage you cant possibly provide for every need she has, emotional, mental and of course financial. Sex disappears completly when kids arrive because the focus of the relationship of course is the children not the marriage. American women know very well that when the time is right (ie: thier bored with you) your nothing more then a throw away father, a tax free lottery (child support)and an every other weekend babysitter while she dates her trainer.The upside of course is that young men in this country have seen thier fathers ruined in divorces and want nothing to do with it. If it is worded that American women have priced themselves out of the market then so be it.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:28 amReading that comment, it just occurred to me that that’s probably why women never believe us when they ask what we’re thinking, and we answer, “Oh, nothing”. Since they don’t mean it, they think we don’t, either.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:28 amWayneB says: “…that’s why women never believe us when they ask what we are thinking, and we answer, ‘Oh, nothing’…”
I think that the disconnect here is partly in defining the meaning of “nothing” to a man as opposed to its meaning to (Most)women…
“Nothing” to a man means, “nothing of importance to life in general(macro)”, while every little word, gesture, facial expression, level and “tone” of voice, environment, and mood the woman happens to be in at ANY GIVEN MILLISECOND are all significant variables(micro)TO HER(and she can’t even conceive that he might not be processing the same way as she is, since she has been trained to believe that hers is THE significant angle on any given subject).
May 9th, 2008 at 11:53 amAs I alluded above, I think the macro/micro difference boils down to the fact that men and women are just different. Obvious, I know. And doesn’t excuse asinine behavior and lack of compromise. But, still … different.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:48 pmRachel, every time I find myself thinking “all women suck” you go and post something brilliant like this.
May 9th, 2008 at 1:16 pmThanks, you’ve proven once again that all of your gender isn’t totally retarded, selfish, blind, deaf and willfully dumb. Maybe there is hope, after all…
Jenn,
Yes, assholery IS increasing amongst men. Do you know why? Because it’s the ASSHOLE GUYS who get the chicks! Seriously, if women didn’t RESPOND to guys like this, such conduct would virtually end overnight; IOW, if women actually wanted gentlemen, then you’d have them coming out of the woodwork. Since women dig bad boys, many guys are trying to cultivate their ‘inner jerk’. For me, it’s really as simple as that…
MarkyMark
May 9th, 2008 at 1:35 pmSo, Jenn, does that reality have any ultimate significance?
I would personally contend that it does, but I’m curious as to whether anyone bothers to recognize it…
Men who still bother to think in a linear, logical train of cause/effect WILL come into conflict with feminization of this culture that now DISDAINS such an approach…
May 9th, 2008 at 1:39 pm…And, men, being what they are, WILL tend to compromise with their own natures(in the short term), allowing themselves to be made into emoting liberals by the demands of their hormones(AKA the “testicle lockbox” by Rush)…at least for awhile…
May 9th, 2008 at 1:45 pmLisa Jones is probably the inspiration for this song.
May 9th, 2008 at 1:58 pmDavy, I was referring more to how the differences play out in personal relationships rather than looking at the broader context–although that’s a valid point. I think recognizing the differences of how you and your partner think and interact is significant. However, I may not fully understand what you meant by your question.
I do agree that there is a so-called feminization at work in our culture that discourages direct approaches in many areas of life. (I say “so-called” because I don’t believe that’s so much true femininity as it is more of a liberalized 20th-century femininity.) Like Rachel said in a previous post, being a “real” woman shouldn’t be radically different from being a “real” man. Yes, men and women can be very different in a lot of ways, but that shouldn’t stop adults from either gender from being able to behave like actual adults. But our society doesn’t want that, I’m convinced, and that includes a large percentage of American women. And, as a woman myself, I am incensed by this kind of campaign. It is damaging to both men and women, in my opinion.
May 9th, 2008 at 2:01 pmMarkyMark has, unfortunately, a VERY good point, in my personal observation, and by the admission of guys who visit other of Wachel’s threads along this subject line…
It has the surface appearance of “leadership” to girls(I use that term purposely), and then, conversely, gives them a good excuse for ditching him when they have taken sufficient abuse to justify taking everything he has or ever will have(or, occasionally, just come to their senses and run).
May 9th, 2008 at 2:04 pmAt least Ms. Jones has proven yet again the one eternal truth of feminism that men can always count on: Women will always bitch about men.
May 9th, 2008 at 2:05 pmMarky,
I hear that all the time that women really prefer bad boys, so there must be some truth there. I just know that a lot of women like myself run from that type of guy. Maybe I’m just a freak, but I think the whole upstanding citizen, decent, clean-cut thing is a turn on. Call me crazy.
On the flip side, a lot of my friends and I feel like men are always attracted to the really broken, damaged, drama queen girls. We’ve always supposed that it’s because 1) those girls tend to be loose, and 2) the guy wants someone to rescue.
May 9th, 2008 at 2:10 pmI don’t split hairs on the definitions of “feminization”, or allow for the 150 million different personal interpretations of the term…I go with the general “look at everything through the emoting female lens” definition…
I believe the sexes physical specializations go hand-in-hand with their mental and emotional specializations…The question was Socratic/ rhetorical(to me), and it helps me sort out the level of honesty with which I am conversing (generally also dictating the subsequent length of said conversation)…
May 9th, 2008 at 2:12 pmMorality is a universal constant by which Rachel would be right about sameness of men and women (standards-of-behavior-wise), but as for physical and other attributes, they are just different, period.
I go by the rule, not by its exception, and I streamline various classifications life calls upon me to make by educated stereotyping. It saves much work, many mistakes, and tends to be relatively accurate at this stage of my experience…
May 9th, 2008 at 2:20 pmMarriage(the only permanent coupling my frame of reference will countenance)has thus far been ruled out BECAUSE “success”, in this culture, IS the exception, making it a very low-odds bet. That is also an example of linear logic to which I refer, and which has become, usually, the basis for MOST of my actions(exceptions generally turn out poorly, at best), and probably helps make me undesirable to the emoters…
May 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pmThanks, Rachel. You made me laugh while offering some pretty good insight into what makes men and women tick.
I date a girl once who tried the “if you don’t know what’s wrong thing then I’m not going to tell you” on me. Once. I said, “Cool, everything must be great” and went out for a beer with some friends. I told her later that I don’t play that game. If I ask “What’s wrong?” and you say “Nothing”, my assumption is that you’re telling me the truth.
Fortunately, I married a woman who doesn’t believe in this type of mind-fucking. Guess if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten married.
One more thing: there’s a lot more of this type of irrational behavior going on out there. There are many reasons that more and more men aren’t getting married. This is one of those reasons.
May 9th, 2008 at 3:09 pmGreat article, but I thought the survey at the end deserved a bit of parody as well.
1 = Ho-Hum 10 = I love that!
Thanking me for opening the door for you — 8.2
May 9th, 2008 at 3:58 pmFlirting with me in public — 8.4
Making me dinner — 8.6
Taking me to dinner if you can’t cook — 9.2
Leaving me sexy messages explaining exactly what you’re going to do when we get home — 7.0
Actually doing it — 9.7
Remembering my B-day — 8.3
Waking me on my B-day with a sloppy wet blowjob — 9.8
Not punishing me for weeks on end when I’ve obviously forgotten your B-day — 10.0
Asking me how I’m feeling — 5.0
NOT constantly asking me how I feel about such-and-such — 9.5
Straightening up my place — 7.5
NOT nagging me about how messy my place is — 9.3
Buying me a CD I want — 8.0
Buying me a CD I want by a group you absolutely hate — 9.7
My girlfriend and I had this exact fight just yesterday!
May 9th, 2008 at 4:30 pmI was once, about twenty years after HS graduation, talking with a HS classmate of mine (female) and the subject of male incomprehension of females came up. She allowed as how yes, women (or at least HS girls) do rather wish their boyfriends and other males could read their minds.
Ever see the first Superman movie, the one with Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder? The big romantic scene, the one that my date gushed over, was when Superman took Lois flying around Metropolis. And what was the song that Lois sang to herself as they flew? “Read my mind.”
Update: Here are the lyrics. In the movie Margot Kidder says this to herself, but she doesn’t say it to him, out loud:
Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is that you do to me?
I don’t know who you are. Just a friend from another star.
Here I am, like a ki d out of school. Holding hands with a god. I’m a fool.
Will you look at me? Quivering. Like a little girl, shivering.
You can see right through me. Can you read my mind?
Can you picture the things I’m thinking of?
Wondering why you are … all the wonderful things you are.
You can fly. You belong in the sky. You and I … could belong to each other.
If you need a friend … I’m the one to fly to.
If you need to be loved … here I am. Read my mind.
Jebus!
My ex gave me the silent treatment for four days a few months before we split up. Her problem? She was offended that I had been very rude to her … in a dream.
My smart, funny, sexy, adorable, and direct wife of a dozen years is nothing like her, thank God. But her sister up and divorced her husband one day, with the explanation, “Well, if you don’t know what’s wrong, I’m never going to be able to tell you in a way th at you’ll understand!” To this day he and the rest of the family still don’t know what the problem was.
l
May 9th, 2008 at 4:47 pmMike G, funny I once was awakened by my girlfriend hitting me with her fists after she dreamed I had cheated on her and she never trusted me again because it must have happened or she wouldn’t have dreamed it.
May 9th, 2008 at 7:35 pmI another one of those guys that don’t even dare to flirt anymore as a self-employed contractor, can’t take the risk of getting sued for harrassment. I was raised to be a southern gentleman so I say and do nothing that can be construed wrongly by some feminazi with a grudge.
Goat,
Unfortunately, they’re ALL Feminazis with a grudge! Even if you aren’t speaking with a woman like this (you’re speaking with one of the of the 0.001% of sane women left out there), you can STILL be sued. Some Feminazi bitch within earshot can hear you say something she doesn’t like; she can go cry to HR, the EEOC, et al, and say that you made her feel ‘uncomfortable’. Guess what? Your goose is STILL cooked!
MarkyMark
May 9th, 2008 at 7:52 pmWell men tend to go for the prettiest girl in the room who tends to be spoiled and self-centred. Then they wonder why she turns out to be a bitch.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:15 pm“all I gotta say is it’s a very fortunate thing that men have such intense sex drives and therefore are willing to put up with so much shit just to get some, thus continuing the existence of our species.”
It is also a very fortunate thing that straight men find homosexuality disgusting(you can play tennis with a gay guy). It is a combination of the two factors here that propagate our species and give us the strength to put up with a woman’s BS.
My father told me this: “If it wasn’t for p**ssy, we’d be all bragging about how many b****’s we killed.”
(The preceding was a joke. Please do not be offended because it was not intended to insult. If you are offended at this joke then you are probably a woman and you don’t get how guys joke. If you are not a woman then you are probably one of the aforementioned “metros” and guys like me don’t care what you think be cause you are an embarrassment to our species.)
May 9th, 2008 at 8:16 pmI have dated the type of woman who wrote that article, and boy, am I ever glad that I found my fiancee, who is not at all so self-obsessed, prissy, demanding, egotistical, and insecure. My fiancee is actually sweet, kind and generous. The type of woman who wrote that article is a dime-a-dozen. The self-centered women are everywhere and so I’m really lucky to have found someone who is truly nice.
Anyway, here is my response.
Annoyance #1
You don’t pick up after yourself at our place.
We try to feel at home, maybe you would prefer that we act like strangers.
Annoyance #2
You ask how much our new haircut or handbag costs.
If it was a reasonable price you would not be so sensitive to such a question. You don’t seem to mind when we ask about the dinner bill.
Annoyance #3
You talk to us as if we’re one of the guys.
Once again, you seem to prefer that we act like strangers.
Annoyance #4
You speak of the future vaguely.
If you were not insecure then we could embrace whatever the future brings, instead of trying to pin us down like slaves to your fixed vision of servitude.
Annoyance #5
You stop trying.
Because no matter what we do it is never enough. You always want more. If we do the same nice things we did last week, you claim that you’d like to be surprised instead with something new.
Annoyance #6
You blatantly look at porn.
We don’t get enough sex, so we try to amuse ourselves instead of pestering you for more when you refuse.
Annoyance #7
You turn down sex.
In what alternative universe have you been living in? This has never happened. If this were true, you would also be looking at porn.
Annoyance #8
You ask us out via text.
If you say yes, then there will be lots of time to talk. This is easier because you frequently choose not to answer the phone, which we find annoying.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:50 pmrickl Says:
I’m not sure what decade this “rule” is from–probably the 1950s–but about three nanoseconds after I turned 28 my mother started power-nagging me because I was “too old for long hair.” I don’t understand it at all–I’ve known women who’ve kept their hair long well past menopause–but the evolutionary biologists will tell you long hair is a sign of “youth and fertility” or some nonsense and once a woman has enough children she doesn’t need to advertise.
Whatever. I’m not cutting my hair (mid-30s, never-married, no kids, still hoping someone will think I’m cute).
May 9th, 2008 at 8:50 pmPatricia C. Says:
Well men tend to go for the prettiest girl in the room who tends to be spoiled and self-centred. Then they wonder why she turns out to be a bitch.
Which, of course, would explain all the plain or even unattractive women who have husbands and boyfriends…
You are not describing Men, you are describing guys, or better yet, playas.
The hottest woman - physically - at my office is single and dying for a boyfriend, going on almost 5 years now. I’ve been single, not dating, for that whole time and am fairly attractive. Won’t touch her. Why? The “men are liars” and “men are pigs” comments makes her unattractive. That, and the constant gossiping to her coworkers about her life circumstances and failed dates. One of my, and I would imagine many men’s, pet peeves are women who don’t understand the concept of “personal” and bare their life stories to all comers as if they were on the Oprah Winfrey show. I need to face these people every day, and have a position of responsibility in my workplace. That’s the last thing I need…
May 9th, 2008 at 8:52 pmAnybody who really acts like that deserves the bitter, lonely dotage they’re headed for.
May 9th, 2008 at 9:27 pmMarky, that is a benefit of learning to be a southern gentleman and growing up with a mom that slapped some sense into me. I believe in simple unadorned respect, politeness and professionalism and don’t utter words that can even be taken wrong by the feminazis, I am as well versed in yes ma’am as I am yes sir, basic instinct now.
May 10th, 2008 at 12:48 amSquatch, I hear you and know what you are saying, been there, done that and am wiser for the experience.
I like being a lobo goat though I still believe my Rachel or Michelle Malkin or Mary Katherine Ham or Amanda Carpenter is out there somewhere. Yes we appreciate wmomen that choose to take care of themselves even after they have locked in our love. I have been around the block quite a few times so I am very familiar with the game.
Sydney Carton -
I, too, have stopped trying. In fact, I stopped trying two decades or so ago. A substantial minority, at least, of American women of the baby-boomer generation, simply hate men. Add to that the facts that:
1. the man has to issue the invitation about 98% of the time, risking rejection
2. the man has to pay about 95% of the time
3. a man who scores incurs the risk that the woman will decide that things were less than perfect and complain about date rape.
Why would I bother? If I meet a woman who’s nice, fine (although it seems just about all of them are married). But I’m not making an effort. I don’t go out looking for men to be my friends, and I’m no longer making an effort to find a woman. Sex (which is, to be blunt, the only thing that a woman can offer me that a man can’t) just isn’t that important.
Before anybody decides to shout at me here, please note that I didn’t say that sex was the only thing that a woman had to offer. I said that it was the only thing that she can offer THAT A MAN CAN’T, since I’m as heterosexual as they come.
May 10th, 2008 at 9:24 amYes. And later in life, when the sex drive tapers off, we’re no longer willing to put up with so much shit.
I’m just sayin’.
May 10th, 2008 at 10:13 amGoat,
I understand what you’re saying about the virtues of being a gentleman; I understood you the first time you said that. My point had nothing to do with that.
I too treat people with respect, i.e. I am a gentleman as well. Like you, I was raised to be one. Secondly, I believe it’s only just & right to treat your fellow human beings with dignity & respect; I’m a gentleman for its own reward.
That said, my original point still stands. You see, what you need to remember about sexual harassment is this: 1) it’s WHATEVER THE WOMAN SAYS IT IS, thanks to the vague language in the statutes, regulations, and policies pertaining to it; 2) the folks INTERPRETING the situation will most likely be women-women who’ve been indoctrinated via feminism to hate, fear, and suspect men thanks to their modern, American college educations; 3) as a man, you’ll HAVE NO RIGHTS WHATSOEVER should you be accused of sexual harassment. THAT was my point when I made my first post about this. I should have been clearer about that-my bad. Thank you.
MarkyMark
May 10th, 2008 at 12:07 pmHere’s a tip for you young guys out there: a good chunk of the time, even she doesn’t know what the real problem is, and she’s hoping you’ll figure it out for her, or if you can’t, at least you’ll jump through Hellfire and buy her expensive pretty thing